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The best ways to approach girls and make a connection
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Ready to get off the market and stop being single? Putting yourself out there is the best way to find the love of your life. But if you’re feeling a little stuck and you aren’t sure where to look, you’ve come to the right place! We’ll share the best locations where you can meet women, as well as our top tips for approaching potential dates. Ready to make a love connection? Keep reading!
This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, Cher Gopman, founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Find single women on online dating sites like eharmony , Bumble , Hinge , or Plenty of Fish .
- Join a hobby class that you’re interested in to meet women you already have something in common with.
- Attend volunteer events or join a church group to easily meet women who share your core values.
Steps
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Look your best. Even though it is said that nobody should judge a book by its cover, first impressions count enormously when people don't know one another yet. It’s always in your favor to look your best. [1] X Expert Source Cher Gopman
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.- To help yourself meet women, stay well-groomed and dress stylishly according to your own tastes.
- When looking to meet someone, wear clothes that represent you. [2]
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Expert Source
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019. Choose items that are in good condition, pressed if needed, free of holes, and without stains. - Keep your hair in good shape. Take time in the morning to style your hair and shave, and get a haircut every 8 weeks.
- Leave the grungy workshop or gardening clothes at home. Unclean, messy clothing reduces your confidence and doesn't help you to stand out.
- Go easy on the cologne.
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Strike up a conversation by commenting on something around you. If you spot a woman you’d like to chat with, pick something about your surroundings to point out for an easy conversation starter. You might talk about the weather, the nice flowers outside, or how good the coffee is at this cafe. Then, introduce yourself and make small talk. [3] X Research source
- “This weather has been crazy lately! I forgot my umbrella at home, but I see you came prepared.”
- “A latte? Nice choice. I usually get an Americano, but I’m feeling adventurous today.”
- “Your dog is adorable! What breed is he?”
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Act chivalrously. Take small opportunities to show off your charm, like helping a woman who has her hands full, or opening the door for a stranger. [4] X Research source Then, of course, follow up with casual conversation.
- Any situation can be an opportunity to chat. Explain a bus schedule, inform her of a better value down the street, or offer her spare change when she's fumbling through her purse. Don't expect anything in return, however; allow her to reciprocate.
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Look approachable by using open body language. Meeting people is helped by appearing open and willing to be approached. Use open body language by leaving your arms uncrossed, holding your head up high, and smiling when you make eye contact with people. [5] X Expert Source Cher Gopman
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.- Your body language has a big impact on whether or not someone feels able to approach you. The tone, speed, and volume of your voice have an impact too.
- Look and act confident. Self-doubt is noticeable by other people; prepare yourself mentally to be confident and fake it if need be!
- Stay positive and look on the bright side of things. Even if life is treating you unkindly at the moment, don't pass this on to her when you first meet.
- Look at women's faces , not their chests. Focus on her as a person; take in her face and truly listen to what she is saying.
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Stay relaxed. Everyone is nervous when meeting someone new and wanting more than just a mere handshake from them. But it's important to settle your anxiety as much as possible by reminding yourself that you're worthy. [6] X Research source Tell yourself that even if this conversation doesn’t end in a date, you’ll at least have had some practice talking to a woman.
- Stay focused and organize your conversation mentally. Be assertive and remember what you're there to do. Women want to know that you can talk well, make up your own sentences, and be friendly with other men.
- If you think you're good enough for the woman in question, she'll sense this and reciprocate your confident stance. If you act unworthy, you risk being treated as such. Attract the response you want by being confident and engaged in the moment.
- Remember her name. Use her name when talking to her—she'll feel subconsciously more at ease with you.
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Make a connection by learning more about her. Try to find out what her interests are by asking about her job, hobbies, what she likes to do with her time, and her favorite things. Then, tell her about yourself, too. [7] X Research source
- For instance, "Yeah, I really like Van Gogh too, but Monet is much too simplistic." That way, she'll know you're not just saying "yes" all the time to make her like you but that you are willing to converse intelligently.
- Leave her wanting more by not revealing too much about yourself all at once. [8]
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Expert Source
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019. - Be sure not to crowd her—try to stay about 3 ft (0.9 m) away from her while you two chat. Instead of the chair next to her, choose the one across.
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Ask for her phone number if you like her. Asking a woman out immediately can come off a little strong. If you’re having a great conversation and you want to see her again, offer up your phone number or ask for hers. That way, it takes the pressure off of both of you, but you can still ask her on a date later on. [9] X Research source
- “It’s been great chatting with you, but I have to run. Want to exchange numbers so we can continue our conversation?”
- “I’d love to keep talking, but I’ve got to get back to work. Here’s my number in case you ever want to meet up.”
