How to Manage Overconfidence, From Yourself or Someone Else

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Learn how to be confident without going overboard
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Confidence can get you far, but overconfidence can send you right off the deep end. As the kids say, you gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself. But how exactly do you check yourself? How do you know when you’re being confident, versus when you’re being overconfident? We talked to life coach Seth Hall to help you keep your confidence in check, as well as how to deal with someone else’s overconfidence.

Handling Overconfidence

Be wary of your own confidence, and ask yourself if you’ve earned that confidence. Ask yourself what the possible consequences are if you do something wrong. Listen to other people when they offer advice or criticism, and do your own research before attempting something risky.

Section 1 of 3:

Keeping Your Confidence in Check

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  1. Sometimes, we feel confident in our knowledge or abilities because we watched a quick YouTube video and figured it’s not that hard, or that there’s not too much to know. But when you ask questions and do a little more research, you start to understand that there’s a lot more to it than what you know already, which is a humbling experience that keeps your confidence in check . [1]
    • For example, even just looking at the Wikipedia page for something like international trade or rock climbing, or internet searching how to fix that weird problem with your car, can show you how complex it is, and how much more you have to learn.
  2. 2
    Downplay your own skills. Give yourself some room to breathe on your commitments. When you tell someone you will do something, don’t verbalize how confident you are. [2] Instead, underestimate yourself to set the expectations to a reasonable level. For example, if your boss asks how long a project will take, and you guess it might take 2 days, ask for 3. That way, if you get it done in 2 days, it makes you look good. But if it takes longer than expect, your boss doesn’t know that—to them, it’s taking exactly as long as you said it would.
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  3. Ask yourself if other people might be right about your skills. Hall says it’s important to “hear what people have to say” and asking yourself if you “can grow from this.” It’s true that not every critic is right, or knows what they’re talking about, but even criticism that misses the mark might have a nugget of truth in it. When someone offers advice or feedback, hear them out , then ask yourself if it’s valuable advice before you move forward. And if you trust or admire the person, give their criticism a little more thought than usual.
    • For example, if someone tells you that the meal you cooked tastes a little odd, even if you followed the recipe exactly, ask yourself (or them) why they say that. It could be that the recipe could still be improved, even beyond what’s written down.
  4. 4
    Stop comparing yourself to others. You might look around a room and see other people doing a bad job at something and think, “Well, I’m definitely better than them,” but you don’t know that for sure. Hall tells us that overconfidence is a lot like arrogance. On the flip side, just because someone else can easily do something doesn’t mean you can do it just as easily. They likely have lots of practice and experience that you still need.
    • Also, just because it looks like someone is struggling, it doesn’t mean you can do it better. There’s probably lots of hurdles they’re running into that you’d also struggle with once you tried it.
    • Instead, ask yourself why someone else might be struggling or succeeding, and how you can use that example to approach the problem yourself.
  5. Sometimes, we feel pressured to have an opinion before we know all the facts, and that leads to overconfidence. But if you’re still learning about something, digesting it, or thinking it over, it’s okay to admit that you don’t know what you think just yet, and that you’re still figuring it out. [3]
    • For example, you might say, “I’m still thinking about the best way to do this. Maybe you could help me?”
    • Or, “I’m not sure what the answer is. Let me look into it more and see if I can figure it out.”
  6. 6
    Foster self-awareness, and second-guess yourself. Hall tells us the antidote to overconfidence is self-awareness and self-reflection. When you feel confident in something, take a moment to ask yourself why you feel confident, and if that confidence is justified. Is it just that you trust yourself to “figure it out?” If that’s your answer, you may want to reconsider.
    • On the other hand, if you’ve had a lot of practice, have a solid education, or have accomplished the task before, then you’re probably right to be confident—you’ve earned it.
    • Also ask yourself if there are serious consequences for doing something wrong. Sometimes, a little fear is a healthy thing, and can make you pause before you do something dangerous.
  7. Don’t go straight to the deep end to see if you can swim. Come at the problem a little at a time, and assess your progress as you go. That way, you’re not going all-or-nothing on a high-stakes project. Instead, you can examine your own ability, and see what needs improving. [4]
    • For example, before you volunteer to look after a friend’s kids, you might ask to spend some time with them first while the parents are around, so you get to know the challenges you might face before you go it alone.
  8. 8
    Learn from your past mistakes. When you’re confident, it can hurt to fall short, but that’s just an opportunity to do better in the future. Not only will this help you accurately assess your skill, it will help you pinpoint areas you need to work on in the future. Real masters aren’t always perfect, they just learn from the times they were less than perfect. [5]
    • Hall tells us that journaling and reflecting on your abilities can be a great resource. At the end of the day, try writing about what you accomplished so you can see where you did well and what needs improvement. Take that self assessment seriously, as it can be extremely helpful.
  9. It’s easy to let your goals trick you into thinking you’ve already arrived, when you’ve still got a ways to go. [6] It’s okay to dream big, and visualizing those goals is great for motivation, but don’t let your mind start mixing up where you’re at with where you want to be. Enjoy the journey, and trust that you’ll get there when you’re ready.
    • Set a goal , then set smaller goals along the way to break your journey up into more bite-sized pieces.
    • That said, celebrate your successes! If you accomplish a smaller goal, reward yourself with a treat to keep you going.
  10. 10
    Keep trying new things to keep yourself humble. When you participate in lots of different hobbies and disciplines, you’re always learning something new and starting from scratch, which is a great way to remind yourself that you don’t know everything. Find something you don’t know much about, then start learning about it, and keep doing this over and over again.
  11. You don’t have to be good at everything! If you were, life probably wouldn’t be very exciting, would it? We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we’re all learning to work within them and overcome them. Take satisfaction in that fact, and see the beauty in it. It’ll humble you , but it’ll also make you appreciate your own skills so much more.
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Section 2 of 3:

