One liner jokes/puns: Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. Spoiler alert! The milk is bad. I entered what I ate today into my fitness app, and it sent an ambulance to my house. A little kids asks his father how much marriage costs. His father replies, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.” I saw a sign that said “Watch for Kids.” I thought, Now that sounds like a fair trade. Dyslexic man walks into a bra. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. Anecdotal jokes: I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went to Israel for a holiday. While there his mother-in-law passed. The coroner said he could have her body shipped home for $5000, or bury her there for $150. After a moment of thinking it over, the man said, “I’ll have her body shipped.” The coroner asked why, since it was so costly compared to a nice burial in the Holy Land. The man replied: “2000 years ago a man died and was buried here. 3 days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.” Punchline jokes: “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land” (Jon Stewart) Why did the invisible man not have a job yet? Because he couldn’t see himself doing it. I ended a long-term relationship today. I’m not bothered — it wasn’t mine. Why did Peter Pan never succeed as a stand-up comedian? Because his jokes Neverland. What is one of the benefits of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus! Short story joke: A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen," he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down, because you know you'll forget it." He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -- I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says... "Where's my toast? http://www.inspire21.com/stories/humorstories/Oldtimers