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End the conversation after a couple of minutes. Going on for too long can make you seem desperate. [10] X Expert Source Cher Gopman
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019. When this woman is someone you'd really like to see again, say something like, "You know, I would love to hear more but I have to get back to work now. Tell me all about it over salsa dancing on Tuesday." Always leave the conversation to be continued. [11] X Research source- Of course, as with everything, there are exceptions. If you feel that whammy of chemistry connecting the two of you and you go on to talk all night and into the next day, let the flow take you where it will. Sometimes, this is what happens without any rhyme or reason.
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Accept that rejection is part of the dating deal. Some women won't be interested because they don't feel the spark or the click. Respect that––it's far better to have honesty up front than to feel tricked later on. Rather than taking rejection personally, realize that this is an important step in finding the right woman amid a sea of women who aren't your perfect match. [12] X Research source
- Sometimes you'll be rejected because it's not the right time in her life to be committing to a relationship. Perhaps she's going through a messy divorce, perhaps a big career move is on her radar, or perhaps she just needs time to heal after a bad relationship.
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Give yourself credit for putting yourself out there. Getting rejected just means that you tried to meet a woman, but it didn’t work out. You’d be way more bummed if you never tried! Think of rejection as a learning moment, then move onto the next person. [13] X Research source
- Statistically, the more you put yourself out there, the better chance you have of meeting the right person for you.
- Be patient. It can take time to make the right connection with the right woman.
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Switch up your technique if you’re rejected multiple times. A single rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you as a person. However, if you’re getting repeatedly rejected by multiple women, change up your habits for better success. Try looking in new locations, asking different questions, or switching up your grooming habits. You might just strike gold!
- For instance, maybe you’ve tried the online dating scene and it just isn’t working out. Ask your friends to set you up or approach women in real life instead.
- Or, maybe you’re approaching women too aggressively, and you need to let them take the lead. Instead of offering your number to every woman that you see, wait until you notice a woman flirting with you before you ask her out on a date.
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Try online dating sites. Online dating sites connect you with like-minded singles in your area. Find a dating site that appeals to you and create a profile . Then, match with women who you’d like to meet in real life. [14] X Trustworthy Source Consumer Reports Nonprofit organization dedicated to consumer advocacy and product testing Go to source
- Try apps like eharmony , Bumble , Coffee Meets Bagel , Hinge , or Plenty of Fish .
- When uploading pictures for your profile, pick photos that show you in your best light.
- Make sure your profile represents you accurately so you can find a partner who likes you for you.
- Be open-minded to all those interested in you. If you put an age range or any other restrictive ranges into your wishlist, you could miss out on women who might be slightly outside those expectations but are ideal for you.
- Reader Poll: We asked 381 wikiHow readers who've met women online, and 51% of them agreed that the best profile picture to use is an attractive selfie that shows off your good side. [Take Poll]
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Ask your friends to set you up. Friends, both male and female, are a good place to begin when you're seeking someone new. Your friends will know of single women who are looking for a chance to date—from sisters and work colleagues to friends from hobbies or sports they pursue. [15] X Research source
- Organize, or have your friends organize, a party or dinner event at which the two of you can meet.
- Or, go out on a blind date .
- Be sure to ask your friend about why they think this woman might be compatible with you. It will help you to come up with topics of conversation before you meet.
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Try an introduction agency to get women matched with you. Introduction agencies match single people together to go out on dates. Sign up for an introduction agency for a personalized match-making experience that’s local to your area. [16] X Research source
- To find an introduction agency, search “Your city” + “Introduction agency”
- Most introduction agencies charge a monthly fee, but this varies from agency to agency.
- Many online sites operate as an online dating site and an introduction agency. Check the details when looking at the website, as you might get the chance to try both ways.
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Approach single women in your workplace. Depending on your office culture, you may be able to date a coworker. Always check your company policy first, and if it’s against your contract, don’t do it. If you would like to pursue someone you work with, approach them outside of office hours, and be prepared to keep working together if the relationship doesn’t work out. [17] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- Never harass a woman. Workplace procedures are in place to deal with any element of sleaziness, inappropriate touching, or comments for good reason. Make sure she won't misinterpret your intentions by being open, clear, and caring. Avoid using dirty language or innuendos.
- Keep personal communications personal. Don't use the workplace email to serenade her. Use your personal email address or speak to her directly instead.
- Think really hard before attempting to date a boss, manager, or supervisor. The imbalance in power at work may also influence an imbalance of power in your personal relationship, which isn't healthy for either of you.
