Download Article
Download Article
It's hard enough to learn how to be a good boyfriend at any age, but it's even harder to be a good boyfriend as a teen because it's likely that you and your partner don't have much dating experience. Still, if you learn to communicate and stay attentive and affectionate, you'll be on your way to being a great boyfriend as a teen in no time at all.
Steps
-
Don't try to be someone you aren't. It's tempting to change things about yourself to be more appealing to someone else, but it will only end in heartbreak. You deserve someone who likes you for who you are, and they deserve to know the real you.
- If you're already dating that, that means they like you! You don't need to be a "perfect" guy to be a good boyfriend. There's no such thing as perfection!
-
Keep up with your own interests, even if they don't like them. It's normal for you to like different things. Although it's great to share things in common, both you and them will likely have separate interests. Set aside time to do what you care about, and encourage them to do the same. This will make your relationship happier in the long run. [1] X Research source
- For example, you might enjoy watching sports, while they don't. You can enjoy your favorite game with friends while they do something else. Similarly, they might like going to live concerts, while you find them too noisy. They could enjoy regular concert outings with friends instead of with you.
Advertisement -
Let them see your emotional side. Don't be afraid to show them your emotions, even if you feel embarrassed. It's important for you to be real around them so that you can have an honest relationship. This will show them that you feel comfortable around them and trust them. Let them comfort you in your times of need! [2] X Research source
- For example, it's okay to cry when you're upset or talk to them about how stressed you are.
-
Don't try too hard to impress them. You might think that showing off at school, scoring a major win, or giving them nice presents is the only way to win their heart, but that's not true. A person who is with you for the right reasons won't need flashy reasons to be your partner. It's okay to do nice things for them, but don't go overboard.
- For example, it's okay to bring them flowers before a date, but don't bring them flowers every day.
- Similarly, it's normal to show off a trophy you won, but don't try to win a trophy just to impress them.
-
Wear clothes that make you feel your best. Being a good boyfriend often includes tending to your appearance, but stay true to who you are. Choose clothing that you like and that fits your interests, rather than what you think your partner wants you to wear. [3] X Research source
- You don't have to look like a teenage pop star to show your partner that you care about how you look when you're around them. Just shower regularly, shave if that's what you normally do, and wear flattering, well-fitting, and unwrinkled clothes.
- If you look sloppy around them, they'll think they're not important to you.
- It's important to look nice, especially before you pick them up on a date. Show them that they're worth the effort it takes to look nice.
-
Be a gentleman. Though it may be hard to be a gentleman when you're a teenager, you should try to treat your partner with respect as much as you can. Part of being a gentleman means being attentive to your partners's needs, from opening the door for them or their friends to hanging up their coat if they come over.
- If you pick them up, open the car door for them.
- Let them walk into a room first, before you.
- If they look cold, offer them your coat.
- If you take them out to dinner, pull out their chair for them to sit down.
- Reader Poll: We asked 585 wikiHow readers, and only 7% of them said the best way to make your partner feel more respected is being on time. Instead, making gentlemanly gestures and listening to them might be better ways to make them feel respected. [Take Poll]
Advertisement
-
Maintain eye contact while they're talking to you. Eye contact shows them that you are listening to them. If you look away, they may think that you are disinterested and don't care about what they have to say. This is an easy way to show them you care! [4] X Research source
- You should also nod along while they're talking to you to show you're listening.
-
Don't take what they say personally, especially if it's not about you. When they are venting about something -- whether it's about their life or about your relationship -- don't turn it into something about you. They're just telling you their feelings. Don't try to read something into it that isn't there.
- If their feelings trigger something in you, save it for an appropriate time. Wait for a good time to share your feelings, such as after they're calmed down.
-
Be honest. If you want to be a good boyfriend as a teen, then you have to learn to be honest with your partner. This doesn't mean that you have to tell them every thought that runs through your head, but it does mean that you should be able to tell them if you're in a bad mood, if you're upset because you did poorly on the math test, or that you wish they wouldn't call you every five minutes. [5] X Research source
- Part of honesty is tact. If you have to be honest about something you wish they did or didn't do, tell them in a kind and sympathetic way so they don't get mad at you.
- Don't pretend that you never had another partner if you did. You don't have to go into all the details with your partner, but you shouldn't lie about your past.
- You don't have to tell your partner everything -- for example, if you think the girl in your gym class is cute, you can just keep that to yourself.
