How to Accept A Colleague's Criticism

Criticism from a colleague can be difficult to stomach, whether it’s intended to help (or hurt) you. While it’s normal to feel defensive, stay in control of your own emotions before you respond. Seek additional information and ask for specific examples. Try to gain something from the criticism, even if you feel like the comment was invalid. If you have a problem with this person or their comments, talk to them about it or seek the help of a manager.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Responding to Their Comments

  1. Defensiveness will only cloud your judgment, making it more difficult for you to identify the defining characteristics of your colleague's criticism. Remember that their criticism isn’t a personal attack. See their comments merely as their own observations and assume that they’re coming from a good place. [1]
    • You might feel defensive at first, but remind yourself it’s not personal. Be willing to see things from their perspective.
  2. Take some time to process the criticism. It is natural to have an emotional reaction to judgment, even if that judgment comes in the form of constructive criticism. Therefore, in order to accept criticism and handle it effectively, you should give yourself some time to reflect on what was said. Take the opportunity as a chance for growth. [2]
    • Don’t feel pressured to respond right away. Say, “Thank you” and walk away.
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  3. Whether you’re speaking or listening to their critique, try to stay calm. Even if you feel defensive, using a calm state of mind can help you from saying something that could potentially backfire or hurt you in the future. Staying calm helps you listen and produce a logical response instead of an emotional response. [3]
    • Before you react, take a few deep breaths to lower your heart rate and feel more centered.
  4. Regardless of whether or not you agree with the criticism, letting the speaker know that you received the message lays the groundwork for resolution and, ultimately, accepting criticism. It removes the power from the speaker and makes you accountable for handling the criticism in your own way. [4]
    • Say, “I hear what you’re saying. You’d like me to complete tasks on deadline.”
  5. You might start to question every move you make after receiving criticism. This can fuel a vicious cycle and keep you from performing well or doing good work because you’re concerned that it’s not good enough. When you notice yourself engaging your negative thoughts, ask yourself if it’s true, important and helpful. If not, then try to replace your negative thoughts with more positive ones. [5]
    • Notice your negative thoughts and label them as negative. Then, challenge yourself to have a more positive thought. For example, if you think, “They will just return my report back and tell me it’s awful again,” ask yourself how many times this has happened. When they return a report to you, is it to help you improve?
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Gaining Clarity and Understanding

  1. Be sure that you understand what they’re saying. If you’re unclear about anything, ask questions. If you’re unsure, ask them to clarify what they’re saying so that you can be clear in your understanding.
    • For example, say, “I’m not sure what you’re saying. Can you repeat that?” Or you can say, “Can you clarify that, please?”
  2. Some people are more than willing to give criticism but don’t know how to give advice. If your colleague is quick to criticize, immediately follow up by asking them how to improve. This information is often much more helpful. This can also signal that you’re willing to improve and want direction. [6]
    • For example, say, “I hear your feedback, but I’m wondering how you think I can improve.”
  3. If you feel like the criticism is a total surprise, ask them for some examples. If they are only speaking in generalities, take it with a grain of salt. Asking for examples can help you gain clarity on your work or your behavior and what needs to change. [7]
    • Say, “I hear what you’re saying. Can you tell me about an example of a time I did this?”
  4. Any time you receive criticism, it is important that you handle it in a way that leads to closure. Truthful criticism provides a perspective that prompts you to grow. Take a few moments and reflect on their words. Even if they are hurtful, there can be something for you to gain from their criticism.
    • Destructive criticism is intended to demean, or manipulate emotions. Criticism from colleagues is destructive when it is presented in a disrespectful manner, and when it lacks substance in regards to how you may improve. Disregard destructive criticism.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Moving Forward

  1. Say thank you . Even if the criticism was unhelpful or misdirected, thank your colleague. It’ll keep the situation from escalating and show you respect them. Plus, your friendliness might catch some colleagues off guard, winning you a few unlikely allies. [8]
    • Say, “Thanks for your input. I’ll take it into account.”
  2. You might be at a loss for words or need some time to reflect on their comments. That’s okay. If you’re stunned or just not in a place to talk about it, agree to meet again to discuss their criticism. This can give you time to digest what they said and formulate some questions or comments for them. [9]
    • Set up a time within the next few days to discuss it further. Bring your own questions and concerns to the meeting.
  3. Even if you disagree with the criticism or find it harsh, walk away with something positive. You may find that you need to work more cooperatively, watch your comments, or share less about your personal life.
    • Even if you find the comments offensive or hurtful, try to find something you’ve learned as a result of the criticism and use it for self improvement.
    • If a colleague told you, “Your articles are boring and redundant,” you could interpret this positively as, “I need to add creativity and variation to my writing.”
  4. If there’s a colleague who tends to give feedback when it’s not warranted, talk to them about it. Some people don’t know how to communicate well, keep opinions to themselves, or use tact. If there’s someone who consistently cuts down your work, it might be worth it to confront them about their behavior. [10]
    • Say, “I feel like you say negative things toward me and my work and I don’t appreciate it. Please stop.”
    • If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them one-on-one, ask for a mediator or talk to your manager about their behavior.
  5. If you feel like the criticism is unjust or a form of bullying, talk to someone higher up. Some people bully others to make their work seem better or because they’re threatened by you. If this is what’s happening, tell someone. This kind of behavior should not be acceptable in the workplace, especially if it’s harassing and unwarranted. [11]
    • You may want to talk to the person first. Say something like, “I don't find your comments helpful. In fact, they feel harmful and I don’t see a need for them. Please don’t talk to me that way.”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you give a critical employee constructive feedback?
    Lauren Krasny
    Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
    Lauren Krasny is a Leadership and Executive Coach and the Founder of Reignite Coaching, her professional and personal coaching service based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She also currently coaches for the LEAD Program at Stanford University Graduate School of Business and is a former Digital Health Coach for Omada Health and Modern Health. Lauren received her coaching training from the Coach Training Institute (CTI). She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Michigan.
    Lauren Krasny
    Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach
    Expert Answer
    The best way to give constructive feedback is to start with something positive. Comment on how you've noticed the employee's hard work or how you appreciate their work on a project. Then, slowly move into the feedback. Once you've finished providing feedback, make another positive comment to ensure that you finish on a high note.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/250304
      2. ↑ https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702303753904577452330484680636
      3. ↑ https://www.edcc.edu/counseling/documents/Conflict.pdf
      4. ↑ https://www.edcc.edu/counseling/documents/Conflict.pdf
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201305/stop-fighting-your-negative-thoughts
      6. ↑ Lauren Krasny. Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach. Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-take-criticism-well-1403046866
      8. ↑ Lauren Krasny. Executive, Strategic, & Personal Coach. Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.
      9. ↑ https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-take-criticism-well-1403046866
      1. ↑ http://www.lni.wa.gov/Safety/Research/Files/Bullying.pdf
      2. ↑ http://www.lni.wa.gov/Safety/Research/Files/Bullying.pdf

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