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Find out if he’s single without being awkward
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Guys can be weird, and it’s not always obvious if they’re into you, or if they’re already dating someone. Or worse, you might not always be able to tell that they’re already dating someone even while they make moves on you. We talked to dating coach John Keegan about the top signs he’s taken, how to ask him straight up, and how to know when you’re the other girl in his life.
Signs He’s Taken
- He talks about spending time with a partner.
- He posts about his partner on social media.
- He doesn’t flirt back, or acts stiff around you when you flirt.
- He treats you like a secret when you’re together.
- His friends tell you he’s in a relationship.
- He’s often free to hang out, or doesn’t have other responsibilities.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Signs He Has a Girlfriend
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He says “us" or “we” instead of just “I.” Guys don’t always make it obvious when they’re in a relationship. But pay attention if he uses pronouns like “we” and “us” when talking about his past weekend or upcoming plans as there may be another girl in the picture. He may also talk a lot about a certain girl without ever explaining that they’re exclusively together.
- Listen for other clues that there’s a girl in his life. He might mention that he spent time in a beauty store for some reason, or that he needs to go home and cook dinner for 2, for example.
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He doesn’t flirt back when you act flirty. Keegan tells us that how someone talks to you can tell you a lot. [1] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 29 June 2021. Lay on some casual moves! Flirt by giving him a compliment, or teasing him a little bit. Say, “I love your eyes,” or, “You have such good taste in clothing.” If he matches your energy, that’s a good sign he’s single. If he keeps the conversation stiff or changes the subject, he’s not into flirting, which either means he doesn’t feel the chemistry, or he already has a special someone.- Some guys are notoriously flirty or charming to everyone they meet, even if they have a girlfriend. Don’t get swept up in the fun of flirting until you know a guy is single.
- A guy can still be nice and courteous to you even if they have a girlfriend. Don’t mistake niceness and politeness for flirting.
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He uses stiff or distant body language with you. Keegan says that chemistry and connection can tell you if a guy is available. [2] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 29 June 2021. You can tell a lot about your connection with someone through their body language . [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Guys with girlfriends will often refrain from being touchy with other girls. He may only hug his guy friends or female relatives. If he avoids your attempts to hug him or sit close to him, then he might be taken.- Again, lots of guys are very touchy-feely, even if they already have a girlfriend, so don’t assume physical contact is an automatic green flag.
- Don’t force him to hold your hand, hug you, or do anything physical if you notice that he turns away or back away from you. It’s best not to pressure him.
- If you notice that he deliberately avoids being alone with you, it may be that he’s worried about keeping his reputation as a taken guy.
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He’s put you in the friend zone. A guy usually reserves his time and romantic efforts for a girlfriend. If the guy you’re interested in treats you like one of the guys and doesn’t seem to set aside time to hang out with you, he might be taken. For example, one sign you’re in the friend zone is that a guy will deliberately introduce you as his friend to other people or call you “dude,” “bud,” “pal,” or any other non-committal nickname to label you as just a friend. [4] X Research source
- Girlfriends usually have the privilege of a guy’s time on weekend nights. If you can never schedule time with the guy, it could be because he reserves most of his free time for his girlfriend. [5] X Research source
- He might mention special events or time spent with family that he’s attending without inviting you. It’s possible that he is going with a girlfriend who usually takes priority.
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Determine how he spends his time. Generally a guy will spend the majority of his free time with his girlfriend. However, if hanging out with you or his guy friends takes up most of his schedule, he might not have other priorities. When you ask him what his evening or weekend plans are and he's free, it may be that he doesn't have a steady girlfriend.
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He keeps details about his own life super private. If you’re dealing with a guy who you suspect is cheating on his girlfriend and you’re the “other woman,” observe him carefully. He’ll probably act pretty sus around you. [6] X Research source Changing your name in his phone, giving you shady answers about where he’s been or is going, or restricting when you can call or text him might mean that he’s trying to hide you from a girlfriend.
- If he hasn’t introduced you to his friends, family, or coworkers, it could be that he doesn’t want anyone to know that you’re in the picture.
- It may not be your place to alert the girlfriend that this guy is cheating on her. It may backfire on you. Back out of the situation so that you’re not part of the problem.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.A lack of introductions to his family could also indicate commitment issues. If he puts off introducing you to his family and friends, he might not be ready for a serious relationship. Alternatively, he might have deeper insecurities related to relationships in general.
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There’s a girl on his social media pages. “You can always look at social media posts,” Keegan suggests. [7] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021. Check his Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram profiles and see if he mentions hanging out with a specific girl more than usual or posts photos with a certain girl. You can also simply check his profile descriptions to see is he mentions being in a relationship.- Check his friends’ pages as well. Sometimes a guy won’t post photos of a relationship, but you can check his mutual friends and followers’ pages to see if they posted pictures of him with another girl.
