The Power of Silence After a Breakup: Why It Matters & 10 Ways to Use It

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Understanding the power of silence and how it affects breakups
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Breakups can be painful, no matter how they came about. And, whether you want to win your ex back or move on from them for good, radio silence can really help in the aftermath of a split. Wondering what that means? We’re here to help. Read on, and we’ll explain why silence is such a powerful tool after breakups and how to use it as you process, heal, and ultimately decide whether it’s time to reunite with your ex or turn over a new leaf with someone else.

Things You Should Know

  • Silence (or radio silence) after a breakup means dropping all contact with your ex, from texts and phone calls to social media interactions.
  • Create silence after a breakup by blocking your ex on social media, deleting their number from your phone, and avoiding them in public.
  • Radio silence is a powerful tool! It can help you reflect and process the breakup, boost your confidence, and get your ex to miss you.
Section 1 of 4:

What is radio silence after a breakup?

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  1. When you go through a breakup, you might be tempted to text or call your ex in the aftermath, either to get closure or to try and reconcile. However, staying in contact while the breakup is still raw can make healing more difficult, whereas going radio silent and cutting all contact can help you and your ex come to terms with what happened. [1]
    • Radio silence is a common tactic to use after breakups. You can use it to move on from your ex, or you can use it to get your ex to miss you so they eventually re-establish contact.
  2. Many people use the “no-contact rule” in the wake of a breakup. The no-contact rule is a popular post-breakup technique that relies on the power of silence. The goal of this rule is simply to distance yourself from your ex, not calling, texting, or initiating any kind of contact for a set amount of time after a breakup. After the allotted time passes (and if you want to), you can re-establish contact with your ex. [2]
    • A typical no-contact period lasts between 30 and 60 days.
    • Try going radio silent for 30 days if you want to get your ex back.
    • Alternatively, consider going silent for 60 days if you just want to move on.
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Section 2 of 4:

Why is silence powerful after a breakup?

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  1. Continuing to talk to your ex post-breakup is a surefire source of heartache. Going silent gives you space to calm down, clear your head, and reflect more objectively on why things didn’t work out. Figure out what went wrong, what went right, and what lessons you can carry with you into your next relationship. [3]
    • Objectivity is key! Look for mistakes you made, too, and not just mistakes on your ex’s part. The more you reflect, the better you’ll understand what really happened.
    • When you understand the causes that led to your breakup, you may be able to do things differently in the future.
  2. It’s hard to heal from the pain of a breakup when you’re still in contact with your ex—after all, you’re constantly reminded of them. Going radio silent can help you turn your focus away from your ex and onto the healing process. A no-contact period is a great opportunity to do things that make you feel happy and spend time with your support system! [4]
    • There’s no concrete timeline for healing from a breakup, so be patient with yourself , take it one day at a time, and remind yourself that the pain is temporary. It won’t last forever.
    • It’s also important to get in a better mindset before jumping back into dating. Starting a new relationship too soon can turn it into a rebound, whereas silence will help you start your next relationship with a clean slate.
  3. Breakups can definitely impact your self-confidence, especially if your ex was a big source of encouragement. Silence is super important because it gives you a chance to build that confidence back up without having to worry that a random interaction with your ex will bring you back down. [5]
    • When you go radio silent, you’re making the choice to cut contact with your ex. Realizing you’re strong enough to do that can really boost those feelings of empowerment!
    • Remember that relationships do not determine your worth. Breakups happen when two people realize they aren’t compatible; it’s not about who you are as a person.
  4. Remember the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? Well, that’s often very true. Silence gives your ex a chance to notice your absence and really miss having you around. If you stay in touch with them during the aftermath of the breakup, they might not get the chance to miss you properly.
    • When you don’t call, text, or ask to see them, your ex is more likely to start wondering what you’re up to.
    • Eventually, when their curiosity gets the better of them, your ex might even take the next step and contact you—rather than the other way around. From there, you can decide whether you want them back in your life.
  5. Choosing to go silent after a breakup puts you in control of the situation because you have the power to re-establish contact with your ex or move on entirely. Breakups can make you feel helpless, especially if your ex was the one who ended things, so taking back control through silence can be a helpful way to cope. [6]
  6. After a breakup, some people feel the urge to jump immediately into a new relationship to fill the void their ex left behind. By taking your time and opting for silence instead, you’re showing your ex that you aren’t desperate—and that you respect yourself enough not to rush the healing process after your breakup. [7]
  7. Is your goal moving on from your ex (instead of eventually reconciling)? No matter how badly you want to move on, seeing and speaking to your ex regularly ensures that some part of you keeps hoping for a reunion. Going radio silent can help you stop thinking about your ex and start looking forward to the future. [8]
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Section 3 of 4:

Establishing Silence After a Breakup

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  1. If you opt for silence, it’s a good idea to figure out how long you want to cut contact with your ex. You might decide to wait a month, a couple of months, a year, or drop all contact for good if the breakup was especially bad. The important thing is that you give the no-contact period enough time to work and don’t re-establish contact too early. [9]
    • Wondering when is too early to contact your ex after a period of silence? There’s no hard and fast rule; check in with yourself and evaluate how you feel about the breakup every so often.
    • Generally, if you feel like going radio silence hasn’t worked yet (and you’re still feeling bad about the breakup), that’s a good indication you might need to give it some more time.
  2. Worried you might break the silence and call your ex in a moment of weakness? Remove the temptation to call your ex after the breakup by erasing their number. Even if you know their number by heart, you’re still more likely to catch yourself before calling them if you must manually type in the number. [10]
    • If you aren’t sure you want to lose their number completely, write it down on a piece of paper and give it to someone you trust for safekeeping. That way, you can’t use it, but it’s not gone forever.
  3. Going silent after a breakup means no contact between you and your ex, even over social media. Block them on all your accounts—Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and so on—so you can’t get messages from them or see their posts and photos. Stalking your ex’s social media profiles will only make the breakup feel worse and prolong the healing process. [11]
  4. You probably remember many of your ex’s favorite places to spend time, and your ex likely recalls yours as well. To avoid accidental encounters with them (and to resist the urge to look for them when you’re out and about), stay away from the places your ex most commonly frequents, if possible. [12]
    • You don’t have to walk on eggshells or look over your shoulder constantly to avoid your ex; just play it cool and find alternative places to go if you know where your ex usually is at a particular time.
  5. It can be tempting to reach out to your ex’s friends in the hopes that they’ll tell you about your ex and how they’re doing, but it’s best to keep your distance. Asking around your ex’s friend group can make you look a little desperate and probably won’t help you reconcile with your ex any faster. [13]
    • If you and your ex have mutual friends, that’s a different story. You’re definitely not obligated to cut off a good friend just because they know your ex!
    • Instead, you might set some boundaries with mutual friends and ask them to steer clear of mentioning your ex around you for a while.
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Section 4 of 4:

Using Silence to Process the Breakup

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  1. The aftermath of a breakup can be a really emotional time, and it’s important that you have a place to vent those emotions. Sharing them with your ex can lead to more turmoil, and bottling them up isn’t healthy, so try keeping a journal instead. Write down all of your feelings about the breakup, especially when you feel tempted to text your ex. [14] For example:
    • Think about how you’ve been feeling lately and keep a record of your moods.
    • Reflect on the problems and major issues from your relationship and write about them.
    • Consider what you’ve learned from the relationship. What changes can you make in future relationships? Have your standards for a romantic partner changed at all?
  2. After a breakup, it’s important to keep your routine running as smoothly as possible. Breakups are jarring and painful, so sticking to a routine can maintain a sense of normalcy in your life. Eat well, exercise, and make time for plenty of sleep in your daily schedule; the more you follow a routine, the easier it’ll be to take care of yourself as you process the breakup. [15]
  3. When your ex abruptly disappears from your life after a breakup, it’s easy to feel lonely—but that’s just another reason to indulge in self-care and live life to the fullest. Do things that make you happy, including making time for your favorite hobbies, spending time with your best friends, and pampering yourself from time to time. [16]
    • For example, you could set aside a couple of hours each day to play games if you’re a big video game fan or invite your friends for a night out if you’re feeling lonely.
    • You could pamper yourself with a luxurious, spa-quality bubble bath or just curl up on the couch with a favorite snack and one of your comfort TV shows.
  4. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone who cares about you when you’re feeling sad, upset, or overwhelmed in the wake of a breakup. A strong support system can help you through moments of weakness when you feel most tempted to break the silence and contact your ex. Try calling a friend instead of your ex, and work through your feelings with them instead. [17]
  5. As you maintain radio silence with your ex, consider how you feel about your current situation. Then, take the time to honestly think about how you may want to move forward in the future and why. [18] Ensure you’re moving on—or reuniting with your ex—for the right reasons, and ask yourself questions like:
    • “Do I really want my ex back, or am I feeling lonely?”
    • “Will contacting my ex help either of us right now? Is it possible they might still need time to heal too?”
    • “Why am I reaching out to my ex? Am I setting myself up for more pain?”
    • After you’ve thoroughly analyzed your thoughts and feelings, you can make an informed decision about how to move forward.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I make it easier to get over a breakup?
    Maggie Mitchell
    Life Coach
    Maggie Mitchell is a Life Coach and the Owner of InnerCoastal Coaching in Raleigh, North Carolina. With more than 15 years of experience, she specializes in helping individuals with communication, anxiety, stress, problem-solving, decision making, meditation, and healthy boundaries. Maggie holds an MS in Counseling Psychology from Gannon University and received her Executive Coach Certificate from The International Coaching Community (ICC).
    Maggie Mitchell
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you have the option, it is much easier to get over a breakup by cutting ties, including removing them from your social media. Remove reminders: don’t look at old photos, don’t play music that reminds you of that person, schedule a therapy session, stop the “what-ifs'' from churning in your mind.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.feelandthrive.com/dealing-with-a-breakup/power-of-silence-after-breakup/
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/06/going-no-contact
      3. ↑ https://www.feelandthrive.com/dealing-with-a-breakup/power-of-silence-after-breakup/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-end-contact-your-ex
      5. ↑ https://www.feelandthrive.com/dealing-with-a-breakup/power-of-silence-after-breakup/
      6. ↑ https://www.feelandthrive.com/dealing-with-a-breakup/power-of-silence-after-breakup/
      7. ↑ https://www.feelandthrive.com/dealing-with-a-breakup/power-of-silence-after-breakup/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-end-contact-your-ex
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202102/6-steps-turn-your-breakup-breakthrough
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202102/6-steps-turn-your-breakup-breakthrough
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grieving-after-a-break-up-6-strategies-to-help-you-heal/
      3. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grieving-after-a-break-up-6-strategies-to-help-you-heal/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202102/6-steps-turn-your-breakup-breakthrough
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      7. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grieving-after-a-break-up-6-strategies-to-help-you-heal/
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm

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