What does "friends with benefits" REALLY mean?
So........I been fooling around with a friend lately and I'm not sure what our relationship is, but i think it qualifies as "Friends with benefits." But I am wondering......what exactly does "friends with benefits" mean, technically speaking? Of course I've heard this term before but from a practical standpoint I don't know how it works: what are the "rules" (if there are any)? Can you be exclusive with a fwb? Am I just setting myself up for heartache?
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Expert Comments
There are times in people’s lives when they want to be sexually active but don’t want to be bothered with a relationship, so they might start a friends with benefits relationship. And yes, there are rules, but you and your FWB partner set them.
It is really important to communicate exactly what your hopes and expectations are. How often will you see each other? What are the expectations in the friendship and with the sexual relationship? Can you see other people at the same time? How can you ensure everyone’s safety from STDs if so? Getting as specific as possible will help eliminate confusion, mixed signals, and potential problems or fights in the future.
Encourage continued communication to keep everyone safe and in the loop. Find out how often you need to check in with each other. Sex between friends can seem fairly innocuous, but sometimes strong feelings of attachment can develop between one or both partners. Find time to check in with each other on a regular basis and see how the relationship is progressing, if there are any growing feelings, and if the relationship should or shouldn't continue. It’s important to remember you were friends first. Staying friends no matter what should be a priority.
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It is really important to communicate exactly what your hopes and expectations are. How often will you see each other? What are the expectations in the friendship and with the sexual relationship? Can you see other people at the same time? How can you ensure everyone’s safety from STDs if so? Getting as specific as possible will help eliminate confusion, mixed signals, and potential problems or fights in the future.
Encourage continued communication to keep everyone safe and in the loop. Find out how often you need to check in with each other. Sex between friends can seem fairly innocuous, but sometimes strong feelings of attachment can develop between one or both partners. Find time to check in with each other on a regular basis and see how the relationship is progressing, if there are any growing feelings, and if the relationship should or shouldn't continue. It’s important to remember you were friends first. Staying friends no matter what should be a priority.
Reader Comments
Great questions! This might sound unhelpful but the answer is that the rules of being friends with benefits are defined by the people who are friends with benefits. It differs from person to person. For example, you ask about exclusivity, and I've had both FWB setups where we were exclusive and ones where we were free to see multiple people, so it's up to you. Whether it's unwise to get into a fwb situation again depends on the person. I think it's unwise in a few situations. 1. You know that you catch feelings easily and can't see yourself realistically being in sexual relationship without getting attached. If that's the case, you're just setting yourself up to get hurt. 2. The person is related to other people in your life, so if things get messy it can hurt the people around you. 3. You're not responsible about your sexual health. If you hook up with a bunch of people and don't stay safe, you can endanger yourself and the people you hook up with.
Otherwise, getting into a fwb situation can be rewarding!
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Otherwise, getting into a fwb situation can be rewarding!
To make friends with benefits work, it requires a lot of communication and checking in with each other. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules because each "relationship" sets their own rules. I like to be exclusive with my friends with benefits because I feel that it's less complicated, but if you want to hook up with multiple people at once you totally can, just make sure your friend is on the same page.
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Straight to point when you have a friend with benefits basically just sex . no strings attached suppose to be bit of fun if you like that sort of thing
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Have "the talk".. even if you feel nervous to have it, act confident and confidence will come through.. My life long friend and I began seeing each other but are too intimidated to make it a relationship SO we agreed FWB.. until he noticed (before I did) another man was interested in me.. which made my FWB step it up to exclusive FWB.. We're not planning anything, it's just taking its own coarse through honesty and transparency and mutual agreements x
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