This article was co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
and by wikiHow staff writer, Finn Kobler
. Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over twelve years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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Keeping a marriage lively and interesting takes effort. But no matter how long you’ve known each other, there’s always a way to learn a little more about your hubby and vice versa. It might shock you how a simple question can generate fresh conversation and rejuvenate your connection. In this article, we’ll offer you dozens of quick q’s to throw at each other, from the steamy to the spiritual to the just plain silly. Keep reading and you’ll be chatting for hours, discovering new treasures about each other along the way.
Things You Should Know
- Break the ice with a silly conversation starter. No matter how comfortable you are with each other, goofy questions will make you both relax more.
- Get flirty and romantic by asking something provocative or a question that encourages you to compliment each other.
- Don’t be afraid to get deep or philosophical. Asking about complex subjects sparks great conversation and gets ideas flowing freely.
Steps
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Break the ice with a silly conversation starter. Ask your beloved something playful and ridiculous to get him chatting. No matter how comfortable you are with each other, opening with an ice breaker question will help you both feel a little more relaxed. [1] X Research source
- “What’s your most used emoji?”
- “If you could live in any decade, which would you choose?”
- “If you could be any seasoning, what spice would you be?”
- “What’s your favorite mythical creature?”
- “What do you think we should celebrate as a national holiday?”
- “Rate your laugh on a scale of 1-10.”
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Make him feel loved by asking something intimate and romantic. It can be about your first date, your first kiss, the moment he knew you were the one. Throwing out situations that remind you of your affection for each other is a great way to rekindle that warm feeling (no pun intended…well, maybe a little). [2] X Research source
- “What’s something I’ve done recently that made you feel special?”
- “What makes us a good team?”
- “How do I remind you of home?”
- “What does love mean to you?”
- “What flower do I remind you of?”
- “What’s your perfect date night?”
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Get deep with a philosophical question. Ask him something about how he looks at himself, the world, or humanity as a whole. We all have theories on the big stuff: the creation of the universe, how to improve society for the better. Acknowledge that you respect his ideas about serious subjects and he’ll feel incredibly valued. [3] X Research source
- “What’s the most noble thing someone can do?”
- “Do you have to feel pain to know love?”
- “What does friendship mean to you?”
- “What issue does the government need to pay more attention to?”
- “Is the internet good, bad, or neutral?”
- “What makes a person a person?”
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Ask him about his past. Was he a completely different person before he met you? Would you have gotten along as kids? Taking a trip down memory lane will open up feelings of love, playfulness, and nostalgia. Plus, who doesn’t love a hilariously embarrassing story from middle school? [4] X Research source
- “What are 3 words you’d use to describe yourself in high school?”
- “What’s your favorite memory with your family?”
- “What career did you want when you were a kid?”
- “If you could give advice to you from 5 years ago, what would you say?”
- “Who was your childhood best friend? Why?”
- “What’s your earliest memory?”
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Learn about his goals. Odds are, after you two said “I do,” you became pretty lock-step in planning for the future together. But that doesn’t mean you know about all his dreams. What hobbies does he want to take up? How’s he trying to live each day to the fullest? Getting him to talk about his ambitions will open up all new avenues for conversation. You could even try achieving one of those goals together as a bonding activity.
- “What’s a skill you wish you had?”
- “What does a perfect day for you look like?”
- “What’s a word you hope people describe you with?”
- “What do you think is your biggest obstacle in life?”
- “What would you give up to achieve your dream job?”
- “If you could only do 1 thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
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Throw out some hypotheticals. Use your imaginations to create unique scenarios for each other. Not only will you get some fun queries, you’ll build your creativity and storytelling muscles by coming up with fun situations to place each other in.
- “If there was a college course on your life, what would be the first lesson?”
- “What dead historical figure would make the scariest ghost?”
- “What do you think hyenas are laughing about?”
- “How long could you eat your favorite food before getting sick of it?”
- “If you could choose, who would you put on the dollar bill and why?”
- “If you were a dog, what dog would you be?”
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Get flirty with some sexy subjects. Titillate each other by asking him something provocative. Are there any turn-ons he has that you don’t know about? Celebrity crushes he can’t help but fawn over? Steering the convo into something a little more sensual will have you both feeling more attractive. Don’t be afraid to dial up the flirtation !
- “What was your sexual awakening like?”
- “Rate French kissing on a scale of 1-10.”
- “What’s your most embarrassing kink?”
- “What’s your favorite place we’ve done the deed?”
- “Have you ever had the hots for a teacher?”
- “What do you think is your sexiest quality?”
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Relate over pop culture. Media is a great topic to ask about. See if you can guess his favorite TV show, the song he plays most often, or what book world he’d escape into. Plus, gossip is always a fun way to bond and talking about celebrities is a way to do it harmlessly.
- “What website do you spend way too much time on?”
- “Which 5 celebrities would be your ideal dinner party?”
- “What’s your favorite workout tune?”
- “If you could go to any music festival, what would it be?”
- “What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?”
- “If you could be a fly on the wall at any famous person’s house, who would it be?”
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Try a game of "would you rather?” Playing “this or that?” is a great way to dive into juicy conversation. It also prevents long, awkward pauses while you think, since the answers are already right in front of you. You can make your “would you rather” questions flirty , gross, or even sweet.
- “Would you rather swim in a pool full of ketchup or grape jelly?”
- “Would you rather lose 4 toes or both pinkies?”
- “Would you rather pee your pants at your wedding or your favorite grandparent’s funeral?”
- “Would you rather meet your soulmate tomorrow or win the lottery next year?”
- “Would you rather be loved or feared?”
- “Would you rather find a worm in every apple you eat or a roach in every bedroom you sleep in?”
- “Would you rather end world hunger or cure cancer?”
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Think positive and ask questions that encourage gratitude. When we ask questions, we tend to focus on what we dislike (“what’s your worst memory/outfit/hangover story?”) or what we can fix (“if you could have any superpower/job/house…”). To remind yourselves how lucky you are, ask questions that focus on all the wonderful parts of the here and now. Keeping a positive regard can help your husband feel supported, especially if he’s going through a rough time.
- “What was the most fun part of your day?”
- “Why is your job better than any other?”
- “Give 4 reasons you’re lucky.”
- “What’s something that made you laugh recently?”
- “What’s something about yourself you find inspirational?”
- “What’s something fun you get to do every day?”
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Ask questions that improve your relationship for the better. Talk about what you like each other and ways you can work on your marriage so it’s the best it can possibly be. Discuss how you can enhance your communication skills and make each other feel more valued.
- “How can we create more adventure in our marriage?”
- “What’s something you’d like to try together as a couple?”
- “Name 1 thing I do that makes you feel more relaxed.”
- “Name 1 thing I do that makes you feel more stressed.”
- “What’s a time I listed really well?”
- “What’s something you’d like me to do less of?”
Expert Q&A
Tips
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about marriage, check out our in-depth interview with Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC .