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Stop trying to guess what his intentions are—get him to confess his feelings
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When you're crushing on a guy, it’s only normal to want to know how he feels about you in return. But he might not just come right out and say it—especially if he's shy! So how do you get him to tell you how he feels? Keep reading for signs a guy secretly wants to tell you he loves you, plus ways to encourage him to confess his feelings. Check them out, below!
Things You Should Know
- Be fun and flirty around him so he knows you’re approachable. Touch his shoulder, make eye contact, and gently tease him.
- Open up to him and encourage him to be himself around you so that he knows he can trust you. He may be nervous about confessing his feelings to you!
- Give him space, and live your life: make plans with friends and enjoy your alone time, and don’t wait around for him to text or confess his love. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
Steps
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Develop a trusting relationship by getting to know him better. Make him feel special by showing an interest in him as a person. Ask him about his passions and his dreams for the future, and be sure to reciprocate by opening up to him about your own passions and dreams: this will make him feel trustworthy and cement the bond between you both. [1] X Research source
- Tell him what your greatest fears are or share one of your most embarrassing moments. If he reciprocates, it's a sign he feels safe with you, maybe even safe enough to confess his feelings.
- Some people are more likely to open up over text, as it's lower pressure and it gives them more time to think out what they want to say. If your guy is too shy to open up in person (or if you are!), try drawing him out over text.
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Listen to him and avoid judgment. The fact that you could reject him may be what's holding him back from confessing his feelings. So don’t just invite him to open up to you: actively listen to what he says, maintaining a positive and calm attitude while he shares to make him feel comfortable. Let him know he’s free from judgment and that you appreciate the things that are unique about him. The goal is to develop let him know that he can speak freely to you about anything. [2] X Research source
- It’s hard for many guys to be emotionally available, and they often need a judgment-free environment to be comfortable opening up.
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Give him space. Many people don’t like it when they feel trapped by another person, even if they like that other person, so fawning all over him may actually push him away rather than draw him closer! Even as you develop a more trusting and emotionally open relationship with him, be sure not to smother him or pressure him to share personal things if he’s not up for it, and to give him space when he withdraws. [3] X Research source
- Be patient. Trying to move too quickly may frighten him and cause him to be less open around you.
- Be careful not to bombard him with text messages. Make sure that the text exchanges between the two of you are more equal than one-sided.
- In general, try not to initiate hanging out more than half of the time. If you ask him to hang out and he gives you a reason why he can't, let him be the one to ask you to spend time together next.
- If you give him space and he doesn't reach out to you to chat or initiate hangouts, it may be a sign he's not as into you as you'd like.
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Avoid chasing after him. If you chase after a guy you like in hopes that he will confess his feelings for you, he might want to keep running. Being chased might be more exciting for him than confessing how he feels about you. He may start to really enjoy being pursued by you instead of being the one to pursue you! Lay off a little bit and let him have the opportunity to realize that he does not want to lose you. This will help push him into telling you how he feels. [4] X Research source
- Don't show up to his work or house without being asked.
- If you cross paths at a party, don't follow him around all night. Mingle with other friends and show that you can hold your own.
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Be confident, but humble. Pretending to feel confident or boastful in order to hide your true feelings will make a man feel uneasy around you because he’ll sense that you’re pretending. If he feels uneasy, he can’t be honest with you about what he’s feeling. Be confident about who you are, but don't brag or come across as arrogant because it may push him away. [5] X Research source
- Lift people up rather than talking down to them, and try not to talk about how great you are. Offer compliments, listen well, and remember it’s okay to be wrong.
- If he hears you being judgmental about other people, he may fear that you’ll judge him too.
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Flirt a little bit with his friend to make him jealous. If you focus your attention on one of his friends, he might start to fear the idea of losing your interest to someone else and quickly let you know he’s into you. You don’t have to go too far with your flirtation, just engage his friend in a fun conversation to stir up some insecurity. Ask them questions about themselves to get a conversation going and hint you may be interested.
- "What do you like to do with your free time?"
- "What do you do for work?" or "What type of job do you want to do in the future?"
- If your guy tries to join or interrupt your conversation with his friend, it could be a sign he doesn't like you chatting one-on-one with his friend, or that he wants your attention to himself!
