10 Signs You Are Stubborn (Experts Weigh In)

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Learn how to tell if stubbornness is holding you back—and what to do
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Being stubborn can be a good thing if you’re sticking to your principles or standing up for yourself. But if you’re just being hardheaded, it can drive people away. Wondering which one you might be? The good news is that there are ways to tell if you’re stubborn—or just opinionated. Keep reading to learn what the traits of a stubborn person are and how to be less hardheaded, with insight and advice from psychology experts.

Traits of a Stubborn Person

  • You refuse to admit when you’re wrong.
  • Multiple people have told you that you’re stubborn.
  • Your relationships are falling apart because of your bad attitude.
  • You enjoy arguing for the sake of it.
  • You aren’t open to other people's ideas and refuse to be persuaded.
  • You don’t believe in apologizing for anything.
Section 1 of 3:

Signs You Might Be Stubborn

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  1. Even when you’re presented with the facts, you stick to your beliefs. This may be one of the biggest signs. There’s actually nothing inherently wrong about being presented with facts or explanations that prove your point wrong, but if you feel like you can’t accept being wrong, you’re being stubborn. Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Ashley Smith, PhD, shares her belief that “stubbornness can sometimes be a strength” because it means that you “have the courage to go against the grain.” However, she adds that it can “definitely be a weakness.” [1]
    • If you thought that a store closes at 10 p.m., but someone checks and confirms that it actually closes at 9 p.m. and you don’t believe them or make up an excuse that they must have changed their hours, then you’re stubbornly refusing to be proven wrong. [2]
    • Refusing to admit when you’re wrong can seriously impact your relationships. It’s not a positive quality to have.
  2. Chances are others have noticed. Listen to what your friends and family (and maybe even coworkers) tell you. If they say that you’re stubborn, they may be speaking the truth. Don’t brush them off, especially if multiple people are saying the same thing. Take it as a sign that you could be being stubborn. [3]
    • Sometimes, being stubborn can be a good thing. If people say that you stubbornly refuse to do something you think is wrong, then it just means you stick to your values.
    • If a bunch of your friends are telling you that you’re being hardheaded or difficult, they may be trying to help you.
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  3. Stubbornness can sabotage your life. If your friends seem to stop wanting to hang out with you or your coworkers or bosses aren’t thrilled or willing to work with you, or your spouse is becoming distant, it could be because your stubborn attitude is making it difficult for them to be around you. Smith explains, “We get stuck on needing to be right or not wanting to admit we made a mistake, and that's where stubbornness comes in. It actually gets in the way and keeps us from being able to do the things that we want to do because we’re kind of getting stuck.” [4]
    • There’s a difference between being assertive and being stubborn. If you’re assertive but willing to listen to other people in your life, it won’t drive them away. Stubbornness can make it difficult for people to be around you.
    • Smith adds that breaking free of a stubborn mindset is really about recognizing whether something is working for you or not. She encourages that you ask yourself, “Is this actually working for me?” Then, she adds, it becomes a “question of willingness”: Are you willing to let this go so that you can pursue what really matters? [5]
  4. If you feel like you always have to be right, it could be a sign of stubbornness. Standing up for yourself or trying to prove a point in an argument isn’t inherently wrong or always a sign of stubbornness. But if you feel an almost insatiable need to be right no matter what, and if you just love starting arguments with other people for really no reason, it’s a clear sign that you’re stubborn. [6]
    • For instance, if you find yourself bringing up heavy discussion topics like politics or religion unprompted or just so you can start an argument, you may be a stubborn person looking to pick a fight.
    • Perseverance can turn to negative stubbornness when you’re arguing just for the sake of arguing rather than because you believe in something.
  5. Fear of the unknown can make you stick to your ideas. If someone brings up something new or asks you to consider a new idea and you’re unwilling to even consider it, it’s a pretty big indicator that you’re being stubborn. Ignoring or refusing to be open to something new could stem from a fear of uncertainty, which is a hallmark of a stubborn person. [7]
