Q&A for How to Be a Good Father

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How do I cope with the loss of my own father and still be a good father?

Community Answer

Seek counseling if possible, share memories of your father with your own kids and use him as an inspiration for raising your children.

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Question

How can I better understand my children?

Community Answer

Talk to them. If you want to understand your children, you must communicate with them. Try to understand they are not perfect and are flawed human beings just like everyone else. Realize your children are not you and may make decisions for themselves that differ from yours; however, try to support their decisions regardless.

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Question

What should I do if my child is not taking responsibility for himself?

Community Answer

You have to tell your child that if he wants to be treated like an adult, he has to act like an adult. You shouldn't have to tell him or remind him of anything - especially if he already knows what his responsibilities are. He has to learn that there are consequences for every decision he makes.

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Question

How can I be a good step dad?

Community Answer

Follow the instructions listed in the article above. They apply to step dads as well.

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Question

How can I encourage my kids to do martial arts and even to go into the military? I want them to be better than me, for one thing, but more importantly, I want them to be better than my father.

Community Answer

Share your interests with them. Show them whatever skills you might have. Ask if they'd be interested in signing up for some martial arts. Maybe watch movies with them that involve these subjects, take them to museums/exhibits with related material, etc. Make it fun. But don't push anything on them. It's not your children's job to be another version of you, an improvement on you or your father, or anything like that. They are their own persons and will develop their own personalities, interests, desires, and dreams. You have to respect that, and you should encourage them in whatever they end up pursuing. There are countless ways to be good and successful in this world.

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Question

How do I be a good father to an adult child who has made some life changing mistakes?

Community Answer

Accepting that everyone makes mistakes is a good start. You need to realize that your adult child is also having a hard time attempting to connect with you, so starting to casually spend time with him or her (going out to lunch, going to a movie, going shopping, etc.). That is a necessary part of becoming a better father. Treat him or her like a new friend that you want to impress. Don't talk down to them; if you try hard, you will slowly but surely feel a connection with them. And whatever you do, don't shift blame, disappointment or annoyance onto them. The past is done with, look onward.

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Question

How can I gain respect and trust from my children?

Community Answer

Listen to them and give them advice when asked. Spend time with them and keep your promises. Also, respect and love their mother.

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