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Having a partner in school can sometimes distract you from your schoolwork. It is important to let your boyfriend know that while you like hanging out with him, you need some time to study. If you want, you can even study with your boyfriend, so long as you set boundaries for your study sessions. Balancing your romantic life with your school does not need to be difficult, as long as your boyfriend knows what to expect.
Steps
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Tell him you want to focus on your schoolwork. Find a time when you can speak to your boyfriend privately. Do this face to face, not over the phone or text. Make it clear that you want to work on your grades. This does not mean that you are avoiding him. Rather, it shows that you consider your schoolwork to be important too. Be gentle as you tell him this. Do not blame him, but do let him know where your priorities stand.
- You can say, “I really want to hang out with you, but I have to make sure that my grades stay up. I won't be able to hang out every night of the week, but we can still have fun together.”
- It might help to be specific with your boyfriend upfront. For example, at the beginning of the week, say something like, “I have a biology test on Thursday and an English paper due on Friday. I'm going to have to work all week on this.”
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Schedule dates in advance. Your boyfriend may be just as concerned about his schoolwork as you are about yours. Each week, plan ahead of time when you will hang out. Look over each other's schedules, and see what works for you. If you plan ahead, your boyfriend will know that you are not ignoring him and that you still want to spend time together.Advertisement
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Support your boyfriend in his studies. Sometimes, people may get jealous or frustrated when their partners succeed or perform better than they do. [1] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Your boyfriend may be struggling at school himself, and it may make him feel bad to see you so dedicated. The solution to this is to support your boyfriend and to encourage him in his own studies.
- When he is stressed, let him know that you are there for him. Instead of trying to solve his problems, gently comfort him instead. [2] X Research source
- You can suggest, “Hey, maybe once you take your test, we can go see a football game together.” This will give him something to look forward to so that he does not burn out on studying.
- If he struggling with his own grades, offer to help him study. Do not do his homework for him, and don't give him the answers. You can, however, quiz him or proofread his essays.
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Stand your ground. If your boyfriend pushes back, do not give in. He might try to guilt you or plead with you. Be firm but nice. Let him know that you understand how difficult the situation is but that you have to focus on your schoolwork. Do not let him make you feel bad, insecure, or guilty.
- You can say, “If I want to get into college, I have to make good grades” or “If my grades start to slip, my parents won't let me date.”
- If he tries to tell you something like “If you loved me, you'd hang out with me more,” turn it around on him. Say, “If you loved me, you'd want me to do well in school.” If a boy starts using guilt tactics like this, he is trying to manipulate you. This is usually a red flag.
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Cancel plans in advance. If you know that you will have to cancel a date, tell your boyfriend as early as possible, and always try to reschedule it. You should try to avoid canceling plans at the last minute. Do not stand him up without telling him.
- You can say, “I have a history test on Monday. I think I need to study over the weekend. Can we move our movie night to next weekend?”
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Hold study dates. A great way to get your work done and hang out with your boyfriend is to plan study dates. Once or twice a week, do your homework together. Even just reading in the same room can help you bond. If you are struggling with a question, you can ask him for help.
- It can be easy to become distracted during study dates. At the beginning, set a time limit or a boundary with your boyfriend. Say, “I need to study for at least two hours before I can do anything else” or “If I write three pages, maybe we can watch an episode of a TV show together.”
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Quiz each other. If you have a test coming up, you can ask your boyfriend to help you prepare. Make notecards, and ask him to quiz you on the terms. You can also give him your notes, and he can read off questions from them. This makes studying more interactive.
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Put your phone away. Studying is difficult enough without any distractions. If your boyfriend cannot study with you, you may feel tempted to text or message him while you are studying. Let him know that you are working and that you won't be able to talk for a few hours. Put your phone in a drawer or under a pillow. Turn the phone on silent. Once you are done studying, be sure to text your boyfriend to let him know that you can talk again.
- If your boyfriend knows you are studying and still texts you constantly, it could signal a lack of trust on his part. This is especially true if he keeps asking where you are or demands that you pay attention to him. [3] X Research source Have a talk with your boyfriend. You can say, “It's not cool that you keep texting me when I ask you not to. Trust is important in a relationship, and if you can't trust me, this might not work out.”
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Set boundaries. Let your boyfriend know that when you are studying, everything else is off limits. If he tries to pressure you to make out or give him attention, remind him of your responsibilities. Gently tell him that this is important to you and that you would appreciate it if he would let you study.
- Remember your boyfriend does not have to take up your whole life. You can still study and be a good girlfriend. In fact, a good boyfriend is one who understands that you need to work and gives you the time you need to succeed. [4] X Research source
- If your boyfriend becomes angry that you are setting boundaries, it is not your fault. It is his problem. [5] X Research source This is typical of abusive behavior. Even if he is not currently abusive to you, it is a sign that he may be trying to control you.
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Eat lunch together. If you have a lunch period together, you should sit with your boyfriend. Try to bring both of your friend groups together so that it is a social meal. This will let your boyfriend see you every day, even if you are in the middle of your studies.
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Plan your dates for the weekend. It is best not to have a date on a school night. You can plan your dates for Friday night, any time Saturday, or during the day on Sunday. Make sure that these are fun outings where you can do something active and engaging together, such as ice skating or going to the beach. This will liven up your relationship. Try to avoid talking about school or your studies during your date.EXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Consider the impact that a busy schedule can have on a relationship. If your hobbies and interests tend to take over your schedule, be mindful of that impact. Be aware of these trade-offs with your time, so you can learn how to prioritize time with your partner.
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Text when you cannot talk. If you cannot see your boyfriend much during the week, you can still talk to him. While you should not distract yourself while studying, do send him texts throughout the day. A good morning and a good night text are good for letting your boyfriend know that you are thinking about him. After school, ask him how his day went.
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Avoid fighting at school. School is a place for studying. You should try to avoid any romantic conflict while you're at school. If you're annoyed at your boyfriend, ask him if you can talk privately after school, but try not to have a fight in the hallway or cafeteria. This will publicize your argument, and you may not be able to settle the matter maturely while in a public setting. [6] X Research source
- You can also follow the 48 hour rule. If your boyfriend angers you, wait two days. If you're still angry, you can bring it up with him. Otherwise, it might be a minor issue, and you can drop it.
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Tips
- Don't break dates off at the last minute without a good reason.Thanks
- Don't procrastinate and wait until the last minute to study or exams or for essays.Thanks
- Be nice. He is your boyfriend after all. He will be more understanding if you're gentle and clear about the subject.Thanks
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Warnings
- Do not blame your boyfriend for slipping grades. While you may need to focus more on schoolwork, you should not accuse him of being the problem.Thanks
- Don't put too much focus on schoolwork. If you find yourself constantly working it's okay to take a few days off to spend time on other things.Thanks
- If your boyfriend cannot respect your boundaries, he probably does not respect you. You may want to consider breaking up with him.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-a0033769.pdf
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-couples-can-help-each-other-de-stress-and-improve-their-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/respectful-texting-in-a-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201304/if-you-set-boundary-expect-deal-anger
- ↑ https://learningpath.org/articles/Top_10_Tips_for_High_School_Dating.html
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