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Having a relationship with your partner is an excellent, beneficial journey, but eventually, it grows hard to maintain both relationships and friendships equally! Whether you're losing contact with your friends or concentrating more on your friends than your partner, this article will help you find a healthy balance between both your love life and friends' time.
Steps
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Take a step back and view your relationship with your partner and your other friendships. Sometimes, you may not be taking a look at the whole picture - you may be just focusing on part of your garden and neglecting all the weeds growing in other places! Ask yourself these questions:
- Am I spending enough time with both to really form meaningful bonds?
- Who am I with most of the time?
- Are there more positive or negative feelings in my partner's relationship and my friendships?
- Do I feel unhappy with my relationship or friendships?
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Consider feelings. Do you sense negative energy from your partner or friends? If there seems to be a cloudier tension in your relationship, you may want to lay off some time from hanging out with your friends. If it's the other way around, you may be spending too much time in your love life.Advertisement
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Talk to your partner and friends, if possible, and ask them how they feel. [1] X Research source Do you spend too much time tending to your relationship and neglecting the weeds in your friendships, or is it other way around? You can't just focus on one part of the garden, but you must take a look at the whole garden. Where are the weeds thriving more? [2] X Research source
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Consider what your priorities lay. Is it your life, friends, career, etc? Even though you have your relationship and friendships to tend to, you must focus on your priorities, but not so much that you are neglecting your partner and friends! Spread your time so that you can be with each person personally. Remember that you can't be everywhere at once; there is only one of you, so time matters in this step!
- Time management is important in maintaining both relationships and friendships. It's critical to provide time for your partner, your buddies, and - most importantly - yourself!
- Know that your partner is just as important as your friends. No one deserves more attention than the other.
EXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).If you're feeling overwhelmed, you have options. Take a closer look at how you're allocating your time, and see which commitments take up the most of your energy. Don't be afraid to set boundaries when you need to!
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Always be in touch. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't hang out with your buddies. Hang out with them at least once a week; if you cannot be present, sending them a card letting them know you love them is more touching than an email or text message. [3] X Research source
- Go out on an outing with your friends. Whether it's a trip to the club, bowling, or a meal at a restaurant, make every moment count! Never leave one of your friends out! [4] X Research source
- Be aware of what is going on in your friends' lives. If you do not update yourself on their status every few days, they will think you do not care for them and your friendships will wither!
- Going on social websites such as Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, etc. can help you keep in touch with your friends. Plus, you can easily plan social events and group hang outs!
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Make sure your partner is aware of the times you plan to hang out with your friends or have private time alone. This way, your schedule and your partner's schedule will not be upset—communication and boundaries are everything! If your partner has no idea about your group hang out and plans a special surprise dinner for you that day, they will more than likely be hurt! Letting your partner know about your schedule will prevent any hurt feelings and confusion in the future. [5] X Research source
- Make sure your partner is also aware of who your friends are. It's best that they know who your friends are so that there is no worry of who you're hanging out with. This will also erase any possessive or concerned feelings in your partner.
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Remember that you are committed , not barred in a relationship. Make sure your friends are aware of that as well. They need to know that you love your partner's company, but you miss their company as well. You can still live your life however you want; your partner cannot control you in that area. You make the decisions.
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Let your partner do their things as they want. Avoid being the over-possessive partner just because they have more girl or guy friends. [6] X Research source If your partner really does care for you, they will not cheat on you. However, being sure that you do spend enough time with your partner will prevent your partner from holding such thoughts.
- If your partner does cheat on you, know that it is not your fault. Your partner probably feels deprived of love and sees something else in another person that they do not see in you. [7] X Research source
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Make sure you are there when your best friend needs a shoulder to lean or cry on. This way, you can be sure they will return the favor in the future when you need them! However, if you are unable to be present, sending them a thoughtful, loving card that assures your support with them can be just as sweet as you being there in person with them. [8] X Research source
- Never delay in sending comfort or reassurance to your friend. Your friend will most likely hold hurt feelings and wonder whether you really are their best friend or not.
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Don't be afraid to speak out about how you feel, but do consider other people's feelings and do it in the gentlest but firmest way. Don't let anyone control you - this is your life, and these are your decisions!
- Do let people influence your decisions a little, but do not let them make the decisions for you unless their advice seems better than your own.
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Enjoy your flourishing garden of relationship and friendships! Be sure to tend to it every day and never neglect one part of it. Always look at the whole picture and do whatever it takes to pull out the weeds and keep the flowers blooming.
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QuestionHow can you have friends of the opposite gender while you're in a relationship?Leah Morris is a Life and Relationship Transition coach and the owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a professional coach, she specializes in guiding people as they move through both short-term and long-term life transitions. Leah holds a BA in Organizational Communication from California State University, Chico and is a certified Transformational Life Coach through the Southwest Institute for Healing Arts.Talk to your partner about the relationship you have with your friend of the opposite gender. Discuss the importance of that to your partner, while also hearing from their perspective how they might be feeling about things. While it won't always be feasible to do, see if you can include your partner in some of the activities you and your friend do (just be sure that you maintain proper boundaries).
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QuestionI am in relationship with a girl, and I have a strong feelings for her, but I'm very jealous if she is receives calls from guys. Sometimes she will invite to see her at the salon, but she has refused to show me her new apartment. Could she be seeing someone else?Community AnswerIt's possible. The best thing to do would be to sit down with her face-to-face and calmly discuss your concerns about trust. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if you can't work with her to find a way to trust her, you'll have to move on.
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QuestionI'm married and have befriended my male boss at work. How do I strengthen the friendship without giving him the wrong idea?Community AnswerStart by making sure that your friend knows you're married. Mention your husband whenever possible in conversation; you can even turn the conversation towards marriage and relationship to have an excuse to mention him. On the other side, inform your husband of your friendship with your male boss. Be very open about who he is, how you met, etc. so he doesn't feel like you're trying to hide anything from him.
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Tips
- Don't waste your time on friends who are just there when they need you. Find true, supportive friends.Thanks
- This is not a black-and-white decision. You definitely do not need to give up your friends for your relationship or vice versa. Balance is key.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about keeping friendships during a relationship, check out our in-depth interview with Leah Morris .
References
- ↑ https://www.talkspace.com/blog/keep-friends-while-in-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/how-to-handle-friendships-while-in-a-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/3034456/7-non-sketchy-ways-to-stay-in-touch-with-your-contacts
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-keep-your-friends_b_2947992
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-keep-your-friends_b_2947992
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201702/be-mine-dealing-possessiveness-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201802/your-partner-cheated-now-what
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201410/9-ways-be-there-friend-without-giving-advice
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- "I think this is a very balanced article that covers all aspects of the relationship/friendship balance problem very well. It's a very nuanced topic (like all things in life), but I think this article really manages to convey some important points!" ..." more
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"I think this is a very balanced article that covers all aspects of the relationship/friendship balance problem very well. It's a very nuanced topic (like all things in life), but I think this article really manages to convey some important points!"
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