Expert Q&A for How to Handle a Cheating Partner

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Can a relationship work after cheating?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Counselor
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Counselor

Expert Answer

Absolutely. If you're willing to put the work in and you think you have it in your heart to try and move forward, a relationship can come out the other side stronger than ever! It's going to take time though, so don't get too discouraged if you don't feel things getting better right away.

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Question

How should I talk to my partner about my feelings of inadequacy after we've gotten back together?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Counselor
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Counselor

Expert Answer

Use "I" statements and speak openly about what you're feeling without making them feel like you're only bringing this up to remind them of what they've done wrong. It can be hard, but try to be vulnerable and open about what you're going through.

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Question

How do you punish a cheating partner?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Decide if you can go on after cheating. Some can, and some cannot. It is not about punishment. It is actually about whether or not you can move toward forgiveness.

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Question

How do I forgive my husband for cheating?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Slowly and over time. It will depend on how he handles the situation. Is he sorry? Does he strongly state that he wants your relationship to continue? Ask yourself if you are able to forgive him.

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Question

What should I do if my husband is cheating?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You and he have a lot of talking to do. You also have a lot of thinking to do about whether or not you can forgive. As a minimum, set the boundaries moving forward. Require that he stop seeing the other person.

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Question

Can you really love someone but cheat?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

There is something wrong with this idea. A lot depends on what rules/boundaries the two of you have about exclusivity. Yes, you might be able to love and cheat, but is your partner also capable of it?

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Question

I think I forgave my boyfriend too quickly for cheating, and now I still don't trust him. What do I do now?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Moving on often does not work when you skip steps. Forgiveness is a deep, long process. Healing is also a deep process that takes two people working at it.

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Question

My husband has been having an affair for the past five years, despite giving him an ultimatum and confrontation. I think he is still seeing her. What do I do?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It sounds like you might be hesitating and wavering on your position. If you gave an ultimatum that long ago, why haven't you followed through on it? You might consider personal counseling if you are unhappy and frustrated about the situation after such a long period of time. Best of luck!

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Question

How do you deal with a cheating partner if you are gay?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

A relationship is a relationship — gay or straight. The only thing that could be different is what understanding existed about exclusivity. It is only 'cheating' if there was a stated and agreed upon understanding about sexual monogamy, whether or not there is a marriage.

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