- If they find out that you've been dishonest, that will break their trust very quickly.
-
Compromise . Part of growing up and being a good boyfriend, as well as being a good son and friend, is learning that you can't always get what you want. You may want to see the new Bond movie with your friends, but they may really want to have a date night -- you have to learn how to pick your battles and how to make sure that both people in the relationship are happy. [6] X Research source
- Remember that it's better to be happy than right. If you think your partner really wants something while you just kind of want it, let them get their way.
- Be mature. If you and your partner are arguing about something, sit down and make a list of all the pros and cons of each decision. That can help you both get perspective on the situation.
- Make sure that both people are compromising. It's not a real compromise if you always end up getting your way, or if your partner always ends up getting what they want.
- Learn to take turns. Maybe you can pick the dinner place tonight, but they can pick the movie tomorrow.
-
Say you're sorry. Part of being a master communicator is learning to say you're sorry if you made a mistake. You may think that admitting you're wrong will only make you look worse, but quite the contrary is true. If you acknowledge that you've made a mistake and even apologize by giving them flowers or a sweet note, they'll like you much more than if you ignore the fact that you did something wrong and hope they'll get over it. [7] X Research source
- It's not easy to say you're sorry -- it can be very humiliating or embarrassing. But if you get into the habit of apologizing when you've done something wrong, it will feel much more natural.
- When you say you're sorry, you should sound like you mean it. Sit down, look into your partner's eyes, and even take their hands if you need to. This will show them that you're making time to apologize. If you just mutter the word "Sorry" as you pass by, or apologize in a text message, they won't take you seriously.
-
Don't fight without reason. It's important to have disagreements from time to time and to work together to find a solution to the problem, but constantly fighting for no reason and with little provocation is a quick way to ruin your relationship. Teenage couples are prone to fighting a lot because they don't have a lot of experience compromising or having serious discussions with people they're romantically involved with, and this does take practice.
- Whenever you find yourself raising your voice or even shouting, just calm down and take a few deep breaths. You won't resolve anything if you're feeling emotional or heated.
- If you think your partner is starting a lot of fights, communicate about why this is happening and how it can be changed.
- If you're kind of annoyed about something minor and have the urge to pick a fight, ask yourself if it's really worth it.
- Don't let your anger build up -- if you're really mad about something, it's better to communicate about it than to avoid the topic and wait for weeks until so much anger has built up that you feel like fighting.
Advertisement
-
Understand their moods. Teenage girls, especially, can be prone to mood swings because of their cycling hormones, and because of the natural confusion that comes with growing up. If you want to be a good boyfriend, then you have to be attentive to their moods and to understand when they're feeling happy or when they're annoyed or even upset. They may be trying to hide their moods, but as you get to know them better, you should understand how they're really feeling.
- If they're clearly upset about something, you can ask them to open up about why. If they don't want to talk about it, don't push it or keep asking about it, or they'll feel much worse.
- If they're sad, give them some love and affection. Ask if they want to stay in instead of going out, or how they feel like dealing with their mood. They may want to be left alone, or they may just want to snuggle with you.
- Don't say, "I can tell you're in a bad mood." Instead, say, "Is something wrong? I'm worried that you're upset. Talk to me." If you accuse them of being in a bad mood, they may get annoyed and defensive.
-
Do them favors. If you really want to be a good boyfriend, then you should be attentive to their needs. Maybe they're really busy during lunch because they have to cram for their Spanish exam -- offer to buy them lunch in the lunch line while they study. If they stay home sick, offer to pick up their homework from their teachers. [8] X Research source
- If they need a ride somewhere, offer to give them one if you can drive.
- If they need help, they may not admit it right away, so be attentive and see if there's anything you can do.
- Make sure there's a give-and-take balance. If you do favors for them, they should help you out, too. If it's a one-way street, then they may be taking advantage of you.
-
Be supportive. You should recognize that your partner is their own person and that you should support them as they try to reach their goals as well as when they deal with any conflict in their life. Here are some ways to be supportive: [9] X Research source
- If you know they have a big test coming up, then you should either give them space to study or help them if you can.
- If they're really passionate about soccer, tennis, or some other school sport, then you should cheer them on the sidelines during their big games.
- If they're going through some trouble at home, make sure to be extra attentive and to ask if there's anything you can do. And if they don't want to talk about it, they don't want to talk about it.
