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Most men want to be a ladies' man. When you are a ladies' man you get more attention, dates, and intimacy than the average guy. Most guys aren’t at this point, but with a few pointers, you could be the center of women’s attention. Be someone who owns the situation, makes women laugh, and has confidence, and you’ll be on your way to success with women.
Steps
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Make her laugh. [1] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. Research shows a humorous man is a desired man. It’s theorized a sense of humor is an evolutionary sign of attractiveness because being humorous requires intelligence. Some tests have shown making a woman laugh improves your odds by nearly three to one. [2] X Research source If you make a lady laugh, you’re golden.- Try listening to some comedians, taking their material, and fitting it to your personal situation. [3] X Research source
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Be self-deprecating. Making her laugh is a great way to win her over, but making her laugh at your expense shows great confidence. It might be best to let her get to know you before trying this type of humor. Once she knows you are confident, she will certainly know you are joking when you use self-deprecating jokes. The trick to being self-deprecating is to make her laugh without believing how you just put yourself down. You don’t mean it, and she doesn’t believe it. [4] X Research source
- "I have the body of a football player — fantasy football."
- "I walk two miles a day. One to the donut shop, and one home."
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Compliment women regularly. [5] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. Guys who have compliments readily available are ready for any situation. Finding the right time to unleash the perfect compliment can flip a switch in another’s mind from disinterested to piqued. Avoid cheesy pickup lines and go for something unique and specific to her that will attract her attention. Keep trying and you’ll eventually find the right type of compliment that wins women over. [6] X Research source- Use an uncommon word. Instead of beautiful, use “stunning.”
- "The confidence you exude is really sexy."
- "You really know a lot about this subject. You must be very intelligent."
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Improve your charm. Being charming is not that difficult. In fact, some argue the average man can be a ladies' man and just as charming as any other. Truly being charming is about paying attention to a woman, and turning her on based upon that shared connection.
- Being able to intelligently converse with a woman is a huge turn on. Learn her keys, what she likes to hear, and time your replies to let her know you're really inside her head.
- Be genuinely interested in her. Ask her about her likes, dislikes, family, travel plans, dreams, etc.
- Show your vulnerabilities. Many women are self-conscious, and it's comforting to see a man that has own flaws. [7] X Research source
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Show presence. When you are around others you need presence. You need to grab attention. One way to do this is to take up a larger or higher space. Being larger and higher instinctively conveys strength. Additionally, it has an impact on boosting testosterone levels. [10] X Research source Try a few of the following techniques to convey the image that will draw the right attention:
- Practice good posture. Aside from positive health benefits, looking taller and more confident shows a degree of control. [11] X Research source
- Stand with your arms a little wider than normal, or with your hands on your hips.
- Keep your arms and legs uncrossed. Crossing your arms and legs gives off a timid vibe. Uncross, remain relatively still and try not to revert back into bad habits of looking defensive. [12] X Research source
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Make a grand entrance. You want to be noticed. Being the center of attention, even if for a brief moment, is key to gaining the eyes of the women in the room. Take your time upon entering by pausing at the entrance where everyone can see you. [13] X Research source
- Arrive on time. Being fashionably late is not really preferred. You don’t want to appear to be someone who is disorganized and not in control.
- Make the entrance fit the situation. There is a fine line between getting everyone’s attention and being narcissistic.
- Look like wherever you are is the place you’re most happy. If people believe you’re excited about the situation, your positive vibe will rub off. [14] X Research source
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Do not fidget. Moving around a lot gives off an uncertain or nervous appearance. It also distracts from your overall effort of being suave and attention-getting. Instead, the attention will be on the fidgety movement. Find your crutch and try to stop doing it. [15] X Research source
- Avoid biting your nails.
- Don’t pop your knuckles.
- Try not to tap toes or wiggle feet.
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Dress to impress. Some research has shown that simply dressing up leads to an increase in perceived attractiveness. Choose clothing that accentuates your features and lines, something that makes you look more muscular. Try a few of the following tips to step your clothing game up:
- Utilize fewer upper layers if you have a muscular build, and multiple layers if you're on the slender side.
- Take good care of your shoes, and match them to your choice of attire.
