A Complete Guide to the Physical Touch Love Language

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Discover if physical touch is your love language (or your partner’s)
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A gentle touch on the arm. A cuddle session on the couch. These are both examples of the physical touch love language, 1 of the 5 main ways that people prefer to express and receive love. But what exactly does the term “physical touch” mean—and more importantly, how do you apply it to your relationship? We’ll walk you through everything you need to know, like how to know if physical touch is your love language, how to express physical touch to your partner, and how to accommodate this love language in a long-distance relationship (LDR).

This article is based on an interview with our licensed psychologist, Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

  • Physical touch is a love language that uses physical connection, including hugs, holding hands, and more, to show affection and care.
  • Physical touch might be your love language if you feel especially loved and appreciated through physical acts, like hugs, kisses, PDA, and intimacy.
  • Sprinkle physical acts like kisses, cuddles, hugs, hand-holding, and spontaneous touches into your relationship if your partner appreciates physical touch.
Section 1 of 4:

What is the physical touch love language?

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  1. Dr. Gary Chapman came up with the concept of the 5 love languages: that there are 5 unique ways that people prefer to give and receive love. According to Chapman, understanding your partner’s love language can help you both to bond and connect on a deeper level. The physical touch love language relates to anyone who best expresses or receives love through physical interactions, like holding hands, hugging, or other subtle touches. [1]
    • The other love languages are words of affirmation, gift giving, quality time, and acts of service.
    • Not totally sure what your love language is? Take wikiHow’s Love Language Quiz to find out.
  2. Believe it or not, “physical touch” isn’t just a synonym for enjoying sex. Physical touch encompasses all of the different ways that two people can show support through touch—while sex can certainly be part of that equation, it definitely isn’t the main element. [2]
    • Physical touch can mean different things to different people. What matters most is that you and your partner are on the same page about what types of touch are most significant for one another.
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Section 2 of 4:

Signs That Physical Touch Is Your Love Language

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  1. Sure, most people enjoy kissing their partners to some degree—but you love it. Being able to express your love in such a simple, physical way means a lot to you, and you appreciate any opportunity to show your partner how much you love and care about them. [3]
  2. From a gentle neck rub to brushing shoulders while you watch TV, there’s no denying that the little things make the biggest difference to you. You find yourself enjoying (and maybe even craving) those small but significant acts of contact when physical touch is your love language. [4]
  3. You love touching your partner, whether you’re at home or out on the town. You often find yourself looking for opportunities to stay close and cozy with your partner while you’re both in public, like holding hands or pulling them in for a kiss.
    • You can dislike PDA and still have physical touch be your love language. PDA and the physical touch love language aren’t one and the same—you can have one without the other. [5]
  4. Back massages? Check. Foot massages? Check. Hand and neck massages? Check and check. Whether you’re receiving a back massage after a long day or helping your partner unwind with a foot massage, you appreciate the opportunity to be able to say “I love you” in such a direct, physical way. [6]
    • Always ask your partner and see if they want a massage before just diving in.
  5. You find it really touching and special when your partner takes time out of their day or night to have initiate sex or perform some kind of intimate act together. The request makes you feel wanted and desired, and you enjoy being able to communicate your love for your partner in such a physical way.
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Section 3 of 4:

Ways to Show Love with Physical Touch

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  1. Kissing is a classic, romantic way to show your partner that you care, so don’t hesitate to make it a regular part of your day-to-day routine. A peck on the cheek can be a quick and easy way to show your affection, or you can also: [7]
    • Give them kisses on different parts of their body, like their forehead
    • Kiss them before they head out and as soon as they get home
    • Smooch them while you’re on a romantic date/outing
  2. Holding your partner’s hand is a simple but effective way to let them know that you care about them and that you like being close to them. Try making this gesture a regular part of your relationship by: [8]
    • Reaching for your partner’s hand while you’re having a deep discussion
    • Grabbing their hand while you’re sitting at the dinner table
    • Holding hands while you watch a movie or TV show together
  3. Whether it’s a big bear hug or a suave hug from behind, any type of embrace is an effective way to remind your partner that you love and cherish their company. Continue sharing the love with gestures like: [9]
    • Giving them a big hug when you see them for the first time that day
    • Embracing them as soon as they get home from a long day of work
    • Lifting/spinning them around during a hug
    • Surprising them with a random hug just because you feel like it
  4. The only thing better than a good hug is a good cuddle session, especially if physical touch is your partner’s love language. Set aside time to really cuddle up and get close to your partner, whether that’s: [10]
    • Snuggling on the couch together
    • Cozying up together in bed
    • Leaning against them while you’re at the movies
  5. Public displays of affection definitely aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but some people really enjoy expressing their love publicly (especially if physical touch is their love language). If your partner is comfortable with it, try cozying up with them when you’re out and about. You could:
    • Hold hands while you’re walking down the street
    • Give them a big hug while you’re out shopping
    • Kiss them while you go for a stroll in the park
    • Snuggle against them when you sit together on the bus/train
  6. Any type of massage can be a real treat to someone who loves and appreciates physical touch—and why wouldn’t it? Massages are all about taking intentional time to make your partner feel comfortable and appreciated with careful and methodical attention. [11] Here are a few guides on how to give your partner a massage at home:
  7. From a gentle hand on the arm to an intentional pat on the back, subtle touches really embody the physical touch love language well. When your partner seems comfortable, look for opportunities to touch them in a subtle but meaningful way that shows how much you care, like: [12]
    • Patting or rubbing your partner on the back to comfort them
    • Using your finger to gently outline some of the features, like their lips or nose
    • Tucking a tendril of their hair back
    • Combing their hair with your fingers
  8. No, the physical touch love language definitely doesn’t revolve around sex—but intimacy can still be a way to physically express your love. [13] Based on your established boundaries and conversations with your partner, see if they would appreciate special, intimate gestures, like:
    • Inviting them to have sex
    • Lathering them up in the shower
    • Surprising them with something that turns them on
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Section 4 of 4:

How to Manage Physical Touch in an LDR

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  1. Video chats and phone calls are the bread and butter of any LDR—but they can be especially valuable if you or your partner has physical touch as their love language. Try to schedule regular calls so you can see and chat with them frequently. Although it isn’t quite the same as being in the same physical space as them, it’s the next best thing!
  2. Missing your partner’s touch? Let them know! Comments like “I wish I could give you a hug” or “It feels so great when we get to hold hands” can go a long way, and can help your partner feel really loved and appreciated. [14]
    • “I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever right now. You’d wrap me up in your arms and I’d get a big whiff of that lavender laundry detergent you always use.”
    • “I’m going to pretend I’m holding your hand right now. It makes me feel so safe—like we could both take on anything.”
  3. Swapping hoodies and sweaters isn’t just for high schoolers—it’s great for any person in an LDR who wants an extra-special connection to their partner. Slip into your partner’s clothing item before you go to bed and pretend that they’re there with you, snuggling and holding you close. While it definitely doesn’t replace your SO’s physical presence, it can be a big physical comfort while you’re both separated. [15]
    • If you’re both separated a lot, consider switching hoodies/sweaters back and forth each time you visit one another. Knowing that you’re wearing something your partner recently wore can be really comforting.
  4. You may not be able to spend physical time with your partner, but you can at least make sure that your partner is enjoying plenty of physical, soothing activities while you’re both apart. Booking them a professional massage could be a great way to show your love, along with a trip to the spa or to a museum they really like.
    • Does your partner like wine? Book them a trip to a local wine tasting so they can enjoy all the different sights, scents, and tastes.
    • Does your partner get stressed pretty easily? Send them a set of scented candles or aromatherapy accessories to help them relax.
  5. What better way to show love through physical touch than by planning your next get-together? Sit down together (virtually) and figure out the best time to visit. Having a physical meet-up set in the future will make it easier to count down the days, and will give you both something to look forward to. [16]
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      Warnings

      • Always ask for permission or do a vibe check before you physically touch your partner in any way. Consent is essential in any relationship, and checking in with your partner shows that you respect and care about them. [17]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/applying-the-5-love-languages-to-healthy-relationships/
      2. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/what-are-love-languages
      3. ↑ https://www.familycentre.org/news/post/5-different-ways-to-show-love-and-improve-your-relationship
      4. ↑ https://irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/6e5efd05/files/uploaded/5%20Love%20Languages.pdf
      5. ↑ https://verilymag.com/2017/10/gary-chapman-5-love-languages-physical-touch-five-love-languages
      6. ↑ https://irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/6e5efd05/files/uploaded/5%20Love%20Languages.pdf
      7. ↑ https://www.familycentre.org/news/post/5-different-ways-to-show-love-and-improve-your-relationship
      8. ↑ https://irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/6e5efd05/files/uploaded/5%20Love%20Languages.pdf
      9. ↑ http://aep.advising.uw.edu/site/assets/files/1430/lovegarick.pdf
      1. ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2015/02/cuddle-and-hug-your-way-to-better-health/
      2. ↑ https://irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/6e5efd05/files/uploaded/5%20Love%20Languages.pdf
      3. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/what-are-love-languages
      4. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/understanding-love-stages-and-languages/
      5. ↑ https://verilymag.com/2016/09/5-love-languages-long-distance-relationships-words-of-affirmation-for-guys
      6. ↑ https://www.voxmagazine.com/news/five-love-languages-long-distance-relationships/article_b1a99cc6-9ef5-11ec-a389-af15c8dbc8b7.html
      7. ↑ https://verilymag.com/2016/09/5-love-languages-long-distance-relationships-words-of-affirmation-for-guys
      8. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/applying-the-5-love-languages-to-healthy-relationships/

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