- Ask about their interests. If you know they're passionate about painting or playing the violin, support them by letting them talk about these interests and sharing how much they mean to them.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Young couples should embrace growth, together. Being young often means facing a lot of unknowns. As you both mature and learn more about yourselves, your dreams and goals may evolve or create friction. Stay open to the idea that your plans may change, and be flexible as you navigate life's twists and turns together.
-
Pay attention to their friends. It's very important to be attentive to your partner, and it's also key to pay attention to their friends. Friends can make or break teenage relationships, and if their friends love you, they'll tell them how lucky they are to have found an amazing guy like you. But if they don't like you because you're rude or ignore them, they'll tell them that you're a jerk and may even convince them that they can do better and that they should break up with you ASAP.
- Be friendly to their friends. Say hi, even if your partner isn't around, and ask them how they're doing. You can even talk to them about their interests and get to know them a bit. [10] X Research source
- Don't ignore them. If you approach your partner when they're with a group of friends, make sure to greet them when you do.
- Don't tell your partner that you don't like their friends. Even if they're a little annoying, they mean a lot to them, and if you admit this, you'll be making a rift in your relationship.
-
Don't ignore them in front of your friends. This is an important point. If your partner is hanging out with you and your buddies, or even if you're hanging out in a group surrounded by all of your friends, you should still pay attention to them and let them know that they're important to you. Don't ditch them as soon as your friends show up, or they'll start to feel like a burden or like a last priority. [11] X Research source
- If you two are hanging out with your friends, you should sit next to them and include them in the conversation. Don't leave them hanging.
- Help your friends get to know them. If your friends are shy or awkward around your partner, it'll be hard to have a good time. Bring up some common interests for your friends and your partner to talk about.
-
Know when they need space. If you really want to be attentive, then you should notice when your partner wants to be left alone. Space and privacy are necessary for every healthy relationship, so don't be put off if it seems like your partner wants a night to themselves or even a night with their friends. If you're always around, then your relationship may be becoming too intense. Take some time apart from your partner so you have time to gain perspective and realize how much you miss each other.
- If you're always around, then they may start to feel that you're controlling or domineering. Let them do their own thing.
- If they want to be alone, be cool with it. If you look upset or hurt, they'll think you're insecure.
- Leave some room in their schedule. Don't try to plan your weekends so you're together every second and don't have time for your families or other friends.
Advertisement
-
Compliment them . It's natural if you feel a bit shy about complimenting your partner. If you're a teen, then this may be your first, or one of your first relationships, and you may feel awkward about telling your partner that they look nice or for complimenting their outfit, but you should get into the habit of complimenting them. This will let them know that you like them and notice them, and that they mean a lot to you. [12] X Research source
- You should compliment them even more if they get a new haircut or wear a new outfit.
- You can tell them they looks attractive whenever you want to -- it doesn't have to be only when they're all dressed up. If they look cute in a tank top and a pair of casual shorts, let them know.
- You don't have to overdo it -- just make sure to compliment them at least once every time you see them.
- You don't only have to compliment their looks -- you can compliment an aspect of their personality, like their amazing sense of humor, or you can tell them that they're an amazing gymnast or that they're great at French.
-
Give them physical affection . If you want to be affectionate, you should put your arm around your partner from time to time, hold hands, or even give them a quick kiss when you meet them. You don't have to overwhelm them or put your hands all over them whenever you see them, but you should give them some sign that you like being around them, even if it's just a gentle squeeze on the hand after class. [13] X Research source
- Learn to cuddle. Spend some time hugging them, stroking their hair, or showering them with kisses. Put your arms around their waist! People love this, they feel protected and safe in your arms.
- Only be as affectionate as they want you to be. Don't make them feel like they're getting groped in public or like they don't have room to breathe.
- Take it easy on the PDAs (Public Displays of Affection). You'll find that often, the couples that are the most comfortable with each other don't need to hold hands 24/7 or to make out in public. You can show them affection in public, but only as much as makes them comfortable.
-
Ask them if they are ready to take the next step. Do not pressure them though. It will make them very uncomfortable.
- You can do this by literally asking them.
- You can also try something new out whenever it seems natural, whether during a kiss or something out of the blue. But just be careful to read both their verbal reactions and their physical cues clearly, and stop if they're not comfortable.
- Don't rush them! Let them work at their own pace. If they say they don't want to, don't keep asking, or you could jeopardize how safe they feel with you.