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Go where the singles hang out on purpose. There are plenty of opportunities for meeting single women in a city, town, or similar environment. Some examples include: [18] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Clubs, nightclubs, bars/sports bars, and restaurants
- Hobby or sports events that end with a party or get-together
- Dinner parties, dinner events, tasting events
- A singles cruise or singles event
- Speed dating events [19]
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Expert Source
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
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Attend a class or a course. If you're passionate about something, from sailing to food art, you might find equally passionately driven women by joining a class or course focused on that very topic. [20] X Expert Source Cher Gopman
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019. You'll certainly have lots to talk about together. [21] X Research source- If you happen to be one of only a few men––or the only man––at the course or class, you'll be considered somewhat special!
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Talk to women when you’re out and about. Life itself presents many opportunities to meet women––if you're open to the possibilities. Chat with the woman in line with you at the supermarket, or make conversation with the woman next to you on the bus. You never know what could happen! [22] X Research source
- Try saying hi to the shop assistant that you see every week or commenting about a book a woman is holding at the bookstore.
- Chat with women at the laundromat while you wait for your spin cycle to finish, or introduce yourself to the woman next to you at the gym.
- If you have a dog, use that to your advantage. Go for walks with your dog and talk to anyone who wants to give them a pet.
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Join a church or house of worship. If you’re religious, you can meet like-minded single women by participating in church events. If you don’t attend a place of worship already, try looking for one in your area and going to volunteer events or fundraisers. The women who are there will likely share your same values, which gives you common ground to talk about. [23] X Research source
- Look for houses of worship that cater to a crowd that’s around your age. If you’re a young adult, look for youth groups or evening events.
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Attend volunteer events. Give back to your community while also meeting new people. Check out your area’s local Facebook or Nextdoor page, and sign up for a weekend volunteer event. While you’re there, introduce yourself to other people and strike up conversations. You never know who you might meet. [24] X Research source
- Volunteering also shows the people around you that you care about your community and you want to give back (which are qualities someone might look for in a partner).
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Shared experiences are a great way to forge bonds. While dating apps create the perception of endless possibilities, they aren't the only way to meet and get close with people. Investing energy into building real connections will pay off.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhere is the best place to meet a girlfriend?Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.One great place to meet women is in a class or community course. This will also give you a topic to start a conversation.
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QuestionWhat should I say when I meet a girl?Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.Find some things you have in common and talk about them to establish a connection and get to know one another better.
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Tips
- Don’t use cheesy pickup techniques like having the bartender bring a drink over to her. Those gimmicks rarely work in real life, and you’re more likely to make a real connection by approaching women yourself.Thanks
- Never assume that good-looking women are unapproachable. These women have the same needs and desires as anyone else.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Expand your circle of friends to increase your chances of meeting people in general. As you spend time with more and more people, you’ll have chances to make meaningful connections.
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References
- ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
- ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-make-a-conversation-with-a-girl/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethinking-men/201501/chivalry
- ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.17 May 2019.
- ↑ https://jedfoundation.org/resource/understanding-anxiety-disorders/
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/10-perfect-questions-to-ask-on-the-first-date-to-really-get-to-know-someone/
- ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.17 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-make-a-conversation-with-a-girl/
- ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.17 May 2019.
- ↑ https://ccaps.umn.edu/esl-resources/students/speaking/conversations
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202106/4-strategies-cope-rejection
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
- ↑ https://www.consumerreports.org/dating-relationships/online-dating-guide-match-me-if-you-can/
- ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/general/where-is-the-best-place-to-meet-women-how-to-navigate-dating-in-a-changing-world/
- ↑ https://www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au/buying-products-and-services/buying-services/introduction-agencies
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2019/02/how-to-approach-an-office-romance-and-how-not-to
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/tips-for-finding-lasting-love
- ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview.17 May 2019.
- ↑ Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/am-i-ready-to-date/
- ↑ https://www.mghclaycenter.org/parenting-concerns/teenagers/rules-dating-non-dating-world/
- ↑ https://ifstudies.org/blog/no-hookups-no-talking-and-no-breakups-a-better-way-to-date
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2024/02/12/1230987921/how-to-date-offline
About This Article
Article Summary
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To meet women, try setting up a profile on an online dating site to meet women with similar interests. When you make your profile, upload a picture that shows you as approachable, and respond to messages promptly to show you’re interested. If you’re less keen on meeting people online, try attending a club, sports bar, or speed dating event to meet eligible single women. Alternatively, take up a class or course on something you're passionate about, like art. However you choose to meet someone, look friendly and approachable when you introduce yourself by smiling and using open body language, like keeping your arms open and standing up straight. Once you start up a conversation, focus on the woman’s face and make eye contact, which shows you’re interested in what she’s saying. For tips on how to deal with rejection, keep reading!
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