Q&A for How to Deal with Not Being Thanked for a Gift

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Am I right to feel hurt that my boyfriend didn't acknowledge or thank me for his Valentine's gift?

Community Answer

Yes. It's downright rude to not acknowledge a gift, and since he's your boyfriend, it's a sign that he doesn't really appreciate you. Try having a talk with him about how this made you feel.

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Question

My nephews never thank me for their gifts, they are 8 and 15. Their parents are the same. I am tempted to stop offering them gifts altogether to teach them a lesson, is this the right way forward?

Community Answer

The best way to do it is to say something to the parents. Tell them how you feel. It is rude to not thank the gift giver after receiving a gift, but it sounds like their children don't know this because they haven't been taught properly. If you stop giving the children gifts, they'll have no idea why you did it, which will defeat the purpose.

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Question

My brother deliberately doesn't thank me for gifts, but thanks my mother. What should I do?

Community Answer

You should tell him about your feelings, and if he still does not care, then tell your parents about it.

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Question

I gave a really nice gift to my crush and he didn't say thank you, and I found out that he opened it and passed it out to all his friends. What do I do?

Community Answer

It sounds like your crush is pretty insensitive and rude. I would just take this as a sign that this is not the right guy for you and move on. If you really want to you could confront him and tell him his behavior was rude, but it's probably not worth it.

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Question

I gave my niece-in-law a $600 KitchenAid for her bridal shower five weeks ago and have not received an acknowledgment or thank-you. Is it unreasonable to expect this? I'm now hesitant to send a wedding gift.

Taco Lover

Community Answer

Thanking people for gifts might not be something that happens within her family, so she might not have been aware of your family's customs. It's not an unreasonable expectation, but if you wanted to at least hear acknowledgment, you can ask her if she's used it. She may respond positively and thank you then. Wedding planning is hard, and she might have forgotten.

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Question

If children aren't taught to say "thank you" for gifts, shouldn't they realize it's the right thing to do, when they become adults?

Mystery899

Community Answer

They probably will by experiencing others doing this and seeing how they thank people for a gift. They will get more mature and understand how thanking people for gifts work. You could also try politely explaining things to them.

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Question

I provided a retirement gift to my supervisor of which I left at her desk, however, there was no thank you or acknowledgement of the gift/retirement card. How should I approach this?

Mystery899

Community Answer

Start by going up to your supervisor asking how the gift you gave them was. If they ask what you are talking about tell them you left it on their desk, they may have not seen it yet.

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Question

My cousin's daughter got married, we could not attend the wedding. I sen $200 and never received a thank you note. It really kind of hurt my feelings and don’t know if I should say something

Mystery899

Community Answer

Try giving them a call. Start by telling them how happy you are that they got married. Start by bringing up the money you sent them by saying, "I really hope the $200 dollars helped." They will probably say that it really helped and will thank you. However, any gift should be unconditional, so it's a good idea to learn to let it go.

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Question

How to write thank you if you are not sure of the gift they gave you?

Mystery899

Community Answer

Just try writing this, "Thank you very much for the gift, [the person's name], I love it so much and its so useful! Yours truly, your name".

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Question

Only hear from nephew when his infant kids have a birthday. We always send gift and never receive a thank you. I have to call to ensure they received gifts. Should I stop sending gifts?

Mystery899

Community Answer

It is your choice to stop giving gifts or keep on giving them. They may not be thankful for the gifts you are giving them, or they are too busy to write a thank you card.

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Question

Our adult nephew doesn’t acknowledge our gift giving. We are very generous and give monetary gifts on Christmas and their birthdays. It is hurtful not to have the gifts acknowledged. What should we do?

Mystery899

Community Answer

You could try asking him if he likes the gifts you are giving him, or you can ask what he would like to be given. You may not be getting anything he likes, which is why he is not writing a thank you card. You could also talk to his parents about your concerns.

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Question

Just curious as to how people feel about getting a "text" for a thank you as opposed to getting a personal thank you over the phone or in person. A text to me is very impersonal.

Lilylovers

Top Answerer

It is different for everyone. Some may think a text is fine, whereas some may not. Whoever sent you a text to thank you probably wasn't intending to hurt you.

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Question

Just found a son and grandchildren and great grandchildren. Do I start giving gifts for birthdays?

Lilylovers

Top Answerer

This would be a nice thing to do, but check with them to see whether they would accept gifts from you. That way you can be sure your gifts will be accepted.

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Question

Should you expect your adult children to thank you for gifts you purchase for the grandchildren (their children)? And what would the normal time frame be to allow before confronting them?

Lilylovers

Top Answerer

Do not confront them about this, as maybe they believe the children should be the ones to thank you. However, being thanked shouldn't be the main reason for gift giving, you should do it to make the recipient happy. If you expect thanks, then you've made the giving conditional, in which case, it's no longer well intended nor a gift.

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Question

What if I had an email gift card sent to my niece 2 months ago and haven't received a thank you? At this point, I would just like to know if she received it.

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

If you sent this by e-mail and did not get an error message in return, then it has been delivered. She has seen it, appreciated it, and moved on. Let's be honest, though a thank you is nice, it is not obligatory, and these things are not the most important in anyone's life. Just let it go.

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Question

Gave a shower gift, but received no thank you. Gave a cash wedding gift two months ago, and again no thank you. Asked if it was received and expressed disappointment. I received a thank you note with money returned. What should I have done?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

A great part of this is your own expectations. Gift giving is supposed to be terminal; i.e. we can't expect anything in return. Once a gift is given, that is the end of it. Sure, a thank you is nice, kind, polite, even a cultural custom, but not obligatory. It's "Here's my gift," not "Here's my gift, now give me validation." What if the person issued a general thank you to all gift givers that you may have missed?

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Question

I found out that friend gave me a gift basket for the birth of my son, but It's been six months and I do not recall ever getting the gift. How do I respond to the sender?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Say thank you anyway. "So nice of you to give me something for the birth of my son. Sorry I didn't pay more notice to it back then. I can't recall what it was; I must have been overwhelmed back then. I'd love to see you soon, let's talk."

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