- Just be careful not to overdo it: if he thinks you actually like his friend, he'll back off. Or he may realize you're trying to make him jealous, and he won't appreciate it! [6] X Research source
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Conceal the extent of your feelings for him. Be friendly and flirty, but avoid letting on that you’re into him: he could be refraining from telling you his feelings because he thinks he already has you. Try playing a little hard to get by not always being available to hang out or not answering your phone every time he calls. This may make him confess his feelings for you sooner. [7] X Research source
- Give him a chance to miss you or wonder what you’re doing. Allow him the opportunity to text or call you first.
- If he asks you what you’re doing over the weekend, be honest, but make your plans sound exciting and rich. You might say, "I’m spending time with friends and catching a movie," or you may say, "This weekend I’m hanging out with my family for a little bit and then I’m not sure what I’ll do after that."
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Ask him in a charming and cute way if he likes you. If you can't get him to confess how he feels, no harm will come to you if you just ask him directly! If he's being shy about confessing his feelings, then be honest and tell him you like him. It may cause him to reveal his undying devotion to you. If you’ve already developed a close friendship and you’ve noticed that he responds to your smiles and flirts with you, feel free to ask him. Here are some ways you can ask him:
- Try sitting or standing next to him and say, "I like you and I'm wondering if you maybe like me too?" or "I really like spending time with you, and I'm kinda hoping you like spending time with me. Do you like me?"
- If he doesn't know how to reply at first, giggle and say, "You like me, don't you?!" He’ll surely fall victim to your charm.
- If he says yes, congrats! You’ve won your heart's desire. If it’s a no, at least you know, so you can stop wasting your time and move on. If he takes time to think, don't worry: he may be having a hard time putting his thoughts into coherent words.
- Reader Poll: Did you know that out of 414 wikiHow readers, 73% said that they've never actually asked out their crush? [Take Poll] While asking out your crush can be nerve wracking, by having the courage to ask, you’ll find out if they like you back and feel proud for putting yourself out there!
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Ensure he isn’t committed to someone else. Making sure your guy isn’t with someone else will help you avoid stepping on someone else’s toes. Even if he’s not dating someone, make sure he’s not crushing on anyone else or your efforts to get him to confess his love for you are likely to be futile. Do a little digging around: see what info you can get from his friends or social media, or simply by asking him questions. [8] X Research source
- Casually ask him, "Are you dating anyone?" or "Is there currently someone you're pursuing?" Simply asking won't give away any of your feelings.
- If you're nervous to ask in person, shoot him a text, or try asking one of his friends, "Do you know if he's dating someone?"
- If you can't ask anyone, check to see if he has his relationship status posted on Facebook or another social media outlet.
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See if his position on dating and relationships aligns with yours. If you discover that he’s single, then try to find out what his feelings are about relationships. This will allow you to see if you two are on the same page about dating. Ask him about his dating history, his relationship goals, and his expectations for a partner. Initiate these conversations in a private, personal setting, such as when you're hanging out alone together, or via text. [9] X Research source
- "When was your last relationship?"
- "Are you interested in dating?"
- "Do you go on dates often?"
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Have fun with him so he knows you’re approachable. When you hang out with him, try to keep things pleasant and lighthearted and joke around with him. Flirt by teasing or gently poking his shoulder during a conversation, and see how he reacts. If he laughs and teases you back, that is a good sign. Humor is a good way to open a heart that is leaning towards you: it shows you’re interested, which may make him more comfortable. [10] X Expert Source Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.- When he tells a joke, laugh (even if it’s kinda lame). This will boost his confidence and give him the green light to share his feelings with you. [11] X Research source
- A light touch on his arm or shoulder is a welcoming way to show you're interested .
- If he reciprocates by touching you back, laughing with you, or trying to make you laugh more, it's a sign he likes you and is getting closer to telling you!
- Flirt via text by sending a heart emoji, winking emoji, or a smirking face emoji.
