How to Handle a Mean Girl

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If you’ve ever been a victim of mean girl bullying, you are not alone. Mean girls’ words and actions can be painful and hard to let go of, but finding the right way to handle them will help you leave her in the past.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Ignoring the Mean Girl

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  1. Mean girls feed on reactions. When they say or do something mean and you yell at them, start crying, or run away, they feel successful. Even if you feel a little hurt, try to keep yourself composed by reminding yourself that you’re strong enough to refuse to respond to and engage in negative behavior. If you’re composed, the mean girl won’t think she got to you. [1]
    • Remind yourself that the goal of a bully is to get a reaction. If you don't react, then she loses. [2]
    • Try not to take the comments personally because they're not really about you. Bullies put others down because they feel bad about themselves. She wants you to feel bad so that she can feel better about herself.
  2. When the mean girl is mean to you, you might quickly feel a wave of negative emotions such as anger and sadness. Remove yourself from the situation for 5-10 minutes and go for a short walk or visit the restroom so that you can calm down. [3] This will help keep you from being mean back to the girl or reacting in a way that’ll let her know you’re upset.
    • Deep breathing exercises can lower your blood pressure and help you de-stress. If you’re feeling upset, try inhaling through your nose for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 4 seconds, exhaling for 4 seconds, and waiting for 4 seconds. [4]
    • Come up with a mantra to tell yourself during difficult times. Try saying something like, “I am strong,” or “No one defines me but me,” repeatedly in your head until you’re more calm.
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  3. If you act like the mean girl isn’t even there, you’ll remove her power completely. It takes strength and confidence to let hurtful words roll right off your back instead of internalizing them. Whenever the mean girl says or does hurtful things, don’t look at her or speak to her, and instead just continue with whatever you were doing before. [5]
  4. If the mean girl is actually someone who you associate with and spend time with, it might be best to take a step away from the friendship. Make yourself a little less available and spend more time doing activities you love with true friends who are more kind to you. [6]
  5. If you’ve tried to avoid the situation but she’s still being mean to you, it might be time to ask an adult for their help. Bring the problem up with any adult(s) you’re comfortable talking to, whether that’s your guidance counselor, parent(s), teacher(s), coach(es), or administrator(s). [7] [8] They may be able to give you advice and/or diffuse future situations.
    • If you’re physically harmed by the mean girl, tell an adult immediately. [9]
    • If you’re worried that the mean girl may find out you that you told on her and harass you for it, ask the adult to keep it a secret.
    • Don't ignore the issue if it's really bothering you. If you need help with taking steps toward addressing the situation, visit Stop Bullying at https://www.stopbullying.gov/ .
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Building Yourself Up

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  1. Put yourself in the mean girl’s shoes. You might think that she’s the most confident person you know, but that’s typically a front that mean girls put on. Usually, mean girls have deep rooted insecurities and/or problems going on in their lives. [10] While this doesn’t give them an excuse, realizing this may help you understand that their harassment isn’t about your flaws, but rather about their problems.
  2. If you get wrapped up in the mean girl’s comments and actions, you may become bitter and have a hard time keeping the meanness from negatively affecting your life. Consider telling the mean girl that you forgive her for what she’s said and done and asking her if you can start fresh. You can also move forward by keeping your forgiveness to yourself and focusing your energy elsewhere. [11]
  3. If you’re being harassed by a mean girl, you aren’t the problem, she is. It can be really difficult not to listen to or believe the mean things she says about you, but you know in your heart that you’re so much more than the nasty things she says. It’s hard to be positive when she’s being so negative, but it’s important to remember that you are a person with value. [12] If you’re struggling to feel happy and confident about yourself because of the mean girl, try to:
    • Keep a journal about how you feel.
    • Think of three good things about yourself whenever you’re stuck on one bad thing she said about you.
    • Do activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself.
  4. Don’t try to deal with bullying all on your own. If the mean girl won’t stop harassing you, talk to a teacher, parent, or guidance counselor about the things she’s saying and doing that hurt you. [13] You can also talk to your friends about how to handle it. If they’re willing to stand up for you, the mean girl may not bother you as much.
  5. Invest in the solid, stable friendships you have instead of constantly engaging in negativity with the mean girl. Go do fun activities with your friends and make good memories and bonds with them. This will help you feel more happy and secure. [14]
  6. Spend some time doing an activity that you enjoy and are skilled at. This will help you feel more confident in yourself and your abilities. It’s also a good idea to try a new hobby because learning something new can also be empowering.
    • If you like sports, consider signing up for recreational soccer or basketball.
    • If you love doing makeup, watch tutorials on YouTube and practice following the steps on yourself or on a friend.
    • If you’re interested in music, take guitar or piano lessons or try writing a song.
    • Look for activities that make you laugh, such as going to comedy shows or taking comedy classes. Laughing is a great way to boost your mood. [16]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Helping Your Child Deal with a Mean Girl