- Be careful not to “like” or accidentally comment on any old pictures or posts of his. He’ll get a notification that you’re checking on him.
- Although it's increasingly unusual, it is possible that your guy may not have a social media page, in which case it may be more beneficial to check his friend's pages to see if they posted any information about the guy.
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You find clues about his girlfriend on his phone, like in his contacts. Guys are just as guilty as girls when it comes to keeping pictures and messages of a special girl in their life. Don’t invade his privacy, but sneak a peek. He might have a photo of his girlfriend set to his wallpaper, or you might see a contact that says something like “GF” when he opens his text messages.
- Get your hands on his phone by saying that your phone's battery died and you have to make a call if you're trying to avoid being suspicious.
- Remember, just don’t snoop too much, and respect his privacy. If you sneak through his phone or log onto his social media profiles without permission, you could get caught. It’s never a good idea to be invasive and stalk someone’s life.
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He doesn’t check out other girls, or isn’t interested in them. Guys who are in a relationship rarely pay a whole lot of attention to other women. A faithful boyfriend won’t check out other girls as they walk by or make comments about a woman’s appearance to his friends. If he’s single, though, then he might be interested in the girls around him.
- On the other hand, if you have evidence that he might have a girlfriend but still hits on other women, he might be a cheater, so be wary.
- If he gives out his number to other girls, he may be single. All you have to do now is catch his attention!
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His friends tell you he’s taken. Sometimes a guy is just really hard to read or is very private about his life. Find one of his friends and ask them if your crush has a girlfriend. Slip the question into a conversation to be subtle, or just outright message one of his friends if you want to be direct.
- Try to be subtle when asking. You can say things like, “What does your friend do with all of his time?” or make a joke like, “Oh where’s he going, got a hot date?”
- Be aware that your questioning may make it back to the guy you’re interested in. Guys talk among themselves just as much as girls.
- However, if your interest is single, tipping him off that you like him and have been talking to his friends is a way to get his attention.
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Section 2 of 3:
Asking Him Outright if He Has a Girlfriend
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Wait until you can ask him in private. If you're hanging out with a group of people, avoid diving into someone's personal relationship status. It can be a little awkward! Be patient and wait until it's just the two of you to inquire about any girlfriend. You don't want to make him uncomfortable by making his personal life public in front of people.
- You might wait until your other friends leave and you can walk home together, or catch up to him sometime that he’s alone.
- Also, ask him in person, if possible. A text or message can work, but if you’re trying to make your move, face time is important!
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Be direct and to the point, but don’t pressure him. Keegan tells us that there’s no harm in coming right out and asking the question . [8] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021. You could say, “I've been meaning to ask you, do you have a girlfriend?” As long as you keep your tone casual, he shouldn't feel pressured by your question.- You could always ask the question playfully. Try saying, "You seem like such an awesome guy. How do you not have a girlfriend?"
- If he doesn’t and has been oblivious that you have a crush on him, he may notice your interest when you ask him about his relationship status.
- Don’t worry too much if he says yes. There will always be other guys, not all the good ones are taken.
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Take note if he avoids your question. It’s not a good sign if he doesn't answer you with a simple “yes” or “no.” In fact, any hint of caginess or nervousness is not a good sign. If he stumbles over his words or tries to give you an excuse, he’s probably in a complicated situation, or he may be hiding a relationship. It’s best to stay away from a guy who isn't honest anyways. [9] X Research source
- He might have his own reasons that are perfectly valid, but the answer is clear: He’s not available.
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React respectfully and casually no matter the answer he gives. Finding out that a guy you’re interested in is taken can be a tough blow. But keep cool when he gives you an answer, whether it’s positive or negative. That way, you don’t burn your bridge too hastily.
- If he has a girlfriend, say, “She’s super lucky, then!” and change the topic to avoid any awkwardness.
- If he is single, respond with something like, “Oh, well that’s interesting” to maintain your mysteriousness and not reveal your hand that you're interested in him.
- No matter how much you like a guy, it’s not worth breaking up a relationship just so you can try and date him.
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Section 3 of 3:
Signs You’re the Other Girl
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He has super limited availability, or constantly changes plans. When you’re the other woman, you’re not always the priority. He may never be available on weekends, or only available on weekends. He may change plans at the last minute, or cancel. It could be that he’s covering his tracks with his other girl, and you’re paying the price for it. [10] X Research source
- Also, you probably never see his place, you either always meet at yours, or somewhere obscure, where you won’t be seen together, like in a part of town far away from his place.
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He’s secretive about his phone. His phone is full of personal information that could be revealing. [11] X Research source We’re not saying to steal his phone and go through his stuff. But if he always turns his phone away from you, or doesn’t want you scrolling through his photo albums, or always gets up and leaves to take a phone call, something’s fishy.
