How to Help an Autistic Family Member Cope with Home Quarantine

Living under quarantine during the coronavirus pandemic isn't easy. The disruption of routine and the possibility of serious illness can make life especially stressful for an autistic loved one. With some patience, forethought, and empathy, you can make a difficult situation a little easier.

Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Explaining the Quarantine

It's important for them to know what's going on, especially if they don't know much about the epidemic.

  1. 1
    Explain why the family is in quarantine. Give an age- and ability-appropriate explanation of what is happening. Accepting the rules of quarantine is easier if they understand why it matters.
    • "There's a bad disease going around right now. We love you and we don't want you to get sick. The doctors say it's good for everyone to stay home for a while to help stop the disease from spreading."
    • "School has closed to help protect everyone from the disease. To help keep our family and our community safe, we are all staying home, except for when Dad does grocery runs by himself."

    Did You Know? Many nonspeaking autistic people can understand everything they hear, even if they don't visibly react. If you aren't sure whether your loved one understands, talk to them anyway. Knowing what's going on makes it less stressful.

  2. 2
    Emphasize ways the family can reduce risk and stay healthy. Many autistic people are prone to anxiety, and a disease outbreak is scary. You can ease their worries by focusing on what they and the rest of the family can do to reduce risk. Talk about how everyone can:
    • Cover coughs and sneezes using an elbow or tissue
    • Wash hands thoroughly (while slowly counting to 20 or singing the chorus of a favorite song)
    • Disinfect surfaces that get touched often
    • Eat lots of fruits and vegetables
    • Avoid going out except to buy food and supplies, grab take-out, or take neighborhood walks
    • Work on touching their faces less often
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  3. 3
    Encourage them to talk to you if they have questions or feelings they want to talk about. A disease outbreak can be confusing and stressful, especially if your loved one is a child. Let them know that you are here for them.
    • Ask them what they think the hardest parts of quarantine will be. Talk about how the family can manage these issues together. [1]
  4. 4
    Remind them to limit news exposure and only trust reliable sources. While a savvier teen or adult may know not to trust rumors or sketchy online sources, many people (autistic or not) may fall prey to fake information and fearmongering. Talk about identifying reliable sources and remind them that sometimes people get confused and say things that aren't true.
    • Even reliable sources can be stressful to read, since the talk of death and language of emergency may be upsetting (especially for literal thinkers). [2]
  5. 5
    Write down the quarantine rules. The autistic person may not be able to keep track of new rules, especially if they're young or forgetful. Write down the rules and put the list somewhere easy to see (such as in their room or on the wall near the door). Example rules might include:
    • Wash your hands right away when you come inside.
    • When outside, don't get close to anyone who doesn't live in our house.
    • Leave someone alone if they say "I need alone time."
    • Try to practice keeping your hands off your face.

    Tip: Social stories about the outbreak are available for free online. [3] [4]

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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Talking About Quarantine

  1. 1
    Do your best to stay calm when talking to children about quarantine and the outbreak. Especially if the autistic person is young or vulnerable to strong emotions, it helps to talk to them when you're calm. [5] This helps them feel calm too.
    • It's okay to label your feelings, like saying "I'm a little sad" or "I'm worried about Grandma, too."
    • You don't have to hide your worst emotions. Just express them when kids aren't in the room.
  2. 2
    Offer practical help to an autistic adult. Stress can be particularly hard-hitting for autistics, so it may be harder for them to manage their responsibilities. See if you can help them take care of what needs to be done. [6]
    • Offer to do the grocery and supply shopping. Coping with crowds, familiar brands being sold out, and other changes at the store can be overwhelming for an autistic person.
    • Ask if they'd like help managing schedules. Your family member may need to cancel appointments and make other schedule revisions. They may feel overwhelmed. Offer to talk it through with them or do some of the tasks (like making phone calls) for them.
  3. 3
    Validate their feelings when they express unhappiness about quarantine. Routines are interrupted, fun events are canceled, people are at risk—this isn't easy for anyone. It can be especially tough for an autistic person who relies on routine. [7] Acknowledging your loved one's feelings can help them process it.
    • "I know it's difficult, not being able to follow your routine and not knowing when things will go back to normal. This is a stressful situation."
    • "Of course you're disappointed. I know how much you were looking forward to the musical, and it stinks that it had to be canceled."
    • "It sounds like you really miss speech therapy. I know you have a lot of fun there. I'm sure they miss you too! We will go back as soon as it's safe to spend time in public."
    • "I can see that you're really worried about Grandpa. I'm worried about him too. Should we do something special for him?"
  4. 4
    Give reality checks if their anxiety is getting the best of them. If your loved one struggles with anxiety, they may start spiraling sometimes. You can offer them comfort and a reality check. Help remind them of ways that your family is handling the crisis.
    • "Even if someone in the family does get sick, they will probably get better. Almost everyone who gets the disease recovers."
    • "We have a plan for what happens if someone gets sick. We'll bring food to their room and designate a bathroom only for sick people. And we'll do video chats and phone calls so nobody will get too lonely."
    • "We're doing a really good job staying home. Only Mom goes out in public, and she sanitizes and washes her hands a ton when she comes home. That's going to keep us pretty safe, so it's unlikely for the disease to reach us."
    • "No, you're not bad for touching your face sometimes. Habits are hard to break. You're not going to be 100% perfect right away. Even doing it 50% less, or stopping right after you start, is much better. Just keep putting your hands on your necklace instead."

