How to Be a Friendly Person (With Expert Advice)

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Tips on how to be more social & have better interactions with people
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Friendly people are always excited to meet new folks and appear approachable to friends and acquaintances. They are the kind of people who can just start chatting to a person on an airplane, in line at the grocery store, or when they're stuck on the bus. Sound hard? It doesn't have to be! Being friendly is all about making people feel comfortable in your orbit. Keep reading for tips and tricks on how to be your friendliest and finest, with expert insights from image consultant Sheila A. Anderson and life coach Cyndy Etler.

How to Be Friendly

Make yourself more approachable by smiling and having open body language. Practice small talk, including complimenting others and asking them questions about themselves. Make an effort to talk to everyone, accept more invitations, and include new people in your social circle. Always lead with positivity.

Section 1 of 4:

Being Approachable

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  1. You don't have to give every person you see a huge grin to be friendlier. However, smiling will make you look like a much more approachable, friendly person whether you're smiling at people you know, complete strangers, or acquaintances. Remember when you passed that guy you met that one time, and he looked in the other direction and pretended you didn't exist? How did that make you feel? If you want people to feel good about talking to you, try smiling more at them.
    • You can also make a goal of smiling more during conversation.
    • Practice smiling every day, even when you’re by yourself. The act of smiling—even when you’re making yourself smile instead of doing it naturally—causes your brain to release feel-good chemicals and lifts your mood. [1]
  2. This is something you should work on, whether you're just saying hi to a person who is walking by or talking to someone face-to-face. You don't have to stare into a person's eyes 100% of the time to be friendly, but work on making as much eye contact as possible when you're listening to people, so that they feel like you care about what they're saying. When it's your turn to talk, you can look around a bit more.
    • If you're walking down a hallway and it's just you and another person, look that person in the eyes and say hello. It may feel awkward at first, but you'll get used to it quickly!
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  3. If you want people to feel like you're approachable and open to talking to them, it helps to use open body language . Anderson says, “Smiling, making direct eye contact, leaning in towards others as you talk to them, and using expressive hand gestures” are all great examples of open body language. [2] Here are other things that you can do to make people want to talk to you more:
    • Keep your legs together instead of crossed
    • Have good posture instead of slouching
    • Keep your arms at your sides instead of crossing them
  4. Another way to be friendlier is to notice everything that's going on around you instead of trying to beat the new level of Candy Crush on your iPhone. If you're tapping away at your phone, burying your nose in a book, staring at your computer, or even just picking at your fingernails, then people may think you have better things to do than to talk to them. Instead, look ahead, smile, and be ready for what the world has to offer you.
    • Tapping away at your cell phone can come off as quite rude, especially when you're actively engaging in conversation with people.
  5. You don't have to laugh at everything a person says (since that can make you seem fake), but make an effort to laugh more, especially when people are trying to be funny, or when you sense they need a boost of support and confidence. Laughing more will give your conversations more of a positive vibe, but the people around you will see you as a friendlier person.
    • Laughing and smiling more? Now that's a potent combo.
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Section 2 of 4:

Mastering Friendly Conversation

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  1. Knowing how to make small talk will go a long way in making you friendlier. All you have to do is make the person feel comfortable, find some common ground, and reveal a little bit about yourself. If you get more comfortable, then you can start digging deeper and discuss more personal issues.
    • Some people think that small talk is completely superficial, but it's not. All good friendships and relationships start out with a bit of small talk. You can't just jump in and talk to a new person about the meaning of life!
    • Just like any skill, small talk takes practice. Make an effort to practice small talk as often as possible throughout your day. You might start by asking a question (“Have you read this book? Is it any good?”) or commenting on something in your environment (“Wow, the flowers are really blooming! I’m so glad it’s finally spring.”)
    • You can even practice making small talk with a checkout person. Comment on the weather, say something about the guacamole you're buying, or compliment their jewelry.
  2. Asking questions shows others that you really care about who they are, what they think, and what they do. Anderson says, “Learn to put the focus of the conversation on others. Have a list of interesting questions you can ask that help you get to know the person on a deeper level, versus general small talk about the weather.” [3] Questions could include, “What are you most excited about now in your life or business?” Or, “What do you like most about the business or field you are in?” Here are some other great topics to try:
    • Pets
    • Favorite sports teams
    • Favorite hobbies
    • Favorite bands, books, or movies
    • Favorite food, drink
    • Siblings
    • Weekend trips
    • What they’re trying to achieve in life
    • Favorite vacations or where they would like to travel to
  3. Complimenting people —when you mean it—will make you a much friendlier person. Just a small compliment given at the right time will make people think, "They’re really nice!" and make them feel comfortable and happy to be in your presence. Etler recommends complimenting people on something they’ve chosen to represent themselves, instead of something superficial like their eye color: “Everybody wants to feel seen and included. When you compliment something they chose, you're giving them a hit of happy brain chemicals and connection, and they suddenly have a reason to like you.” [4]
    • You don't have to compliment anything too serious, especially at first. It's fine to just say something nice about the person's jewelry, outfit, haircut, or sense of humor.
  4. This is a simple yet effective trick to making people like you more and to seem friendlier. If you use people's names, you show them that you care about them and that you can really distinguish them as individuals. You don't have to overdo it to get the point across. Just saying, "Hi, Ellen!" when you greet the person, or saying, "You're completely right about that, Ashley," in the course of a conversation will make you seem like a friendlier person.
    • If a person you've just met tells you their name, using it once or twice throughout your conversation will make you remember it for next time.
  5. When you are talking to people, try to stick to the uplifting stuff. Instead of complaining about work or school, talking about something bad that happened to you, or just generally being negative, mention something awesome that happened to you that week, something you're looking forward to, or even something funny you saw on TV. Talking about more positive topics will make you seem friendlier in everyday conversation because you'll seem like a fun, upbeat person that other people want to talk to.
    • Anderson advises that you “fill your vocabulary with uplifting words.” She adds, “Talking to others in a positive and uplifting manner builds rapport.” [5]
    • Sure, if something bad happens or you need to vent a little, go for it. But try to say at least 3 positive things for every 1 negative thing.
    • Generally, try to avoid controversial topics, like religion or politics, since they can be divisive.
  6. Part of being friendly is making yourself a little bit vulnerable and sharing something about yourself with others. You don't have to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. Mentioning something slightly embarrassing, goofy, or just offbeat will show others that you don't take yourself too seriously and that you're comfortable talking to other people. Anderson says, “Don’t be perfect. Being perfect is not relatable. We all make mistakes or mess up once in a while. When you do so, how you handle yourself makes you more human and relatable.” [6] 
Here are some things you can open up about:
    • Childhood pets
    • Wacky vacations
    • A prank you played on your sibling
    • A funny mistake you made
    • Something you've always wanted to do
    • Your experience doing something offbeat for the first time
    • A story about your family
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Section 3 of 4:

Expanding Your Social Circle

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  1. 1
    Make an effort to talk to new people. Introduce yourself to people you don't know. If you're in a group of friends and a new person who other people know comes on the scene, take the initiative. Start making conversation with strangers sitting next to you on the plane, people at parties, or friends of friends that you run into. When approaching a new group of people, for example, Etler says, “Keep your ears peeled for something in the conversation where you can chime in and say, ‘Sorry, are you guys talking about [x]?’ “You're suddenly in the conversation.” [7] [Image:Be Friendly Step 13 Version 3.jpg|center]]
    • Try to read the situation to make sure the person actually wants to talk to someone.
    • You don't have to talk to every new person who comes your way, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll feel.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 185 wikiHow readers, and 51% agreed that the best way to start a conversation when introducing yourself to someone at a party is to compliment something they are wearing . [Take Poll]
  2. Start small by inviting a group of people to a movie, a free concert, or to grab coffee or ice cream sometime, and see how much friendlier you feel after they accept your invitation. Make a goal of inviting people to do more things with you at least once a week, and you'll be living a friendlier life. [8]
    • Get brave. Invite acquaintances to hang out one-on-one and turn your acquaintance into a real friendship.
    • Throw a party. Invite an eclectic crowd of people and have fun introducing them to each other.
  3. You may be afraid of hanging out with people you don't know that well, or you may be too busy. Maybe you just prefer to hang out with yourself, a bowl of Cherry Garcia ice cream, and Snookums, your pet ferret. But you have to get over that if you want to be friendly. Start accepting people's invitations to go to the movies, dinner, or to a party.
    • You don't have to say yes to something that sounds completely horrible. But the next time you really want to say no, ask yourself what is behind your impulse. Are you afraid of something new? Socially anxious? Or just feeling lazy? These aren't the greatest reasons to miss out on a good time.
  4. Spending more time around other people will make you a more socially aware and sensitive person who is used to talking to other people. Try to fill your calendar with parties, social engagements, group hiking, biking, swimming trips, and other fun, friend-filled outings if you want to be friendlier more regularly.
    • To have a bustling social life, you have to make your social life a priority. Don't let work, school, or other commitments get in your way—not too much, at least.
    • It's important to have a busy social life, but you should also save some time for yourself. You'll need to decompress, especially if you're not used to spending so much time around other people.
  5. This may be a tough pill to swallow. You don't have to become BFFs with your greatest enemy to work on being friendlier to people in your orbit. You'll be surprised by how good you'll feel about being nicer to someone instead of giving them the cold shoulder, and that person may surprise you with friendliness in return.
    • Find ways to be nice to these people—even if you feel they don't deserve it. Forgiveness is a key quality to being friendlier, and holding grudges can make you angry on the inside.
  6. Part of the reason that you may not be the friendliest person in the world might be that you're lacking confidence and think that people will judge you any time you open your mouth. Ask yourself what lies behind your distrust towards others and see if it has to do more with what you think of yourself. If that's the case, then work on loving the person you are , loving what you do, and addressing your flaws.
    • Of course, overcoming your insecurities doesn't happen overnight, but it's an important step.
    • If your anxiety about social situations is interfering with your daily life, you might benefit from talking to a counselor or other mental health professional.
  7. "Age and stage" refers not only to the age of a person, but to the stage of life that person is in. A stage of life could be being a college student, being a young professional, being a middle-aged mother, or being a retired person. Finding people who are around your age and your stage will give you more things to talk about.
    • For example, if you're a young mother, join a young mothers group and you'll be on the way to making some amazing new friends.
  8. A truly friendly person typically has tons of empathy for other people, actually cares about them, and wants to make them feel comfortable. They don’t just talk to people just to look cooler or to have more Facebook friends. If you really want to be friendly, then you have to remember this whenever you talk to people. If you actually care about them, they'll be able to tell. [9]
    • Of course, you can't possibly take an interest in everyone in your orbit! But the more you try, the more natural it will feel.
  9. It’s easier to be friendly when you spend time with friendly people. Not only will they model the kinds of behaviors that you want to emulate, but you may find that their positive energy and friendly attitudes are contagious! When you are around friendly people, others will feel better about approaching you.
    • Being involved with unfriendly, intimidating or rude people makes others wary about approaching or talking to you. They may fear being confronted by those people, or they may simply assume that you are the same as them because you just hang out with them.
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Section 4 of 4:

Final Thoughts

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  1. True friendliness springs from confidence and kindness. If you’re wondering how to be more friendly, the answer can be found in the word itself: friend. If you want to be friendly, be a friend to others, which typically involves expressing kindness and empathy. Leading with confidence can also help as people tend to gravitate toward charisma and assertiveness. Be nice and polite to everyone you meet, stop to help those in need if you can, and continue doing the inner work to become the best person you can. Your current and future friends will certainly benefit!

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I be more easygoing?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    Look for some areas in your life where you can soften and become a little bit more present. If you're always worrying about every little thing that could possibly go wrong in the future and it's keeping you out of the present, that could be making it harder to be easygoing.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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    Not Helpful 5 Helpful 16
  • Question
    How can I become a friendly person when everyone knows me as a silent, sometimes negative person?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Some people will not care for you no matter what you do, but true friends will stick around. Also, try to engage with strangers first to hone your skills and possibly expand your social circle.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 11 Helpful 58
  • Question
    I love a girl who happens to be very intelligent. I'm usually unsure of how to start conversation with her and keep it going. Being spontaneous has been a challenge. How can I get through this?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Learn to relax and avoid putting her on a pedestal. Just speak your mind and you should be fine. You can try "Slow Talk" as well. Just practice slowing your speech down by about 1/3rd the normal pace. It will help you feel more calm. Try reading a book out loud 1/3rd slower than usual for practice.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201206/there-s-magic-in-your-smile
      2. ↑ Sheila A. Anderson. Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ Sheila A. Anderson. Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ Sheila A. Anderson. Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon. Expert Interview
      6. ↑ Sheila A. Anderson. Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon. Expert Interview
      7. ↑ Cyndy Etler. Teen Life Coach. Expert Interview
      8. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/friendly
      9. ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/how-to-be-more-friendly/

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