Don’t talk about your own experience. It’s tempting to compare what your friend is going through with something you've gone through in the past. However, it’s more helpful to keep the focus on the present situation. Your upset friend probably is not in the mood to hear about your past problems. Avoid Say instead I remember when my Grandma died, I couldn’t stop crying for a week. I still think about her all the time. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother’s passing. You should take all the time you need to process this. I know exactly how you feel. I also got rejected from almost all of my top choice schools. It really sucks to get that rejection letter, doesn’t it? I’m here for you anytime you want to talk. Don’t try to instantly turn the conversation positive or distract them. If you do this with intent to cheer up your friend, they may think you are dismissing their feelings and glossing over the problem. Avoid Say instead “Cheer up, there’s plenty more fish in the sea!” “I was so sorry to hear about you and Andrew.” “How about we go shopping after class today. That will take your mind off things.” “It’s okay to feel sad. Do you want to talk about it?” Don’t immediately begin to offer solutions. You may be able to do this near the end of the conversation, but at the beginning, focus on listening. Avoid Say instead “You’re just gonna feel worse and worse if you stay cooped up all day. You should leave the house and get some exercise. That will help clear your head.” “It’s okay to cry, we all have those days. Just let it out.” “Well, if Lucy’s still angry with you, the first thing to do is explain your side of things.” “Tell me what’s wrong. I’m here to listen to you.”