    Did You Know? Seeing too much news about a disease can be stressful, both for your loved one and for you. [8] Turn off the news and try to limit time on social media.

  5. 5
    Check in on them from time to time. Handling quarantine can be difficult, both in the transition period and in the long term. Sometimes your loved one will be having a hard time. It's a good idea to talk to them occasionally to see how they're feeling and what could help if they're struggling.
    • "Is now a good time to talk?"
    • "What are the hardest parts of this right now?"
    • "What can you think of that would make this easier?"
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Encouraging Healthy Habits

  1. 1
    Try to follow a typical weekend or home vacation routine while staying home. The more familiar and predictable it feels, the easier it'll be for your loved one. Try to have mealtimes and recurring events (such as homeschool sessions) occur at about the same time each day.
    • A picture schedule can help your autistic loved one visualize what the day is going to look like. [9] This is especially useful if they have homework or homeschool to manage.
  2. 2
    Try checking in that they're still accomplishing their important tasks, especially when quarantine starts. Between executive dysfunction and interoception issues, your loved one may stop doing things that they need to do. You can give reminders and help them build a solid routine. [10]
    • Give gentle reminders to eat, hydrate, and take bathroom breaks if needed.
    • Write an autistic student's online class schedule on a piece of paper and tape it to the wall. Help them set alarms to remind them to attend class, especially if they're prone to losing track of time. Try checking in before class is supposed to start to make sure they know it's class time.
  3. 3
    Bring home a few activities from your latest shopping run. If you need to go to a general store for supplies, try picking out some activities to keep your loved one busy. Look for things that match their age, interest, and motor skills. It might be nice to bring home: [11]
    • Legos
    • Craft supplies
    • Puzzles and board games
    • Coloring books and sticker books
    • Art supplies
    • New objects to add to a collection
    • Balloons
  4. 4
    Encourage special interests and healthy stimming. Between the changes in routine and the fear of serious illness, your loved one is under additional stress. Stimming and special interests can help them self-regulate, so these are good activities for them. [12]
    • Encourage the use of items like weighted blankets, fidget toys, and comfort objects.
    • If they seem shy about stimming around other people, give them a smile or explicitly tell them that it's okay.
    • Help them find projects to do related to their special interest. This can keep them busy and happy for a while.
  5. 5
    Harness the power of down time. Autistic people tend to need extra quiet time to relax during the day. Parents may decide to relax rules on screen time a little, [13] though too much isn't healthy. [14] Your loved one may benefit from solitary activities such as: [15]
    • Time spent with special interests (writing, researching, making spreadsheets, etc.)
    • Stimming and thinking [16]
    • Studying a favorite subject
    • Learning a skill they've always wanted to learn (calligraphy, video editing, origami, knitting, music, etc.)
    • Audiobooks or digital books from the library
    • Arts and crafts
    • Letter writing
    • Blogging or journalling
    • Room cleaning
    • Organizing computer files
    • Home repair
  6. 6
    Make time for family fun. Quarantine isn't easy for anyone, and fun activities can help bring people's spirits up. Try family activities like: [17]
    • Home movie nights
    • Baking
    • Arts and crafts
    • Board games
    • Treasure hunts
    • Dancing
    • Indoor "camping"
    • Indoor hopscotch (using masking tape)
    • Putting on a short play
    • Dressing up for a "fashion show"
    • Reading to children
    • Book club
    • Taking a family walk