    • For example, if you’re trying to pick out a place to eat with a friend, and they suggest a new sushi restaurant, but you’re completely unwilling to even hear them out because you don’t want to try a new place, you may be being stubborn about it.
    • It’s normal and natural to be a little worried about change, but if you aren’t open to any new ideas, you can’t learn new things!
  6. It’s stubborn to brush people off. If someone presents a different point of view or an idea that may be counter to an idea that you have, it really shouldn’t be a big deal. You don’t always have to accept other people’s ideas, but you should be open to hearing them out. If you aren’t, you may just be being stubborn about it. [8]
    • For instance, if someone talks about how cycling is a great form of fitness, but you refuse to discuss or see the benefits of it, you might just be stubbornly sticking to your own ideas about fitness.
  7. A strong emotional response to new ideas is a major sign. A person who isn’t stubborn will hear out someone trying to explain an idea or give their perspective about something. If you find yourself getting angry, frustrated, or really impatient, it might be your stubbornness causing an emotional response. [9]
    • You don’t always have to accept what someone says, but if you get emotionally upset when another person tries to explain their perspective to you, it’s unreasonable and stubborn.
    • For example, if someone tries to explain that they believe that time-outs or spanking aren’t effective ways to discipline children, but you get angry at the idea, you may be stubbornly clinging to your own beliefs.
  8. Even when you’re proven wrong, you refuse to accept it. The right thing to do whenever you’re wrong is to apologize for your mistake and move on. A stubborn person refuses to say they’re sorry, even if they know they’re wrong. Licensed mental health counselor Laura Richer reports that stubbornness is typically rooted in “an underlying fear or concern.” She advises that you express curiosity about stubborn behavior if it continues to repeat itself, and really investigate the cause in order to resolve whatever the issue might be. [10]
    • It can be over trivial things, too. If you’re arguing with someone about whether or not an actor was in a certain movie, and it turns out you were wrong, you should be willing to admit your mistake and apologize. If you aren’t, then you’re being stubborn. [11]
  9. A halfhearted commitment can stem from your stubbornness. Just because you don’t outright refuse to do something that someone asks you to do doesn’t mean you’re not stubborn. If you tell them that you’ll do it, but in your head, you know you won’t, then you’re actually being stubborn about it, even if it seems nicer. [12]
    • For instance, if a coworker asks you to fill out a report a certain way, and you say, “Sure thing!” but you really know you won’t do it that way, then you’re being stubborn!
  10. This is a classic sign of a stubborn person. It’s normal and healthy to at least consider other people’s wants and needs. If you always want to get your way, no matter what other people want, then you may have a stubborn personality. Licensed clinical psychologist Rebecca Kason, PsyD, suggests categorizing needs by importance to minimize stubborn thoughts and behaviors. [13]
    • Kason instructs that you “categorize your wants and needs in your mind as small, medium, and large.” She explains that, “Small would be something that truly won’t affect you if you were flexible. Medium would affect you for a day or so, but it’s something you can move on from. And large is something that goes against your values or beliefs.” [14]
    • Establishing these mental compartments can help you practice flexibility because you can bargain with yourself and figure out what you can allow and not allow.
    • If you’re hanging out with some friends and some people want to watch a movie, others want to go to the park, but you want to watch your favorite show, if you aren’t willing to find some sort of compromise or at least hear other people out, you’re being stubborn. [15]
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Section 2 of 3:

Is it bad to be stubborn?

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  1. Being stubborn is not necessarily good or bad. Stubbornness can be used synonymously with perseverance, conviction, and self-advocacy, which are good qualities to possess. Resilience, the ability to set boundaries , and the pursuit of self-improvement are other admirable traits related to stubbornness. However, if stubbornness manifests itself as inflexibility, hostility, or selfishness, it can pose issues in relationships and in everyday life.
    • Being reluctant to learn and grow is one negative aspect of stubbornness, as is difficulty with making compromises and narrow-mindedness. Often, stubbornness is rooted in insecurity and the fear of instability, likely to have originated in a chaotic childhood. [16]
Section 3 of 3:

