How to Play an Insecure Scorpio Man at His Own Game & Get Him Back

The ultimate guide to dealing with Scorpio drama & mind games

Co-authored by Aimee Payne, MFA Reviewed by Stina Garbis

Last Updated: May 30, 2024 Fact Checked

Dating a Scorpio man can mean tons of intense, heartfelt chats, passionate rendezvous, and an amazing physical connection. However, it can also mean facing complicated mind games at the hands of this insecure, sometimes controlling sign. Luckily though, it's possible to play a Scorpio man at his own game (and win). We spoke to Astrologer and Psychic Medium Jessica Lanyadoo to help you find out how to hold your own against a Scorpio man. Read on to learn more about dealing with Scorpio drama below!

How to Play a Scorpio Man’s Mind Games to Win

Keep secrets, whether yours or his, to prevent a Scorpio man from getting one up on you or losing his trust.
Scorpio men can tell when you’re lying and may use your lies against you, so always tell him the truth.
Play it cool if he showers you with attention or ghosts you by leaving your texts on read.

1

Keep your secrets safe.

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A Scorpio may try to sneakily steal your secrets. One of the most commonly known Scorpio mind games is used to figure out someone else’s secrets. ^{[1]
X
Research source} This sign may offer you a minor secret, one they’re actually comfortable sharing, and make it sound like a huge deal. Then, they’ll wait for you to open up and share something super deep in return.
- The key here is to keep your lips sealed. You can thank him for his honesty, and if he seems to be waiting for you to reciprocate, just don't.
- By holding onto your secrets, you've played him at his own game.
- Of course, manipulation is never cool. And these games won't be an issue for evolved, secure, confident Scorpios.
- But if it helps, Scorpios feel a connection through the deep, emotional stuff – like secrets. So, you can at least enjoy that he's trying to connect with you!

2

Keep his secrets safe, too.

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He may share classified information to see if you’ll spread it around. Lanyadoo tells us that Scorpio men sometimes plant harmless secrets just to test others' trustworthiness. ^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Jessica Lanyadoo
Astrologer & Psychic Medium

Expert Interview. 12 November 2019.} His favorite thing in the world is a truly loyal friend or partner. So naturally, he plays games to get a sense of who fits into that category and who does not. He'll tell you a secret and then, he’ll wait and watch.
- This is another easy one to deal with. Just don’t tell a soul!
- Try to forget he even mentioned it. You'll have lost his game if you give anything away, even on accident.

3

Tell the truth.

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Insecure Scorpios may use your lies against you. Plus, if you're dishonest, he'll probably figure it out right away. What’s more, he’ll be completely crushed because loyalty is everything to him. ^{[3]
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Research source}
- Scorpio men definitely want honesty, even if it's brutal. If you're tempted to lie because the truth may hurt him, it's not worth it.
- To avoid any vengeful Scorpio games, be truthful with him.

4

Keep your cool if he showers you with praise.

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A Scorpio man might test you to see if praise and attention go to your head. These guys are sometimes genuinely obsessed with their partners at the outset, but other times, it's just another test. To protect his heart, he’ll want to know everything about you before he really lets you in. ^{[4]
X
Research source} So, he'll play up his interest, making you think you hold all the cards, and then he'll see how you react.
- If he seems suspiciously invested right at the beginning, just keep your cool. Definitely avoid bragging about how much he likes you to other people.
- Instead, relax. Lanyadoo suggests that you take the positive attention in stride and try to determine how you feel about him without letting his intensity affect your decision. ^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jessica Lanyadoo
  Astrologer & Psychic Medium
  
  Expert Interview. 12 November 2019.}
- By being super casual, you'll have won his game.

5

If he ghosts, focus on you instead.

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When a Scorpio goes silent, he'll want to see if you obsess over him. An insecure Scorpio may stop calling and texting suddenly, just to see how you react. Sure, he’ll probably pick things back up in the next couple of days (if, in his eyes, you pass his test), but you don’t have to wait by the phone. He doesn’t want to be with someone who’s needy. ^{[6]
X
Research source} He wants to see if you can keep your cool, so do just that.
- When it’s clear that your Scorpio man has gone from one hundred to zero, shift your focus. Worrying about when he’ll call will do you no good, so instead, make the day all about you.
- Finish that house project you’ve been putting off, take yourself on a museum date, or enjoy a nice long walk. By choosing to enjoy the day, you'll prove that you aren’t at his beck and call.
- When he realizes you didn't stress over his silence, you’ll have played this Scorpio man at his own game.

6

If he doesn't text back, send a mature response.

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When a Scorpio ghosts, an honest text could throw him off his game. Another reason Scorpio men may suddenly disappear is just plain, old insecurity. He’s afraid to give you his heart because he doesn't want to get hurt. He'll want proof that you care before he goes further. So, he’s testing you to make sure.
- You can rise to the occasion without stooping to his level. Send a reasonable, honest response to tell him you care without totally losing your cool.
- Try something like, “Hey! I haven’t heard from you in a minute. I just wanted to let you know that I like you and would love to keep doing what we’re doing. But if you don’t respond, I’ll take the hint. Hope to talk soon."
- This way, you've set clear expectations, and you've totally let yourself off the hook. He wanted the ball to be in your court, but because you've been totally honest, it landed back in his.
- You’ve officially played him at his own game.

7

Reject his huge promises.