    Tip: It's okay if not everyone wants to participate. They can just watch or do something on their own. Invite them and let them choose whether to come. [18]

  7. 7
    Integrate a little time outdoors. While it's not good to be out in public during quarantine time, a little outdoor time can still be safe for your family and the community. It can also help you de-stress when you're at your wits' end from being stuck indoors. Here are a few ways you can connect with the outdoors:
    • Open windows and air out rooms when the weather is nice.
    • Hang out in the backyard if you have one.
    • Take outdoor walks, without touching objects or getting too close to people outside the family.
  8. 8
    Find ways to keep in touch with outside friends and loved ones. Video chats, phone calls, and emails can keep you connected with people who are important to you. Encourage your autistic family member to stay in touch as much as they'd like.
    • Online friends are real friends too. Messaging them can be good for your autistic loved one.
  9. 9
    Make a habit of giving your autistic family member a little extra love. Quarantine hits everyone hard, and people with disabilities tend to find it the hardest. It doesn't hurt to give them a little extra support during a tough time.
    • Give them compliments when they do something well.
    • Let them tell you about their special interest.
    • Offer hugs or affection if they're open to it.
    • Remind them how much you love them.
  10. 10
    Take good care of yourself, too. Being quarantined isn't easy for anyone. You can't pour from an empty cup, and you can't be a good helper to your autistic loved one if you haven't made time to care for yourself. Take care of your mental health and make sure to get enough sleep, rest, and healthy food.
    • Autistic people can be "emotional sponges" and they may absorb your anxiety. So taking time to relax and enjoy yourself is good for the both of you. [19]
    • When you're stressed, ask yourself "What would help me feel better right now?" A hug? A warm drink? A shower? Do what would help, and savor it.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Preventing and Handling Problems

  1. 1
    Monitor their well-being for potential symptoms. Autistic people may struggle with recognizing and communicating symptoms. Some may not know how to distinguish between normal temporary discomfort and signs of illness.
    • Know the common signs of the disease that is going around.
    • Look for subtle signs of illness, especially in someone who is nonspeaking or not very communicative yet. Eating less, drowsiness, slowness, trouble sleeping, odd posture, and irritability can be signs that they aren't feeling well.

    Did You Know? Some autistic people seem more self-regulated and engaged when they have a fever. [20] Keep an eye on their temperature.

  2. 2
    Encourage them to seek quiet time alone when they need it. Alone time can often reduce stress in autistic people, so it's a good option if they are starting to feel tense.
    • Designate a quiet area where they can retreat. It should be a low-traffic area so they're less likely to be disturbed.
    • Encourage family members to say when they want to be alone and to respect each other's wishes.
    • Provide earplugs, noise-canceling headphones, and quiet music to help drown out background noise.
  3. 3
    Talk to all family members about the importance of leaving people alone when they'd like to be alone. For many people, it's natural to seek out social time when lonely or bored. This is a healthy thing as long as they're not pestering someone who needs to be alone right now. [21] Emphasize the importance of respecting boundaries.
    • Encourage people to ask "Is now a good time to chat?" and respect an honest answer.
    • Encourage people to say so if they need to be alone and to repeat themselves if needed.
  4. 4
    Don't overdo the homeschooling. Parents and caregivers may scramble to try to provide lessons during school closures. But over-stressing about school isn't healthy for parents or kids. [22] Everyone is having a harder time lately, so don't push things if people are approaching the breaking point. Put in a little effort while you can, and let it go before anyone drives themselves up the wall. Quitting after a pleasant hour of homeschooling is better than pushing too hard and giving the student and/or teacher a breakdown.
    • It's okay if homeschooling is only an hour or two instead of a full day. It's okay if a website does most of the teaching.
    • It's okay to do semi-educational activities, like reading books together instead of doing math problems.
    • Explicitly tell your autistic loved one that stress management is more important than school right now. If they can't bear it, take a break. This is especially important for an autistic parent or caregiver to keep in mind, since they may worry about being a perfect teacher to the kid(s).
  5. 5
    Don't take their stress personally. No matter how amazing a family member you are, quarantine is going to stress them out. This is completely normal and it doesn't reflect badly on you. It's just a tough situation.
    • Stress may be the worst at the beginning and could diminish as they get used to the new routine.
    • You don't always have to fix it when they're upset. Sometimes you can just sit and listen. Other times, they may want to be alone. And it's okay to step away if you're too stressed to help.
  6. 6
    Show patience and compassion when your autistic loved one shows signs of stress. Living in quarantine can take a toll, and your family member is going to express stress from time to time. Do your best to show understanding when this happens. Stress can cause:
    • Aches and pains: While this can happen to anyone, autistics are especially likely to experience physical symptoms caused by stress. (Unfortunately, this can make it unclear whether they're fighting off a disease or just stressed out.)
    • Worsening sensory issues: Sensory sensitivities may become heightened.
    • More frequent meltdowns: Meltdowns, sensory overload, and shutdowns may happen more often. Sometimes they need to "cry it out" or hide for a while.
    • Temporary regression: Complex skills can become harder under stress, so they may experience temporary mild regression. (However, contact a doctor or specialist if you suspect it's more serious.)
    • Executive dysfunction: Staying organized and managing tasks can be harder under stress. They may need help with tasks that they can usually handle on their own.
    • Demand avoidance: Difficulty coping with stress may make it harder to handle demands.
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      Tips