- Add in nice accessories, like a watch, pocket square, or tie clip to draw extra attention.
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Give kind gestures at unexpected times. [16] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. Randomly displaying affection is a surprising way to show her you care. Whether it’s a flirtatious pinch, a kiss, a shoulder rub, or a late night phone call, she’ll appreciate that you’re always thinking about her.- Make it a point to pull out her chair somewhere unexpected and goofy, like a fast food restaurant.
- Ask her if she needs help with anything heavy, or any other way to show your strength.
- Buy her a small chocolate or treat when she’s having a bad day.
- A card with words of encouragement would be a perfect “thinking of you”-move on a day she has a big test.
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Be a flirt . Be a sexual person and flirt whenever you can. [17] X Research source To flirt appropriately you’ll need to be witty. Women enjoy a clever back-and-forth. Flirting is partially teasing and partially showing you’re attracted. Try a few approaches similar to the ones below:
- Make it clear that you’re being purposefully goofy, "If you had to choose between me and Brad Pitt, how quickly would you choose me?"
- Break the touch barrier
. [18]
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Expert Source
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. A gentle squeeze of the arm, a swipe of the hair, do something subtle and surprising.
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Hug and kiss at appropriate times. If hugging makes you feel uncomfortable, try a side hug. If you feel more brazen, try a firm hug with a squeeze, or maybe a peck on the cheek. Watch for signals, like winking, biting of the lip, or if she stares at your lips. Pull her in close and slowly kiss her, but be sure you’ve got fresh breath and aren’t too aggressive. [19] X Research source
- Make eye contact as you’re going in for the kiss.
- Don’t make it too long. Make it long enough to be memorable, but not exceedingly long.
- Make sure you only kiss her. Don’t use it as an opportunity to touch or grab unnecessarily.
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Be a genuinely nice guy. People are attracted to someone who can make them feel great. It’s scientifically measurable based on the release of dopamine. If you’re able to be the guy who makes others feel appreciated, you’ll draw plenty of attention. Being a guy who is fun to hang around, who makes people feel good about themselves, someone who is everyone’s favorite, is how you single yourself out. [20] X Research source
- At bars, tip well and get to know the servers and bartenders.
- Learn personal details about doormen and take an active interest in their lives.
- Adjust your response to the other person’s moods. If they’re happy, yuck it up. If they’re down, genuinely show interest in their pain.
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Connect on multiple levels. Show the ladies that you care about them without noting their appearance. It’s not just about being physical. Compliment something other than her looks. You also need to appeal to her emotional and spiritual sides. [21] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019. Get in her head with a multi-faceted approach:- "Your kindness is something that really draws attention."
- "I can’t believe how great a photographer you are!"
- "When I’m around you it makes me want to strive for greatness."
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Take it slow. Don't come on too strong right away. Studies show that if you have the interest of another person, being a little aloof may not make them like you necessarily, but it does make them more likely to pursue you. If she perceives you as a challenge of sorts, she’ll likely want to win you over. Someone who hinges on her every wish is not a challenge. [22] X Research source
- Take your time in conversation with her. Don’t feel like you need to jump at every text message.
- Be slow to show emotion and think about how you really feel. [23] X Research source
- Do for her as much as you want but be sure not to be the guy who jumps at her wishes.
- In order for this to work, you also have to show a certain amount of interest. Women want to gain your favor, not grow frustrated. [24] X Research source
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Listen to her patiently. Being a good listener is a sure-fire way to attract women. [25] X Research source Face her and be attentive. Try to listen to what she’s saying without judging and while trying to empathize. [26] X Research source
- Cease all other activities. Put up your phone and really pay attention.
- Do not interrupt. Listen until the entire message is delivered.
- Rephrase what she just said to show you heard her. [27] X Trustworthy Source Chabad.org Online resource for information related to Chabad-Lubavitch and Jewish culture Go to source Ask follow up questions.
- If you’re teaching her something, try to stay patient.
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Overcome your fears. Bold people capable of tackling any challenge are sexy to women. A guy who can’t do anything and shrinks at the first sense of difficulty is not a man women desire. If meeting women has always been intimidating, overcome your fears and you’ll be a lot closer to being a ladies' man.
