Q&A for How to Become a Loner

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Is it normal to fear loneliness?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Yes, it is! Still, you have to go headlong into that fear and get curious to see what it is trying to tell you. What is it that you're really afraid of? Does it bring up inadequacy? Does it bring up a fear of being abandoned? Then, start working to heal that so you can be alone without suffering. If you learn to be your own best company, you'll become a better company for everyone else.

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Question

I've had no good friends for many years. I want friends, but everyone I know seems to push me away. How can I accept this and enjoy being a loner?

Community Answer

Find your favorite hobbies and personal activities and don't bother too much with your surroundings and other people. You can stay in your room sketching or writing and work on improving your skills. Don't rule out making friends, though. Put yourself out there and try to find people you have things in common with.

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Question

What are some tips for how to survive high school as a loner?

Community Answer

Just focus on school and make sure you are passing your classes, friends are a second priority. You go to school to do school, the only important thing during this time is graduating. Look forward to the things you will do after high school.

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Question

I'm alone a lot of the time and stay home a lot, am I a loner?

Community Answer

If you spend most of your time by yourself rather than with others, and tend not to seek out their company, then you're a loner.

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Question

I am in high school and have some friends but would like to be a loner. How do I quit my friendships?

Community Answer

I think you will find yourself regretting your decision to "quit" your friendships. Friends are important to your social and emotional development. Maintain relationships with at least two of your friends, and just stop hanging out with the others.

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Question

Can I be a fashion, jewelry, or accessories designer if I am a loner?

Community Answer

Of course you can!

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Question

I want to be a loner, but also want to be in the drama club and I can't do both. How can I decide?

Community Answer

You absolutely can do both. Many loners involve themselves in activities that make them happy. Go to drama club if you feel happy there.

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Question

I am aware of my loner personality and I accept it, but my parents and teachers keep trying to force me to be social and outgoing. What can I do?

Community Answer

Explain to them what they expect just isn't who you are, and that you are happy as a loner.

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Question

My friends have been leaving me out, even though I say yes when they ask me to hang out. I'm in middle school and almost high school, so I just do not know what to do. Help?

Community Answer

Try to talk to some new people and make some new friends. You don't have to ditch your old friends entirely, but it sounds like they are not really there for you. The good news is, you will meet lots of new people in high school. In the meantime, maybe approach someone you've always wanted to get to know better, see if they want to hang out sometime.

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Question

I'm 10 and have no friends. Can I be a loner?

Community Answer

Yes, but but it would still be good for you have at least a couple friends to help you in times of need.

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Question

I'm 11 and I only have 3 real friends. I want to try to be a loner for a week. Could I enjoy it?

Community Answer

Maybe. If you're curious, give it a try. You might want to tell your friends you're going to take a week for yourself ahead of time, just so they don't get offended over you not talking to them.

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Question

How can I be a disciplined in important meetings? I'm always nervous in meetings.

Ramile DePaiva

Community Answer

Observe the atmosphere. Listen to what others have to say and then say what you feel is really important. Don't say things that are unnecessary. Keep a calm face. If you feel too nervous, go to the bathroom and breathe deeply.

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Question

How can I become more of a loner but not appear lonely to others?

Community Answer

You can't. The whole point of being a loner is being lonely.

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Question

Can I still achieve goals that require socializing if I become a loner?

Community Answer

Of course, you can. What really matters is you being happy. If being a loner makes you happy, your happiness will make it easier to accomplish your goals.

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Question

I've always been the better friend. How do I cut off people who are not my real friends?

Community Answer

Whatever makes them not your real friends, talk to them about how you feel and how it may hurt you. If they still don't understand, even from your point of view, then find a good group of friends, so they get the hint that you don't want be with them.

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Question

How can I become a loner if I miss talking to my friends?

Community Answer

Being a loner is not mandatory. If you miss your friends then do not be a loner.

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Question

Can I be a loner if I have only online friends?

Community Answer

Of course! You can be a loner even if you have friends in real life. Being a loner just means you keep to yourself more often than not.

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Question

If no one likes me, should I give up and become a loner?

Community Answer

You shouldn't "give up" and become a loner unless that is something you really want to do. If you're having trouble finding friends, join a club or sign up for a sport. Try approaching someone who seems nice and striking up a conversation. You never know who might become a great friend. If you're being bullied, you should talk about this with a teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult at school.

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What do I do if I have no friends in my class? Should I become a loner?

Community Answer

Go and try to make friends, just smile introduce yourself and find something you have in common with them. Or find a friend in another class. Get yourself known and recognised by doing something cool, impress everyone and you'll be popular in no time. Be nice to people too.

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Question

How do I become a loner if I'm always being put in the middle of things and being pushed around?

Community Answer

Try to avoid the people who tend to loop you into this kind of drama. Learn to recognise the difference between conflict that is not important to get involved in and something you should step into. If you just stay away from drama and don't voluntarily involve yourself in those types of situations, you should have no trouble steering clear of getting in the middle. Just do your own thing, and don't let people push you around, you need to understand your values and act on them. Live for yourself, and nobody else.

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