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Make sure your feelings are mutual by looking for signs of chemistry. If you find that you’re always laughing with one another and are like-minded, chances are there’s a mutual attraction. Constant laughing and smiling are the biggest indicators that there’s something between you two. Guys will also use your name as much as they can when they have a crush on you. [12] X Research source
- If he’s constantly fidgeting with his hands or other objects, this is a sign that he’s feeling overstimulated or nervous around you and is definitely attracted.
- He may scan your appearance and point out tiny details. This is called imprinting, and this type of attachment is caused by the increase of dopamine levels.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you know if a guy likes you secretly?Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.See if he initiates conversations with you—this is a huge sign that he enjoys spending time with you. Responsiveness and enthusiasm in the conversation are other signs that he may like you back.
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QuestionWhat do I do if the guy I like doesn't like me?Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.Create a really good impression when you're around them! For example, try to take your focus off him and put it on your friends instead.
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QuestionWhat if he says he doesn't like you but then he really likes you? Also, how can you get him to tell you up front that he likes you?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerIf he says he isn't into you, unfortunately, you've just got to take his word for it! Even if you suspect he's lying out of shyness or for some other reason, if he says he doesn't feel that way about you, there's really nothing to do besides respect that. If he comes around later and says he likes you after all, then yay! But until then, you might just have to carry on with life.
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Tips
- Enjoy your life, when he's around and when he isn't. Enjoy activities that aren't dependent on him. This will indicate to him that you’re stable and desirable.Thanks
- Try not to wait around for him to confess his love—don't check your phone constantly waiting for him to text, and don't keep checking up on his social media to see what he's up to. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen!Thanks
- Remember, if he turns down your advances, it’s because it's not meant to be, not because you’re undesirable. Rejection stings—we know! But there are other fish in the sea.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- When walking with your friends around him, say something like, "Yesterday he told me that he liked me. Should I ask him out?" really loud so that he will get the urge to make a move, and fast.
- Walk casually past him with one of your friends, while saying a bit loudly, something like, "Seriously, if anyone was ever crushing on me, I'd want them to just tell me!"
- If your crush, like mine, likes to act cool or different around, and you catch them staring, that's a great sign.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about courting signals, check out our in-depth interview with Mark Rosenfeld .
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/201910/5-ways-get-people-open-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-bottom-line/201105/want-know-if-someone-likes-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201503/are-you-too-clingy-is-your-partner
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/202009/the-case-playing-hard-get
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-magic-human-connection/201612/confident-or-cocky
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/loves-evolver/201111/inducing-jealousy-get-your-mates-attention
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/202009/the-case-playing-hard-get
- ↑ https://hernorm.com/how-to-ask-if-someone-is-single/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/should-you-tell-your-partner-everything-about-your-past/
- ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-bottom-line/201105/want-know-if-someone-likes-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201910/8-key-nonverbal-signals-of-sexual-interest
About This Article
Article Summary
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To get a guy to admit that he likes you, first ask him a few questions about things he likes doing and what he wants when he's older to get to know him and build his trust. In general, try to be as honest as possible with him so he feels like he can be honest with you too. You should also try to give him a bit of time and space so he doesn’t feel pressured or overwhelmed. If he still doesn’t admit that he likes you, try telling him you like him and asking if he likes you back. For example, say something like, “I think you should know that I like you, and I’ve been wondering if you like me too?” For more tips, including how to find out if a guy likes someone else, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I found out my crush liked me (I was in college at the time), and I staged a loud chat with my friends about how if someone was crushing on me, I wanted them to just spill the beans. Three days later he did, we dated for 3 months, and then he proposed to me! We've been married for 3 years, and I'm 9 months pregnant with our first baby!" ..." more
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"I found out my crush liked me (I was in college at the time), and I staged a loud chat with my friends about how if someone was crushing on me, I wanted them to just spill the beans. Three days later he did, we dated for 3 months, and then he proposed to me! We've been married for 3 years, and I'm 9 months pregnant with our first baby!"
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"I know it's important to be myself around him, because if he doesn't like me for who I am, then it's obviously not meant to be! I also shouldn't change myself for him - every girl should know this and stick by it!"
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"Thank you! This helped, even though I'm in elementary school. This guy, Patrick, likes someone else. But I think with this info, I can get him to like me. I haven't been playing hard-to-get. Thank you!"
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