-
Give them small gifts . Gifts are a great way to show your affection for your partner, no matter how small or silly they are. If you're a teen, you probably don't have a lot of spending money, and you don't have to save up to get a diamond necklace. Just give them a cute and silly teddy bear for Valentine's Day, a bouquet of flowers on their birthday, or tickets to the movie they wanted to see as a special treat. [14] X Research source
- It's not the actual gift that counts -- it's the gesture. A gift shows that you've taken the time to think about them.
-
Leave them sweet notes. Sweet notes are another old-fashioned and romantic way to let your partner know that you've been thinking about them. Leave them in their locker or hand them to them after school, or even at the end of a romantic date. You don't have to say much in the notes -- just tell them that you've been thinking about them and compliment something about them.
- Don't leave the notes if it feels forced. But if you really want to show your affection this way, they'll love it.
- You can also just text them randomly, saying things like "I love you" or "Thinking of you". This feels a little less personal than leaving notes, but it is better than nothing, especially if you're apart for a period of time and can't leave them notes.
-
Make time for romance. Part of being affectionate is making time when just the two of you can hang out, go on a date, and talk about how much you like each other -- or about nothing at all. You should try to have a "date night" at least once every week or two so you and your partner can have time to make your relationship move forward.
- You and your partner can alternate picking where you'll go and what you'll do. Maybe they want to go mini-golfing one weekend and you want to go to the beach another time.
- Almost any situation can be romantic if you're alone with your partner and show them lots of affection. You can have a romantic time at the county fair or even when you're watching a silly movie.
- You should also make time for the guys, but don't make your partner feel like they're the last priority.
Advertisement
-
Pursue some interests together. If you want to be a good boyfriend and to make your relationship last a long time, then you and your partner should find some interests to pursue together. Though it may be hard to do this with your busy schedules, you should find an activity that you both like to do, like playing tennis together on weekends, or trying every sushi restaurant in town.
- You can even find a new TV show that you're both addicted to.
- It doesn't matter what you do -- what matters is that you're building more interests together, which will give you more to look forward to and to talk about throughout the course of your relationship.
-
Keep it fresh. If you've been with your partner for a while, things can begin to fall into a routine, and you may feel like your relationship is losing that special spark. Make sure to keep things interesting by finding new ways to compliment your partner, going to new spots during your date nights, and finding new interests to pursue together.
- Be spontaneous. Pick them up after school and drive them to a park for an impromptu picnic. [15] X Research source
- Don't do the same thing every weekend. Make sure you try at least one new thing together every time you go out, even if it means seeing the same movie in a different theater.
- Don't forget about your looks. You should continue to look nice, even if you've been together for a while. If you slack off in this department, they may think you don't care anymore.
-
Maintain some independence. If you're in a teenage relationship, then it's never a good idea to spend all of your time together with your significant other. Let's face it -- teenage relationships are less likely to last than adult relationships, or even college relationships, so you shouldn't invest 100% of your time in each other or you may both be disappointed. Your relationship can continue to grow and strengthen while both of you still remember who you are without each other. [16] X Research source
- Continue to make time for your guy friends. Don't ditch them completely to hang out with your partner.
- Don't let your partner ditch their friends to hang out with you all the time, either.
- Don't stop pursuing your interests just because of your partner. Continue to practice with your band, even if they don't like the music.
- If you and your partner are always together, you won't have any room to step back and gain some perspective. Being apart helps you value what you have, and to think about anything that may not be working.
-
Don't move too fast. If you're a teenage guy, then it's likely that you have strong hormonal impulses and want to make out, or do much more, with your partner whenever you can. But whether you want to move a little further than kissing or to go all the way, you have to make sure that your partner is completely ready to take this step.
- Don't ever pressure your partner to do more than they want to do. They may feel forced to give in to you, and they will regret it later.
- If you keep trying to move too fast, your partner may think that you're not in the relationship for the right reasons.
- Let your partner make the calls sometimes. Wait for them to tell you what they want instead of making it clear that you want more.
- You should avoid moving too fast not only in the bedroom, but in general. Don't start talking about college or your potential futures together until you've been together for a long time and feel truly serious about each other.
-
Text back. When you don't text back, they may get paranoid, so when you do text back say "Sorry I took so long, I had to help my mom", or whatever reason you didn't reply.
