Give me some good roast lines
Looking for the best lines to roast my friends and family please, can be brutal or more playful as long as they're funny! thank you in advance!
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For a complete guide to this topic, read the wikiHow article 160+ Good Roasts to Burn Your Friends & Family Members
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Here are some funny but savage roasts. Use them carefully and make sure everyone knows it's all fun and games.
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- Your opinion is almost as bad as your eyebrows.
- You are as useless as a concrete parachute.
- You're like Rapunzel, but instead of letting down your hair, you've let down everyone in your life.
- You've got the IQ of wet cardboard.
- You smell like hotdog water.
- If laziness were a competition, you’d come in second because you’d be too lazy to compete.
- You skipped the “being normal” gene.
- When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. I figured it’s smart to prepare ahead of time.
- You look like a “before” photo.
- Even your hairline wants nothing to do with that face.
- There’s someone out there for everyone. For you, that’s a therapist.
my two go-to's..
-at least my iq test didn't come back negative
-everyone brings me joy: for many people it's when they enter my life, for you it's when you leave it :)
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-at least my iq test didn't come back negative
-everyone brings me joy: for many people it's when they enter my life, for you it's when you leave it :)
When they tell you to shut up, say you first, or I can't wait until 10 seconds from now, when I'm not talking to you.
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bruh,those are the best.but i also have one;your roasts are so bad,there antynoms of mr. cleans bald head
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- I'd challenge you to a battle of wits but I see you've come unarmed.
- Your disapproval means nothing to me; I've seen what makes you cheer.
- I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.
- You're like a cloud. When you disappear it's a beautiful day.
- I've seen salads dressed better than you.
- You're the reason we have instructions on shampoo bottles.
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- Your disapproval means nothing to me; I've seen what makes you cheer.
- I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.
- You're like a cloud. When you disappear it's a beautiful day.
- I've seen salads dressed better than you.
- You're the reason we have instructions on shampoo bottles.
Lol the wits battle one is good here's one
-Be thankful the grade system doesn't go down to"Z"
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-Be thankful the grade system doesn't go down to"Z"
-Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
-You are more depressing than an unsalted pretzel.
-I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
-You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
-You're so annoying you make happy meals cry.
-Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
-Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
-Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either.
-If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
-You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
-Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
-I believed in evolution until I met you.
-I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.
-I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
-I’d give you a nasty look, but it seems you’ve already got one.
-Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
-If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.
-I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch
-Everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing the privilege.
-Why don't you check out eBay and see if they have a life for sale?
-Don’t try to think too hard. You’re so stupid it might sprain your brain.
-How much of a refund do you expect on your head, since it’s empty?
WARNING: very dark roast:
-Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for instance.
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-You are more depressing than an unsalted pretzel.
-I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
-You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
-You're so annoying you make happy meals cry.
-Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
-Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
-Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either.
-If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
-You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
-Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
-I believed in evolution until I met you.
-I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.
-I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
-I’d give you a nasty look, but it seems you’ve already got one.
-Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
-If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.
-I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch
-Everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing the privilege.
-Why don't you check out eBay and see if they have a life for sale?
-Don’t try to think too hard. You’re so stupid it might sprain your brain.
-How much of a refund do you expect on your head, since it’s empty?
WARNING: very dark roast:
-Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for instance.
I have some roasts that'll make you want to die in a hole. Number 1: I would explain what I just said to you, but I don't have the patience or the crayons to help you understand. Number 2: I don't have the energy to pretend that I like you today. Number 3: I'm not saying you're fat, but it looks like you were poured into your clothes and someone forgot to say 'when'. Anyways, hope you have fun!
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- You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
- You've got the perfect face for radio.
- If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
- Is your mind on vacation?
- You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.
- You're not a complete idiot...some parts are missing.
- You have the charm of a wet sponge.
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- You've got the perfect face for radio.
- If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
- Is your mind on vacation?
- You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.
- You're not a complete idiot...some parts are missing.
- You have the charm of a wet sponge.
i got 2 dont judge ones a your mom joke
-them:ur ugly me: im sorry whoever said i was a mirror was wrong
-ur mom is so fat that when she jumped in the ocean... then either say there was no more water or say the whales started singing we are family
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-them:ur ugly me: im sorry whoever said i was a mirror was wrong
-ur mom is so fat that when she jumped in the ocean... then either say there was no more water or say the whales started singing we are family
Ok. Challenge accepted.
You wanna hear a good joke? Your life.
If I wanted to die, I would climb up your ego jump down to your IQ.
I’d slap you, but I don’t want to make -your face better/my hands dirty-.
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You wanna hear a good joke? Your life.
If I wanted to die, I would climb up your ego jump down to your IQ.