      • If your loved one doesn't want to talk about their feelings, don't push it. Sometimes they'd rather be alone or stay focused on a project. Do what seems right given their mood and personal preferences.
        Thanks
        Helpful 3 Not Helpful 0
      • If you don't know how to help your loved one with a problem, try using a fake name to post in the #AskingAutistics hashtag. Autistic people who have had similar experiences may be able to offer advice.
        Thanks
        Helpful 2 Not Helpful 1
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/13/the-family-lockdown-guide-how-to-emotionally-prepare-for-coronavirus-quarantine
      2. ↑ https://neuroclastic.com/2020/05/21/being-autistic-taking-language-about-covid-19-literally/
      3. ↑ https://carolgraysocialstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Pandemics-and-the-Coronavirus.pdf
      4. ↑ https://littlepuddins.ie/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/The-Corona-Virus-Free-Printable-Updated-2-The-Autism-Educator-.pdf
      5. ↑ https://ibcces.org/blog/2020/03/06/preparation-tips-for-covid-19-or-potential-quarantine/
      6. ↑ https://twitter.com/catladyjustice/status/1239984133398462467
      7. ↑ https://speakingofautismcom.wordpress.com/2020/03/16/coping-with-the-covid-19-pandemic-as-an-autistic-person/
      8. ↑ https://adayinourshoes.com/covid-19-how-to-not-freak-out-if-you-have-a-disabled-child/
      9. ↑ https://ibcces.org/blog/2020/03/06/preparation-tips-for-covid-19-or-potential-quarantine/
      1. ↑ https://twitter.com/catladyjustice/status/1239984133398462467
      2. ↑ https://adayinourshoes.com/how-to-prepare-for-quarantine-disability-families-printable-checklists/
      3. ↑ https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/viewpoint/how-to-help-autistic-children-cope-with-pandemic-lockdowns/
      4. ↑ https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/graphic-shows-autism-spectrum-really-170223725.html
      5. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/03/activities-kids-coronavirus-quarantine/608110/
      6. ↑ https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2020/03/16/coronavirus-quarantine-100-things-do-while-trapped-inside/5054632002/
      7. ↑ https://misslunarose.home.blog/2019/10/23/lining-up-toys-is-good/
      8. ↑ https://parade.com/1009774/stephanieosmanski/things-to-do-with-kids-during-coronavirus-quarantine/
      9. ↑ https://neuroclastic.com/2020/03/19/autism-and-quarantine/
      10. ↑ https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/graphic-shows-autism-spectrum-really-170223725.html
      11. ↑ https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/viewpoint/how-to-help-autistic-children-cope-with-pandemic-lockdowns/
      12. ↑ https://neuroclastic.com/2020/03/19/autism-and-quarantine/
      13. ↑ https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/03/you-are-not-your-childs-teacher-quarantine-education.html
      14. Twitter discussion on ways to help an autistic family member in quarantine

      About this article

      Article Summary X

      Being cooped up at home isn't easy for most people, and it may be even harder for an autistic person. Make sure that they understand what is going on and let them know that they can come to you to talk about their thoughts and feelings. Try writing down the new rules if it helps. Validate their feelings and help them find healthy coping mechanisms when they are upset. Help them develop a predictable and healthy routine. Make sure that they have plenty of time to relax, stim, and enjoy their special interests so that they can feel calmer and happier. Keep reading for more tips on helping an autistic person thrive during lockdown.

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