Q&A for How to Conceal Your Farting in Public

Tighten your glutes (butt) muscles as tightly as you possibly can while coughing.

You won't be able to get rid of all of the smell, but you can reduce the sound by clenching your glutes (butt) muscles as tightly as you can and sitting down, especially on something soft like a pillow. You can reduce the smell by letting the fart out slowly, bit-by-bit.

The sounds produced by flatulence are linked to the muscles in the sphincter. The more you contract these muscles, the more sound is produced. To conceal your flatulence, relax your muscles. Warning: Don't relax them too much...

Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

The answers in the article do provide a lot of useful information. Passing gas, like urination and defecation, is a valid reason to ask to be excused to go to the toilet.

This depends on too many factors to give a specific answer: the amount of gas, the fabric of your clothes, air turbulence, the way you are dressed, etc. In jeans for example, the smell can faintly stay with the fabric until you wash it, which according to some can be as much as up to six months. If you are not wearing pants under a skirt or kilt outside on a particularly windy day, the smell will be gone in as little as two to three seconds.

Of course, in spite of your best efforts, it is possible that your flatulence cannot be concealed. Though it's a normal thing, it can be quite embarrassing. Own up, apologize and move on.

Blame it on someone else, or just leave the room.

Simply excuse yourself and apologize.

If you feel like you need to fart when you start laughing, laugh louder. If that doesn't work and someone hears it, just play it off like, "What? I snort when I laugh."

Yes, that really helps. It also helps to squeeze your butt cheeks together so the fart can't escape.

If it happens, it's not a big deal. Just laugh and move on. It is a normal bodily function and everyone does it.

Simply argue back and try to place the blame on them. This is the most effective method.

Though the muscles involved are completely separate, the involuntary aspect of a sneeze may disrupt your conscious control of your abdominal and rectal muscles, resulting in flatulence. Practice makes perfect though. Try to induce sneezing (such as by light tickling or looking into a bright light) while you are controlling your posterior to improve your skills.

No, it is not ethical to pass off your flatulence as having been caused by a friend. Flatulence is a normal process in the human body. Most of the time it is just best to say nothing, as awkward as that may be for all present, but it is at least a lesser evil than blaming a friend. If it becomes obvious who made the smell and a joke is being made of it, own up to it, excuse your social faux pas and promise that it won't happen again. Initially people will be annoyed, but it'll pass quickly .

Not only will it not prevent the odor from your flatulence, it risks staining the fabric badly and leaving an unsightly mark. Moreover, the combination of artificial fragrance and flatulence combined can be quite unpleasant, especially in humid environments.

Lighting a match is a great way to get rid of the bad smell from a fart. If that's not an option, try to head somewhere with airflow: standing in front of a fan or an open window can help blow the fart smell away fast.

Don't blame unless it's obvious. Just say "Did you just fart?"