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To avoid getting hurt, keep your expectations in check. Some Scorpio men are totally enamored with their crushes right from the start, says Lanyadoo. ^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Jessica Lanyadoo
Astrologer & Psychic Medium

Expert Interview. 12 November 2019.} When this happens, they may be impatient with the relationship's pace, wanting to dive right into emotional intensity. So, they'll make super dramatic, heartfelt promises, even if they can't keep them, just to draw their crush in. If you feel like your Scorpio is blowing smoke just to steal your heart, address this issue right then and there.
- Remind him that you like him, and over-the-top-promises aren't necessary, "You know, I already like you. You don’t need to promise me anything super major right from the start!”
- By showing him that you aren't falling for his tricks, you'll keep your heart safe from broken promises, and you'll have him beat. After all, he can't use this mind game to pull you in if you don't let him.

8

Casually confront him.

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Scorpios can't play games with people who already know their tricks. If you get the sense that your Scorpio man is testing you, it never hurts to let him know that you're just as clever as he is. If you're not totally sure and you don't want to risk calling him out for well-meaning behavior, you can find a way to do it subtly. ^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Let's say you suspect he's testing your loyalty by planting a secret and waiting to see if you spill it. You could say, "I feel like you can learn so much about someone by paying attention to how they handle your secrets. Don’t you think so?”

9

Impress him in a debate.

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In arguments, he'll want you to be confident and unemotional. Scorpio men absolutely love a healthy debate. This sign is usually in favor of intense emotions, but in a heated discussion, he'll want to see if you keep your cool instead. You probably won’t be able to convince him he’s wrong (in his mind, he never is!), but you could absolutely enchant him by staying composed and keeping your emotions in check. ^{[9]
X
Research source}
- If he draws you into a debate, don’t be thrown by how collected he'll be. Instead, just enjoy the battle of wits.
- If you show him you can have fun and not lose your temper, you’ll have played him at his own game.

10

Prove your independence.

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Scorpios want to date people who can handle things on their own. Because of this, they may test their partners, asking them to complete a project or handle a task. Yes, ideally, he'd just be honest about his expectations. But that's not a Scorpio's style!
- If your Scorpio guy asks you to do something he could do himself, he may be testing you. If he is, take a moment to decide whether or not you’re comfortable playing his game. ^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
- If you’re happy enough to go along with it, then feel free to blow him away. Handle the project confidently, and the Scorpio in your life will be thrilled.
- If you’re (totally understandably) not interested in jumping through hoops, feel free to just confront it head-on. Try something like, “Wouldn’t you normally do this yourself? You wouldn’t be testing me or something, would you?”
- Scorpios can't play games with anyone who's caught on to their tricks. So either way, you win.

11

Stay calm if you mess up.

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If you break his trust, try being reasonable with him to get forgiven. Scorpios can be pretty intimidating when they’ve got revenge on the mind. These guys will sometimes refuse to forgive – even if they actually really want to. They're super afraid of getting hurt, and when they do, they may be too prideful to accept your mistake. Overcome this by staying calm, being mature , and appealing to reason. ^{[11]
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Research source}
- Apologize, tell him he's important to you, and remind him that though you'll work to be forgiven, you'll accept his choice either way. Finally, you can mention that you hope he won't let his pride keep him from a special relationship.
- Yes, Scorpios may withhold forgiveness as a mind game. But at the end of the day, this is a super logical sign.
- They may give in if you meet them with reason. And with that, you'll have won.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I become friends with a Scorpio?

Jessica Lanyadoo
Astrologer & Psychic Medium
Jessica Lanyadoo is a Humanistic Astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator with over 30 years of professional experience. Known for her grounded and accessible approach, she helps individuals cultivate emotional intelligence and navigate life with clarity. She is the author of Meditations for Your Sign (2025) and Astrology for Real Relationships (2020) and hosts the acclaimed podcast Ghost of a Podcast. Her work has been featured in CNN, The Today Show, Rolling Stone, Vogue Italia, Time Magazine, Oprah Magazine, and more.

Jessica Lanyadoo

Astrologer & Psychic Medium

Expert Answer

Scorpios can be a little suspicious in terms of friendship. They do not trust easily. So if you want to be friends with a Scorpio, the way to do it is by showing up and being there. Once you secure the trust and friendship of a Scorpio, you have a friend for life. They are very loyal.

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Question

What should I keep in mind while dating a Scorpio?

Jessica Lanyadoo
Astrologer & Psychic Medium
Jessica Lanyadoo is a Humanistic Astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator with over 30 years of professional experience. Known for her grounded and accessible approach, she helps individuals cultivate emotional intelligence and navigate life with clarity. She is the author of Meditations for Your Sign (2025) and Astrology for Real Relationships (2020) and hosts the acclaimed podcast Ghost of a Podcast. Her work has been featured in CNN, The Today Show, Rolling Stone, Vogue Italia, Time Magazine, Oprah Magazine, and more.

Jessica Lanyadoo

Astrologer & Psychic Medium

Expert Answer

Scorpio people are very emotional and can get very attached quite easily. When you are dating a Scorpio person, be attentive to what they are saying and not saying. Also, observe their body language.

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How to Play an Insecure Scorpio Man at His Own Game & Get Him Back

How to Play a Scorpio Man’s Mind Games to Win

Steps

Keep your secrets safe.

Keep his secrets safe, too.

Tell the truth.

Keep your cool if he showers you with praise.

If he ghosts, focus on you instead.

If he doesn't text back, send a mature response.

Reject his huge promises.

Casually confront him.

Impress him in a debate.

Prove your independence.

Stay calm if you mess up.

Expert Q&A

Video

Tips

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