How to Be Less Stubborn

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  1. 1
    Figure out the root cause of your stubbornness. Some causes of stubbornness include a need for perfectionism, fear of change, and mounting anxieties about the future. Addressing the root cause of your stubbornness can help you overcome it . Some stubbornness can be for self-preservation purposes, to protect ourselves from things out of our control. Identifying where your stubbornness comes from can help you deal with your current triggers.
    • For example, if you feel like your stubbornness escalates to a conflict if your partner interrupts you while you’re talking, then you now know to ask that they allow you the time to express yourself without interruption.
  2. 2
    Be open to what other people tell you. If several people in your life complain about your stubborn behavior, they may be on to something. Try to open your mind to the feedback, observations, and—yes!—even to the criticisms of others. Of course, focus your attention on the opinions of those you trust and respect, like close friends and family. More likely than not, they’re simply trying to make you aware of areas you can improve in with the best intentions in mind. [17]
    • If only one person is calling you “stubborn,” it’s worth evaluating how much stock you put in their opinion. Are they, perhaps, the stubborn one? Or do they react poorly when you attempt to assert boundaries with them? If so, their insistence that you’re “stubborn” may be projection.
  3. 3
    Pinpoint when your stubbornness is leading to self-sabotage. While being stubborn isn’t inherently bad, it can certainly have negative consequences. If your stubbornness is causing your spouse to distance themselves from you, your co-workers to complain about being on a team with you, or your health to suffer, these may be clues that your stubbornness is hurting you.
    • There are a few ways to turn this sabotage into success, including opening up the lines of communication to truly understand other people’s perspectives and needs, working on your listening skills, and taking a pause from conflict when necessary. [18]
    • Journaling or working with a therapist can help you address and change damaging behaviors.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Can stubborn be positive?
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Ashley Smith is a licensed psychologist, co-founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength, speaker, and author of The Way I See It: A Psychologist’s Guide to a Happier Life. She is a sought-after anxiety expert and outspoken advocate dedicated to changing the way we approach mental health and wellbeing. Dr. Ashley is also open about learning to thrive with a rare visual impairment. The combination of her professional expertise and personal experiences put her in a unique position to educate and inspire. She is passionate about helping others live bold, happy lives while performing at their peak.
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Definitely! Stubbornness can be a strength in some cases, since you're willing to be courageous and go against the grain.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 4 Helpful 11
  • Question
    Is it bad being stubborn?
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Ashley Smith is a licensed psychologist, co-founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength, speaker, and author of The Way I See It: A Psychologist’s Guide to a Happier Life. She is a sought-after anxiety expert and outspoken advocate dedicated to changing the way we approach mental health and wellbeing. Dr. Ashley is also open about learning to thrive with a rare visual impairment. The combination of her professional expertise and personal experiences put her in a unique position to educate and inspire. She is passionate about helping others live bold, happy lives while performing at their peak.
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    It really depends on the situation. Stubbornness can definitely be a weakness when you're not willing to budge from your position or admit your mistakes.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      References

      1. ↑ Ashley Smith, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
      2. ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/05/signs-that-youre-being-too-stubborn
      3. ↑ https://vocal.media/psyche/10-signs-you-re-dealing-with-a-pathologically-stubborn-person
      4. ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/12756/how-to-deal-with-a-stubborn-partner/
      5. ↑ Ashley Smith, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
      6. ↑ https://www.powerofpositivity.com/stubborn-person-traits-according-psychology/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/play-your-way-sane/202001/stop-being-so-stubborn-and-stuck
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/play-your-way-sane/202001/stop-being-so-stubborn-and-stuck
      9. ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/05/signs-that-youre-being-too-stubborn
      1. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
      2. ↑ https://vocal.media/psyche/10-signs-you-re-dealing-with-a-pathologically-stubborn-person
      3. ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/05/signs-that-youre-being-too-stubborn
      4. ↑ Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
      5. ↑ Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
      6. ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/05/signs-that-youre-being-too-stubborn
      7. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/turning-bad-mad-and-stubborn-into-positive-personality-traits/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202109/are-you-stubborn-try-these-5-tips
      9. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/being-stubborn-in-a-relationship/

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