Effective verbal communication is necessary in almost every field of life. You need good communication to do everything from performing your job properly to ensuring your romantic relationship functions smoothly. Many people struggle with this skill, but it is not too difficult if you remember a few important details.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Preparing Yourself
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Make some mental notes first. You should always be prepared for what you are going to talk about. It can be very helpful to jot down some ideas ahead of time so you don't forget some of your key points, or just to help you figure out what you want to say.
- Most people lack verbal communication skills due to shame and fear of being misunderstood. To get better at it, it's important to get to a calm state of mind in order to overcome that shame and speak your mind without fearing a disconnection with the other person.
- If you're getting ready for a social event, it helps to come up with a few topics in advance that would be good for small talk, like something seasonal or something related to the event you're attending.
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Practice in the mirror. All skills take practice, and good conversation skills are no different. If you have a big speech to give or an important conversation coming up, it can be helpful to practice it with yourself in the mirror beforehand. This way, you'll at least have a run through in your mind already before you attempt the real thing. And it will help you work out any possible problems that may arise (in your argument, stumbling over words, etc.). [1] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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Read a lot. The more you know about a topic, the better you'll be at talking about that topic. Reading will help you enhance your knowledge and will boost your diction in the process. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Speaking in Informal Settings
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Make eye contact. This technique is so important, but many people forget about it when speaking to people. It shows attentiveness and interest in what's being said. Increased eye contact is associated with credibility and dominance [3] X Trustworthy Source Michigan State University Extension Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement Go to source , so it is important to maintain solid eye contact when speaking to someone.
- If you're someone that's usually too overstimulated to make eye contact due to anxiety, know that you're not alone. That said, being able to look into somebody's eyes definitely has benefits in providing connection for the two of you.
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Smile. Something as simple as a smile can completely change the way a conversation goes. Smiling helps us form and sustain interpersonal relationships, [4] X Research source so it is an essential part of communicating with others.
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Practice open/relaxed body language. Your body language should be relaxed. This means that you should not cross your arms or stiffen your body. Keeping your arms open invites reciprocated communication rather than sending a message of being closed and unreceptive. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Even if you're not relaxed or comfortable, remember that not all interactions will be pleasant or comfortable. If it's a topic that you're willing to talk about, it might be worth having uncomfortable conversations at times.
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Avoid harsh tones. Your tone of voice can be an immediate deciding factor for how someone interprets what you say. You could say a phrase in a positive tone and someone would interpret it positively, while saying the same thing in a harsh tone would lead to a negative interpretation.
- Reader Poll: We asked 418 wikiHow readers about what communication skills most attract them to someone, and only 6% named assertiveness as the most appealing trait.
- While it's good to be direct, speaking in a softer and more agreeable way may endear more people to you.
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Don't get off on tangents. Verbal communication is different from other forms of communication in that it is easier to get off topic, which can make it hard to remember what the conversation was really supposed to be about. This is confusing for your listener. So, stay on topic.
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Show confidence. Before you start talking, you should be confident that you can achieve the goal you have for engaging in this conversation. If you are unsure of yourself, your conversation partner will be less receptive to your message.Advertisement
Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Speaking in Public/Formal Settings
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Be concise and clear. Do not add irrelevant elements in your speech. Get to the point and say what you mean so that your listener can respond accordingly. [6] X Research source
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Don't get off on tangents. Verbal communication is different than other forms of communication in that it is easier to get off topic, which can make it hard to remember what the conversation was really supposed to be about. This is confusing for your listener. So, stay on topic.
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Be considerate. Always include a consideration for your audience/listeners when planning out a speech or thinking about an upcoming conversation. You don't want to say something that might be taken the wrong way or offend your audience.
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Make eye contact. Making and maintaining eye contact is crucial when speaking to people, whether one-on-one or in a group setting. It shows attentiveness and interest in what's being said. Increased eye contact is associated with credibility and dominance [7] X Trustworthy Source Michigan State University Extension Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement Go to source , so it is important to maintain solid eye contact when speaking to individuals or to a group.
