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Kateri Berasi, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Kateri Berasi is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder of Transcendent Self, PLLC, a group therapy practice offering affirmative, collaborative, and intentional care, based in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with adults from the LGBTQIA+ community and creative industries through individual therapy, couples counseling, group therapy, and costume therapy. She holds a BA in Psychology, Art History, and French Language and Literature from George Washington University and an MA and MEd in Mental Health Counseling from Columbia University. Dr. Berasi also holds a PsyD in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University.

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Forum Comments (8)

What makes people compatible in long-term relationships?
People can have very different interests and still be very compatible. I think a lot of it has to do with a shared alignment of your worldview and values. Mutual respect is also huge in successful relationships.

You also have to like being around one another and feel safe and understood by the other person. That will get you very far.
So apparently I'm self-obsessed
The difference between self-love and self-obsession is tricky. One way of looking at it is, do you find the need to be boastful? Do you find the need to be outward about your love for an audience, or is it just for you? If it's self-love, it doesn't need to be seen by others. Self-obsession comes when you're involving others, even if it's an imaginary audience.

So, something you can think of is, who is the audience here? Who is this for? If no one needs to witness it or know about it for it to feel good and special to you, that's self-love.
How do you deal with people gossiping about you behind your back?
I always recommend talking to the people gossiping directly if it's concerning you. Say to them, “I've heard that this is being communicated about me” or “You've communicated this about me. If you have an issue with me, let's talk about it between the two of us instead of bringing other people into this.” Or, “Listen, if there are any concerns or problems you have with anything involving me, come to me about it. We can work through it or figure it out.”

If a person continues to gossip about you, I wouldn't include them in my life. They're not trustworthy, and no one needs extra drama.
How to make your friend feel better after a breakup?
I always recommend simply letting your friend know, “Hey, I've got your back. I want you to know you can reach out to me at any point and I'm here for you." This helps give them stability and can give them a chance to process without judgment.

There's also an absence of physical intimacy when a relationship ends. So, physical touch — safe, consensual, physical touch, like a hug — might be really welcome and helpful to your friend going through the breakup.

You also, though, as a friend, need to make sure of boundaries. You need to ensure that you're not overgiving and that you are taking care of yourself.
I need help!! (he's getting a little bit...much)
It seems like you're confused by Nathan (rightfully so), and this confusion is causing a lack of a feeling of stability and security in the relationship as a result.

I'd recommend trying to have a gentle conversation with Nathan and say, "I experience you this way during the day and totally different at night.", Then, see how they respond.

Perhaps Nathan will have reasons, like "Yes, during the daytime, I have to do XYZ with my job. Then at night, I'm so worn out that sometimes I'm kind of snippy." If they can explain, and you think their reasons are ones you want to live with, then it's likely still a good match. If not, then I wouldn't stay.

We can't force people to change. There's no guarantee of them changing and trying to get them to fundamentally change is likely going to cause consternation and pain. So, can you accept them as they are right now? If not, it's time to move on.
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