- Plenty of people just value their privacy, and he might consider his phone private, even if he’s not cheating.
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He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family. When he’s seeing you in secret, he’ll keep you a secret, and that means keeping you separate from his social circle so that nobody gets suspicious. You don’t get invited to holiday gatherings, and you only ever see each other alone, or with your own social circle.
- He might mention his friends or family, or tell you stories about them, but they’re always somehow out of the picture or unavailable.
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He doesn’t post about you on social media. Of course, if he’s trying to keep you a secret, he wouldn’t broadcast you on social media. He’d do his best to keep you on the down low, which means no posting photos together, no tagging you, no liking your posts. He might not even follow you. [12] X Research source
- You might test this and ask to follow him in person, to see his reaction.
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You only have access to certain parts of his life. When he’s living a double life, you’ll only ever see one side of that life. [13] X Research source Other parts, like certain hobbies, relationships, or schedules will be a mystery to you. It sometimes means he compartmentalizing you and walling you off from his more personal side.
- For example, he might have kids he never talks about, or he might have troubles or concerns he tells you not to worry about, even though a real couple faces those challenges together.
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He gets frustrated when you talk about your relationship. If you talk about taking the next step or getting serious, and he gets annoyed, frustrated, or avoidant, then something’s up. [14] X Research source He might just not be ready, which is its own red flag, but there might be underlying reasons why he’s not ready—like he’s already taking those next steps with someone else.
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Join the Discussion...
To find out if a guy is single, you can always look at his social media posts and see who he's with, or ask probing questions about his life. You could ask things like, "What do you do?" or "What's your life like during the week?" if you don't want to ask directly.
You can also flirt with him a little bit! Make a few comments like, "You're a really great listener!" or "You're really interesting to talk to!" Then, escalate by asking him to grab coffee with you, or something similar. If he's flirting with you or breaking the touch barrier, these are signs that he's definitely interested in you too. If he's in a relationship, he'll probably mention it then.
If you have some suspicion that he may have a girlfriend, then directly ask at one point. Say something like, "You seem like a really cool guy. Are you seeing anyone?"
You can also flirt with him a little bit! Make a few comments like, "You're a really great listener!" or "You're really interesting to talk to!" Then, escalate by asking him to grab coffee with you, or something similar. If he's flirting with you or breaking the touch barrier, these are signs that he's definitely interested in you too. If he's in a relationship, he'll probably mention it then.
If you have some suspicion that he may have a girlfriend, then directly ask at one point. Say something like, "You seem like a really cool guy. Are you seeing anyone?"
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do guys hint that they like you?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.He might have a really relaxed, bouncy way about him. Flirting and light touches are also signs that he's interested.
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QuestionHow do you tell if he secretly has a girlfriend?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Take a look at his social media posts to see what's going on. Pay close attention to who he takes pictures with—does it look like they're saying something with these posts?
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QuestionHow do you indirectly ask a guy if he has a girlfriend?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.If you don't want to ask it directly, ask about his life during the week or about the people he hangs out with. These probing questions will probably inform you of his relationship status.
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Tips
- Keep it casual, and don’t try too hard. If you show your cards or go overboard stalking him, you might come across as desperate.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Remind him of a good time you had together in the past, then mention that you would like to do it again sometime. If he's reluctant, he could be with someone. But don't pester him about why.
- If he always has an excuse for not answering the phone when you call, that's a good indicator that he's not to be trusted.
- Even if he has a girlfriend, don't worry because there are many fish in the sea! You'll find someone special.
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References
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-art-closeness/201802/5-signs-couple-falling-the-friend-zone
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-people-in-relationships-cheat/
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/5-signs-that-youre-the-other-w
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/is-my-boyfriend-cheating/
- ↑ https://parade.com/living/is-my-boyfriend-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-people-in-relationships-cheat/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’re dying to know whether or not your crush has a girlfriend, you can find out by carefully observing how he acts around you and other people. For example, see if he avoids physical contact, keeps his distance, or even avoids being alone with you. Another sign that he’s taken is if you’re treated like one of the guys. If he calls you “dude” or “pal,” for example, then you’re probably in the friend zone. Guys who are taken rarely pay a lot of attention to other girls, so take note if he checks out girls as they walk by. On the other hand, if you know he has a girlfriend and he still does those things, you may want to stay away since he might be a cheater. For more help, like how to casually ask his friends if he has a girlfriend, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I liked this article! It helped me understand more if someone I like, whom I may not know so well, is in a relationship or not. Actually, it made me feel better because I don't really know my crush (we're complete strangers)." ..." more
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"I liked this article! It helped me understand more if someone I like, whom I may not know so well, is in a relationship or not. Actually, it made me feel better because I don't really know my crush (we're complete strangers)."
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"The thing that really helped was tip #5, because I am known for overreacting over little things. That is something I can definitely work on."
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