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  1. Bullying can affect your child for life, causing long-term effects like low self esteem or even suicide. It's important that you address bullying immediately. Children do not always open up about bullying, but there are some signs you can watch for:
    • Sudden bed-wetting
    • Headaches
    • Stomach aches
    • Sleep issues
    • Skin problems
    • Dizziness
    • Abdominal pain
  2. If your child has been dealing with a mean girl, it’s important to help them sort through their emotions. Empathize with your child to help them feel heard.
    • Validate their feelings by saying something like, “Wow, it was mean of Sophie to take your phone and text your crush to tell him that you like him. No wonder you’re feeling frustrated and embarrassed. I’d feel that way too.” [17]
  3. Show that you care and are willing to listen by asking your child about their challenges with the mean girl. This may make them more comfortable with coming to you when they’re struggling to handle tiffs with mean girls in the future. Asking questions should also help them learn how to fully express what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it.
    • For example, if your child says “I don’t like Jenny,” then you might ask, “Why not? What did she do that you didn’t like?”
  4. Once your child is in tune with their emotions, start a dialogue about what to do in the situation. Even if your child says they want to hit the mean girl or call her names back, validate their thoughts and suggestions. Then guide them towards a healthier solution.
    • For example, you might say, “I understand why you’re feeling hurt, and why you want to hurt her back. But what other ways do you think you could respond to her mean behavior?”
    • Don’t just tell your child what to do. Letting them find solutions on their own is much more empowering and will help them feel heard, understood, and supported. [18]
  5. If your child is willingly spending time with the mean girl, they may get pressured to be mean to others also. Try to explain to your child the importance of prioritizing kindness over popularity, as doing this may lead to fewer regrets and will also surround them with people that bring them happiness. [19]
  6. It can be difficult for kids to know who their true friends are. Communicate to your child that anyone who calls them names or does things to hurt them doesn’t have their best interest at heart. Encourage your child to spend their time with those who are supportive of them 100% of the time. [20]
  7. Mean girls often use social media as a bullying tool. If your child has access to computers or smartphones, stay up to date on the new apps and current social media bullying methods so that you can monitor what’s being said to and about your child online. [21]
    • Be “friends” with your child on social media.
    • Talk to your child about how you’ll be monitoring them on social media. If you hide this from your child, they may feel like their privacy is being invaded and lose trust in you.
  8. If the mean girl is constantly pestering your child, you may feel like you can’t do much about it because you’re not there with them. Schedule a meeting with your child’s teacher(s) and/or administrator(s) to bring the problem to their attention. That way, they can keep an eye on the mean girl and put a stop to the meanness as soon as it starts. [22]
    • Seek out professional mental help for your child if the bullying persists or has lasting effects on your child's self-esteem.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What type of return answers can we give to those who insult me or others?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    The best thing you can do is to not take it personally or let the insults affect you. Recognize that they have an issue and not you. Your best response is to genuinely laugh it off or ignore it all together.
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  • Question
    One of my friends is so mean and bullies me sometimes. How do I stop it and/or get rid of her?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Tell her that you will not be friends with her any longer if she acts mean towards you. Be specific about what you consider mean as she may not be aware of it as well. If it continues then stop being friends with her.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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      Tips

      • Remember that you are a beautiful, unique person inside and out, no matter what others say. Only you can define who you are.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Make more friends, and whenever possible, travel in a group. Bullies tend to pick on people who are walking around the school alone. If you are alone, then walk with confidence.
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      Warnings

      • The first time someone hits you, trips you, or does anything else physical, report it immediately.
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      • If someone gets physical, first look for ways to remove yourself from the situation. Say something like, "I'm not looking for a fight, is there a way we could talk this out?" If they throw the first punch and you still can't find a way out, defend yourself the best way you can.
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      • Do not snap back with hurtful insults or comebacks. This may give you the reputation of being a bully as well.
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      • Don't seek revenge.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFhA1oVHA-A&feature=youtu.be&t=1m51s
      2. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm
      4. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
      5. ↑ http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/safety/helping-bullied-child
      6. ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/empowerment/cut-toxic-people-life/
      7. ↑ http://www.girlscouts.org/en/raising-girls/leadership/life-skills/handle-bullies-with-confidence.html
      8. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
      9. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/how-to-deal-with-bullies
      1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFhA1oVHA-A&feature=youtu.be&t=4m43s
      2. ↑ https://pintsizedtreasures.com/how-to-help-your-daughter-deal-with-mean-girls/
      3. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/how-to-deal-with-bullies
      4. ↑ https://www.stompoutbullying.org/how-to-deal-with-bullies
      5. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFhA1oVHA-A&feature=youtu.be&t=3m41s
      6. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter#1
      8. ↑ http://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/a58448/how-to-help-daughter-deal-with-mean-girls/
      9. ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/mind/mean-girls-how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-abouttoxic-friendships/
      10. ↑ http://www.imom.com/teaching-your-daughter-how-to-handle-mean-girls/#.WcreSkyZO8V
      11. ↑ http://www.imom.com/teaching-your-daughter-how-to-handle-mean-girls/#.WcreSkyZO8V
      12. ↑ https://austinmoms.com/2017/08/28/handle-mean-girls-mean-moms/
      13. ↑ https://austinmoms.com/2017/08/28/handle-mean-girls-mean-moms/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      The best way to handle a mean girl is to try to ignore her, even if it feels hard. If you can, pretend she’s invisible or walk away to show her she can’t affect you. If ignoring her seems impossible, take a deep breath and think of 3 cool, unique things that make you who you are. Build up your confidence by doing things you love and spending time with friends who really care about you. Focus on making your life as awesome as you are, and you’ll realize she never had any power over you to begin with. For more advice, like how to report a mean girl to an adult, read on!

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