Handling an Overconfident Person

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  1. It’s tempting to tell someone off or try to knock them down a peg, but this can have the opposite effect of making them more determined to prove you wrong. Instead, make gentle suggestions to steer them in the right direction. That way, you’re helping them slip into a growth mindset , which Hall says is crucial.
    • For example, instead of, “You’re not skilled enough for this,” say, “I know you’re eager to tackle this, so let’s set you up for success. Here’s what I want to see this time…”
  2. 2
    Ask them to do something that’s lower-stakes, but challenging. Sometimes, it takes a little failure, or at least a challenge, to get someone to realize that they’re in over their head. [7] Before they do something rash, challenge them to do something less important, but still challenging. Chances are, they’ll learn a thing or two, including the fact that they need to learn more before they’re ready.
    • For example, if your friend says they want to snowboard for the first time, you might agree and let them try going down a gentle slope before they hop onto a ski lift.
  3. Often, subtly challenging their confidence is more effective than outright telling them they’re wrong. [8] Start asking them questions about the topic, and reach for more difficult questions. Either they’ll realize that they’re out of their own depth, or they’ll grasp for uncertain or incorrect answers, and that’s when you can correct them.
    • For example, if a friend wants to paint a house with no experience, you might ask, “How many coats do we need?” “What kind of brush should we use?” “Is there a best way to stroke the brush?” “How long does it need to dry?”
    • You might not know the answers yourself, so ask them to answer it in written form, so you can double-check what they say with your own research later.
  4. 4
    Put your foot down if they’re doing something dangerous. Overconfidence can lead to serious problems. [9] Sometimes, it can even be dangerous, like when someone is attempting a risky stunt or doing something that could put others at risk. In these cases, it’s best to be clear and direct about your concerns, and the possible consequences of their actions.
    • For example, you might say, “Using power tools without proper training could be lethal. If you keep doing this, I’m going to tell the boss.”
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Section 3 of 3:

What causes overconfidence?

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  1. Overconfidence is usually caused by insecurity or a lack of experience. Of course, it’s a personal thing, and each person is different. Usually, though, overconfidence is caused by ignorance. When something looks easy, but you don’t actually know how it works, your brain tricks you into thinking it is easy. But when someone makes something look easy, it’s because they’ve been doing it for a long, long time. [10]
    • On the other hand, some overconfident people just can’t accept that they might not be able to do something, so their insecurity causes them to overcompensate, or act more confident than they actually are.

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What's wrong with overconfidence?
    Seth Hall
    Life Coach
    Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.
    Seth Hall
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Overconfidence is akin to arrogance. It is almost like competence at the expense of other people and it doesn't really make you attain real happiness because it doesn't foster healthy relationships.
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      Tips

      • Don't let friends pump you up to try something you are unprepared for. If you start to climb the ladder and have doubts, back up and reconsider.
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      • Try working with a coach or a therapist to take a look inwards and discover where that feeling of overconfidence stems from. This can help you a great deal!
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      • Ask a few different friends what they think you could improve in your life. If you hear the same answer more than once, try working on it! If you only hear different things, then you have even more to be humble about and to work on.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/people-planet-profits/202411/the-overconfidence-trap
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201910/the-pitfalls-overconfidence
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/people-planet-profits/202411/the-overconfidence-trap
      4. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220812-the-illusion-of-knowledge-that-makes-people-overconfident
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200902/fear-failure
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201910/the-pitfalls-overconfidence
      7. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103115300135
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201312/what-s-the-best-way-handle-know-it-all
      9. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220812-the-illusion-of-knowledge-that-makes-people-overconfident
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/people-planet-profits/202411/the-overconfidence-trap

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