Expert Q&A for How to Deal With a Lying Boyfriend

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Question

How do you stop lying in a relationship?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

If you have been called on it by the other person, make a concerted effort to begin telling the truth. Let them know of your plan. Ask yourself what you are afraid of; we often lie because we are afraid of something.

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Question

How can I tell if my boyfriend is lying through text?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

I'm not sure you can. It's easier to tell when you talk in person because you can look for indicators like lack of eye contact or facial redness, etc. However, if there is a pattern like canceling get-togethers at the last moment with various unusual explanations, that might indicate that he's lying.

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Question

How do you confront a lying boyfriend?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Let him know that you know he has been lying to you and provide specific examples. Do your best to remain calm, even though you are likely upset and angry.

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Question

How do I get the truth out of my boyfriend?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Some people do not tell the truth and I am not sure you can 'make' anyone tell the truth. However, you can state your own position—tell him that you cannot continue in a relationship where you are being lied to. Give him some time to make a change.

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Question

What is the best background check for my boyfriend who I know has been lying to me for years? I just need proof. I have given him many chances I am done now but I want to know I was right.

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Just Google - there are a lot of services out there. You could also hire a private investigator. Make sure you read reviews on the sites to be sure the service you hire is reputable. But isn't your own knowledge and intuition proof enough?

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Question

My boyfriend got suspended from work for stealing, I just found out. He lied and told me he was given time off because he was sick. What should I do?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Since you know, it would be a good idea for you to let him know you know, and try to talk things through. He might have been ashamed about the stealing, and didn't tell you. On the other hand, it could be part of a larger pattern. Talk!

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