1. Level the playing field When you first meet up with your child, let them lead the way. Listen to your child’s concerns without immediately arguing or becoming defensive. If they come to the meeting expecting you to apologize, do so and then listen to what they have to say. “Anderson, it’s good to see you.” Aren’t you going to apologize at least? “Of course. I’m so sorry for the way I acted, and I feel terrible that I made you feel this way. Let’s talk about it.” I can’t believe you don’t even know what you did. “Whatever I did, I am so sorry. Can you tell me more about how I upset you? I want to make sure it never happens again.” 2. Don’t immediately defend your behavior Remember that their point of view is valid, even if you disagree with it. While what you hear may be hurtful to you, keep in mind that at this point your child needs to say it and get their feelings out. Don’t: Defend yourself Do: Listen and try to understand I know you’ve always loved Sasha more than me. You paid for her entire college education and you let her walk all over you. Meanwhile you kick me out of the house as soon as I turn 21! “That’s ridiculous. We bought you your car and paid your first year’s rent. You were the one who couldn’t wait to leave.” I know you’ve always loved Sasha more than me. You paid for her entire college education and you let her walk all over you. Meanwhile you kick me out of the house as soon as I turn 21! “I’m so sorry we made you feel that way. I didn’t realize. You know Mom and I love you so much.” Why did you even come to my wedding if you were just going to criticize everything? “Well to be honest Lisa, that floral arrangement was an absolute nightmare.” Why did you even come to my wedding if you were just going to criticize everything? “I’m so sorry I was hypercritical. I can see now how selfish that was.”