I’d slap you, but I don’t want to make -your face better/my hands dirty-.
I got good ones:
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain
I'm glad you're bigger, it gives me more of you to dislike
Uno reverse psychology no comebacks
That's all I have so I hope you like them!
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Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain
I'm glad you're bigger, it gives me more of you to dislike
Uno reverse psychology no comebacks
That's all I have so I hope you like them!
1. You have a face that would make onions cry.
2. I look at you and think, “Two billion years of evolution, for this?”
3. I am jealous of all the people that have never met you.
4. I consider you my sun. Now please get 93 million miles away from here.
5. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
6. You're not simply a drama queen/king. You're the whole royal family.
7. I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
8. You are the human version of cramps.
9. You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
10. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on Earth.
11. Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
12. Don't worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
13. I love what you've done with your hair. How'd you get it to come out of your nose like that?
14. I never forget a person’s face, but I’ll be happy to make an exception in your situation.
15. Mirrors can't talk. Lucky for you, they can't laugh either.
16. When you were born, the doctors probably threw you out of the window, but the window threw you back.
17. Were you born this dumb, or did you have to take lessons?
18. Have a nice day…elsewhere.
19. If you were any more inbred, you'd be a sandwich
20. Every time I have a stick in my hand, you start to look more and more like a piñata.
21. Everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing the privilege.
22. Let's play horse. I'll be the front, and you can be yourself.
23. I didn't mean to offend you, but I'll take the additional perk.
24. If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
26. You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
27. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm not feeling a connection.
28. If I was on a deserted island with you and a tin of corned beef, I’d rather eat you and talk to the corned beef.
29. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only did that behind my back.
30. I'd smack you, but I'm against animal abuse.
31. I don't dislike you, but if you were drowning, I'd give you a high-five.
32. It's hilarious how you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
33. I don't want to rain on your parade! I'd rather summon a typhoon.
34. Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.
35. You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring…by leaving the room.
36. When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. I figure it’s smart to give myself a head start.
37. If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.
38. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.
39. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo bottles.
40. You're so annoying, you could make a Happy Meal cry.
41. “I'm not saying you're ugly, but if you were a scarecrow, birds would avoid you.”
42. You should really come with a warning label.
43. Honey, the only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.
44. Earth is full. Go somewhere else.
45. The people who tolerate you daily are the real heroes.
46. I told my therapist about you. She didn't believe me.
47. Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I’m sorry for it.
48. You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
49. How many licks 'till I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
50. Why are you rolling your eyes? Looking for your brain?
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2. I look at you and think, “Two billion years of evolution, for this?”
3. I am jealous of all the people that have never met you.
4. I consider you my sun. Now please get 93 million miles away from here.
5. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
6. You're not simply a drama queen/king. You're the whole royal family.
7. I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
8. You are the human version of cramps.
9. You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
10. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on Earth.
11. Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
12. Don't worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
13. I love what you've done with your hair. How'd you get it to come out of your nose like that?
14. I never forget a person’s face, but I’ll be happy to make an exception in your situation.
15. Mirrors can't talk. Lucky for you, they can't laugh either.
16. When you were born, the doctors probably threw you out of the window, but the window threw you back.
17. Were you born this dumb, or did you have to take lessons?
18. Have a nice day…elsewhere.
19. If you were any more inbred, you'd be a sandwich
20. Every time I have a stick in my hand, you start to look more and more like a piñata.
21. Everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing the privilege.
22. Let's play horse. I'll be the front, and you can be yourself.
23. I didn't mean to offend you, but I'll take the additional perk.
24. If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
26. You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
27. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm not feeling a connection.
28. If I was on a deserted island with you and a tin of corned beef, I’d rather eat you and talk to the corned beef.
29. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only did that behind my back.
30. I'd smack you, but I'm against animal abuse.
31. I don't dislike you, but if you were drowning, I'd give you a high-five.
32. It's hilarious how you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
33. I don't want to rain on your parade! I'd rather summon a typhoon.
34. Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.
35. You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring…by leaving the room.
36. When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. I figure it’s smart to give myself a head start.
37. If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.
38. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.
39. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo bottles.
40. You're so annoying, you could make a Happy Meal cry.
41. “I'm not saying you're ugly, but if you were a scarecrow, birds would avoid you.”
42. You should really come with a warning label.
43. Honey, the only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.
44. Earth is full. Go somewhere else.
45. The people who tolerate you daily are the real heroes.
46. I told my therapist about you. She didn't believe me.
47. Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I’m sorry for it.