- Take care when you text other friends. Partners can get very jealous if they see you texting someone else. However, this doesn't mean you can't text others. If you are going to text another person, just make it clear that you are taken and do not flirt with them. If your partner catches you texting someone in a more than friendly way, they'll drop you faster than hot coal, unless they love you.
-
Remember how lucky you are. They're attractive, good-looking, lovely, and kind, and that other person you just glanced at is not worth it. Your partner will probably do anything for you, so don't forget how much you mean to them. [17] X Research source
- Let them know you care. Sometimes they will want to be treated like the only person who matters, show them you care about them by telling them so. Listen to their ideas and opinions, if you disagree with them no need to start an argument, sharing ideologies can be fun.
- Do not talk about their faults. Never ever talk about their faults or flaws, your opinion is very important to them so by saying mean things you could really damage their self-esteem. Recognize their good qualities and make sure they know about them. However, if your partner is... let's say, really bossy and controlling, this may be something you need to point out.
-
Be there for them. If they are in a spot of trouble, help the person out. Always be there for your partner when they need help and back them up when they need it. If they are sad, try to help them sort out their problems and they should do the same for you. Remember, relationships are a two-way street, they have to put in effort too.
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
- Don't be paranoid about other guys. Let them talk to other guys, and don't always worry that they're gonna break up with you.Thanks
- If they think that you are cheating on them or that you like someone else, remind them how much you love them.Thanks
- Don't say "I love you" until you're sure you mean it.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
Warnings
- Don't let what other people say matter. You're dating them because you like them, so ignore everyone else's opinion.Thanks
- Don't try to make them jealous, or suggest that they may be jealous. But if you do suppose they are jealous, give them some extra affection.Thanks
- If they have guy friends, don't get jealous. It's annoying and incredibly clingy.Thanks
- Don't be jealous of their exes. They're with you, not with them. In the same way, don't make them jealous of your exes. Keep conversations about them to an absolute minimum.Thanks
- Don't cheat on them. Cheating on them is a big no. If you do, they will eventually find out.Thanks
- Never ask for nude pictures, and never send any of yourself. If they want you to see them naked, they'll do it for you in person.Thanks
- Don't tell them you think other people are hot, even if they ask your opinion. This can be very damaging. You don't want to hear about how much they like Taylor Lautner. It's the same with them. They don't want to hear you talk about Megan Fox.Thanks
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201209/the-real-secret-intimacy-and-why-it-scares-us
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2012/04/03/what-your-clothes-say-about-you/#34c1136b6699
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truth-about-exercise-addiction/201609/what-eye-contact-can-do-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201411/honesty-can-make-or-break-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201804/10-reasons-compromise-in-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moments-matter/201701/saying-i-m-sorry
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-you-us/201503/why-your-friends-approval-is-so-crucial-relationship
- ↑ https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/things-girls-wished-you-knew_10.html
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-sincere-compliments-can-help-you-connect-with-others-0222175
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201303/the-power-touch
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201711/the-psychology-gift-giving
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201710/how-be-more-spontaneous
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201308/how-be-someone-still-be-yourself
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html
About This Article
Article Summary
X
To be a good boyfriend as a teen, try to communicate honestly with your significant other so you can build your relationship on trust. If you do have a disagreement, look for ways to compromise and apologize sincerely if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. It's important to be attentive and support your significant other's goals, but try to recognize when they need personal space so you can provide that, too. Most importantly, be yourself and don't forget to pursue your own interests and goals! For tips on showing your affection, read on!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,150,229 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "These tips really helped me. I'll be revising all this advice for the next few days, so I can reassure my girlfriend of how much I truly love her, and make sure she feels like she can trust me with her problems. Thanks." ..." more
Advertisement
100%
of readers found this article helpful
.
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
"These tips really helped me. I'll be revising all this advice for the next few days, so I can reassure my girlfriend of how much I truly love her, and make sure she feels like she can trust me with her problems. Thanks."
..."
more
"I am 14 years old, and I have a crush on another girl in my class. I just didn't know how to tell her that I like her. This article was very helpful, and I can't wait to share my feelings with her!"
..."
more
"I screwed up and now she wont talk to me and her friends and my friends make it really awkward around us. I hope this will help."
..."
more
"Yes, it helped a lot and the tips were good and very helpful. I appreciate all the hard work you put into this. "
"Interesting, helped me realize the kind of guy I am and how I can be a better person all around."