- Note: When you are addressing a crowd, you should not look at one for more than 5 seconds. This is too personal/intimate for a group setting.
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Smile. Practice smiling while you speak. This is especially important when addressing groups of people because it is a simple way to build a foundational relationship with people you may not have any one-on-one interaction with. Smiling helps us form and sustain interpersonal relationships [8] X Research source , so it is an essential part of communicating with others.
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Pace yourself. Do not speak in a hurry, as it will make the listener think that you are confused or that you don't know what you're talking about. Speak slowly and confidently.
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Avoid sarcasm. From the standpoint of a listener, a sarcastic remark requires a process of decoding and interpretation before they can understand what has been said, what has been meant, and if the two are the same. [9] X Research source
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Try to incorporate humor. Everyone likes to laugh, so humor can be a great way to lighten up your conversation and make your listener more receptive to your message.
- Note: Of course, you should avoid vulgar or inappropriate humor to avoid offending your listener.
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Practice open/relaxed body language. Your body language should be relaxed. This means that you should not cross your arms or stiffen your body. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- When addressing groups of people, it is important to use your hand gestures to emphasize your message. Try not to be overly animated, but don't keep your arms stiff at your side either.
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Be sure of yourself. Your audience won't put any stock in what you say if you act unsure or timid. You have to show your listeners that you believe in your message before you can expect them to believe you too.
- Remember that fear and shame can also overcome you in professional settings, since these emotions have a great deal of control over what we communicate, hindering creativity and productivity. Overcoming these feelings and being more sure of yourself can help you communicate better with your bosses and peers.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you start up a conversation with someone at a party?Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”Try to think of 3-4 small talk topics before you get to the party. You might talk about the location of the party, share an interesting fact about the party, or mention something about the organizer of the party. If you bump into someone you know, spend a little time thinking about the last time you saw them and ask them a question based on that.
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QuestionWhat is the best way to improve communication skills at work?Joseph Phillips, MSW is a Clinical Therapist and Social Worker at Transformative Growth Counseling, which is based in Illinois and Florida. He specializes in relationship and attachment therapy and treats anxiety, depression, trauma, and substance use. He earned a Master of Social Work from Tulane University in New Orleans, Louisiana, and he completed his clinical internship with Transformative Growth Counseling. Joseph is also certified in disaster and collective trauma counseling.Above all, it revolves around shame and not wanting to be disconnected from that person you need to be able to communicate with. Shame has so much control over what we communicate that it hinders creativity and productivity. Overcoming that shame helps you to communicate better with people at work.
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QuestionHow can I manage the pressure?Community AnswerWork on building up your confidence. Tell yourself that what you have to say is important and that people will listen. Over time you will find yourself growing more comfortable with talking to others.
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References
- ↑ https://courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-realworldcomm/chapter/10-4-physical-delivery/
- ↑ https://hr.berkeley.edu/9-practical-ways-improve-verbal-communication
- ↑ http://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_an_introduction_to_its_role_in_communication
- ↑ https://www.yalescientific.org/2012/03/the-subtle-smile-the-effect-of-smiling-and-other-non-verbal-gestures-on-gender-roles/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
- ↑ https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-speak-more-concisely
- ↑ https://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_an_introduction_to_its_role_in_communication
- ↑ https://www.yalescientific.org/2012/03/the-subtle-smile-the-effect-of-smiling-and-other-non-verbal-gestures-on-gender-roles/
- ↑ https://ccat.sas.upenn.edu/plc/communication/valerie.htm
About this article
Article Summary
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With a little extra attention, you can improve your verbal communication skills and have better conversations with your friends, family, and coworkers. Use a positive, relaxed tone of voice so people will naturally want to listen to you. Speak clearly and at a speed that everyone can understand. If people don't seem to be following you, slow down your pace a bit. You can also tell a joke or 2 to keep things lighthearted and engage people. Try to stick to one conversation topic at a time, instead of going off on tangents and risking confusing people. For more tips, including how to prepare for a big speech, read on!
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