48. You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
49. How many licks 'till I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
50. Why are you rolling your eyes? Looking for your brain?
here is one for if some one calls you ugly "want to see ugly then look in the mirror
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I've got one now about were you born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen
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Roses are red, violets are blue, if god made everyone beautiful, then what the hell happened to you?
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This one is if they say "Ew" you can say 'I bet that was what ur mama said when she gave birth to an ugly looking guacamole
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you're my sun. now get 93 million miles away from here
oh im sorry, i didnt realize you had a phd in my life
you're the reason gene pools need lifeguards
have a good day... elsewhere
ive heard worse from better
calling you stupid would be an insult to all stupid people
hold on im trying to imagine you having a personality
nice story but in which chapter do you shut up in
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oh im sorry, i didnt realize you had a phd in my life
you're the reason gene pools need lifeguards
have a good day... elsewhere
ive heard worse from better
calling you stupid would be an insult to all stupid people
hold on im trying to imagine you having a personality
nice story but in which chapter do you shut up in
Say this to someone who says "You're *negative adj*:
I guess I have a teammate now./Have you ever considered it's opposite day today?/Thanks for making me your twin!
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I guess I have a teammate now./Have you ever considered it's opposite day today?/Thanks for making me your twin!
ok guys I have one
how about...
1. why are you rolling your eyes? Looking for your brain?
2.a glowstick has a brighter future that you
3.your so fake you make barbie jealous.
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how about...
1. why are you rolling your eyes? Looking for your brain?
2.a glowstick has a brighter future that you
3.your so fake you make barbie jealous.
-Your mother was fined for littering/not putting her dog on a leash because she took you out to the park
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your just like repunzal but instead of letting ur hair down u let ur beauty down
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Do you guys know the one the goes like this how do your friends deal with you oh right you don’t have any
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Clap back real quick-Fake ones like YOU? Nah, I'm good. I'm not accepting applications at this time. Or I'm reviewing the newest round of applicants.
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got some, 1, "if your mom could walk she would be happy but God said no" 2, "I bet you're happy you have emotions because you won't after this". that's all
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I got one Are you a frog because I say you sitting on that log. And You were cracking
Or I thought we paid for Pest control Because there's still a pest right here.
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Or I thought we paid for Pest control Because there's still a pest right here.
K, here's a rude one, careful who you say it too, a bully said it to me once:
"You're the reason God created the middle finger."
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"You're the reason God created the middle finger."
I've got some too(I hope there isn't any repetition)
•If someone pours water in your ear, there would be something at least
•When sb insults you, you reply:
-Well I'm not a mirror, unless like you.
But for you that would be а compliment
•If you jumped into landfield, that would be an upgrade
•I'm soo sorry....
For your mum
•If they tell you
-Who asked?
You reply:
-You, literally 2 seconds ago
•I'm surprised you know that word, actually I'm surprised you know any word
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•If someone pours water in your ear, there would be something at least
•When sb insults you, you reply:
-Well I'm not a mirror, unless like you.
But for you that would be а compliment
•If you jumped into landfield, that would be an upgrade
•I'm soo sorry....
For your mum
•If they tell you
-Who asked?
You reply:
-You, literally 2 seconds ago
•I'm surprised you know that word, actually I'm surprised you know any word
Not gonna lie, I think the best roast is just not bothering to come up with one because it'd likely fly over their head anyway. Why waste your time?
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Roses are red violets are blue 2+2= 5 and 5+4= 9 oh wait I made a mistake when I look at you I can’t even think straight
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I'm looking for comebacks to basically "Put your book down." that are not mean, but will also get this guy to leave me alone. He is in no position of authority, but I don't want to become the bully. Any ideas?
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a little mean, but this one is a good one
-Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah, that's now.
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-Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah, that's now.
Here is a good one: bro, your mom is so dumb she bought a spoon to the super bowl
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ur so fat that when they took a photo of you and hung it on the wall, the wall fell down
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Got one: Your mom so fat that when she gets in an elevator, it goes down every time
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How about "if you had the iq of a crayon box, you would be smarter"
"feel lucky the grading system doesn't go down to Z"
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"feel lucky the grading system doesn't go down to Z"
I have one: If someone calls you ugly, just respond with "Oh, sorry, I was trying to look like you today"
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bro these are amazing my favorite is probably "Your the reason there is instructions on toothpaste" hilarious !
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yall-i've been listening to all these roasts-lets say, this is more funnier then my own friends
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roses are red violets are blue god made everyone beautiful well... i guess he forgot about you
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If someone say's 'shut up' to you just say " I don't shut up I grow up, and when I see your face I throw up" it will leave them stunned😏
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If someone say's 'shut up' to you just say " I don't shut up I grow up, and when I see your face I throw up" it will leave them stunned😏
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