- Work on improving your self-confidence in this way by owning the fear and resulting failure. Do not blame others for your lack of action. [28] X Research source
- Imagine yourself meeting women, and when you’d normally fold, picture it going perfectly. They laugh at all your jokes and provocatively reply to all your advances.
- Concentrate on proper breathing. Take deep breaths. Breathe out a little longer than you breathe in, and you’re prone to calm down. [29] X Research source
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Embrace rejection as a learning opportunity. All ladies' men have been turned down multiple times. Get stronger with each step backwards. [30] X Research source Reevaluate your approach, your moves, your words. Instead of focusing on the failure itself, focus on what you can change for a better result the next time. [31] X Research source
- Convince yourself the rejection is really what is best for your future. There are other people out there and you will meet someone who is better suited to you.
- Acknowledge rejection as something you’ve defeated before. This is just the same hurdle.
- Imagine how you could have been good for them. The ways you would have made them happy, laugh, and love you. They made a huge mistake missing out on you. [32] X Research source
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Change up your routine. When you find something that doesn’t work, like a specific outfit, a location, or maybe even the type of woman, try something new. Break out of your routine. What’s more, get pumped up about the change. Motivate and convince yourself the new avenues you’re going to take are going to be successful. [33] X Research source
- Steer clear of women who look like your ex. This is not about proving something to yourself.
- Go outside your comfort zone. You will meet a brand new set of women in places you’ve never been.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat should I do to become more of a ladies' man?Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."When you meet women, strike up casual conversation with them and try throwing in a compliment. Smile and make eye contact with them to give them your full attention.
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References
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://theweek.com/articles/446522/science-sexy-6-things-that-make-irresistible
- ↑ https://www.mensxp.com/dating/dating-tips/2698-7-personality-traits-to-magically-transform-yourself-into-a-ladies-man-.html
- ↑ https://www.askmen.com/grooming/inspiration/7_charm-lessons-from-legendary-ladies-men.html
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.askmen.com/grooming/inspiration/7_charm-lessons-from-legendary-ladies-men.html
- ↑ https://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/secrets-seduction-women-swoon-article-1.1263356
- ↑ https://www.askmen.com/grooming/inspiration/7_charm-lessons-from-legendary-ladies-men.html
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips
- ↑ https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/power-posing-fake-it-until-you-make-it
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips
- ↑ https://etiquette-ny.com/how-to-make-polite-conversation-at-social-functions-the-art-of-initiating-entering-and-gracefully-exiting-conversations/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201403/eight-ways-make-grand-entrance
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/self-confidence/body-language-tips
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/20-qualities-of-men-who-are-great-with-women/
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_top_ten/75_dating_list.html
- ↑ https://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/03/leveling-up-most-attractive-man/
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201403/when-should-you-play-hard-get
- ↑ https://www.idiva.com/photogallery-relationships/10-winning-steps-to-play-hard-to-get/20386
- ↑ https://get-a-wingman.com/how-to-play-hard-to-get-with-a-girl/
- ↑ https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/20-qualities-of-men-who-are-great-with-women/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/#7cc385eb26fb
- ↑ https://www.chabad.org/blogs/blog_cdo/aid/1113950/jewish/How-to-Actively-Listen-to-Your-Spouse.htm
- ↑ https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/20-qualities-of-men-who-are-great-with-women/
- ↑ https://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcome-fear-and-anxiety/
- ↑ https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/20-qualities-of-men-who-are-great-with-women/
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/overcome-pain-rejection/
- ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/dealing-with-rejection_b_3705663.html
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/top-5-ways-to-get-back-in_b_3901033
About This Article
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Being a ladies' man is all about being friendly and a little flirty with women. To become a ladies’ man, be as kind and polite as possible by doing things like opening doors for women and helping them carry things. Tell jokes and be lighthearted to make women laugh, especially if they need cheering up. You should also compliment women to make them feel good about themselves. Avoid cheesy pickup lines, since most women don't appreciate them. Instead, try to get to know them on a more personal level too. Ask them about their interests and find things in common so you can keep the conversation going. For more tips, including how to have confident body language, read on!
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