How to Prioritize Loved Ones when You Have a Busy Life

Co-authored by Jin S. Kim, MA

Last Updated: May 23, 2024 References

With all the responsibilities and obligations of life, it can seem as if you don’t have a spare minute for your loved ones. You don’t have to feel as though the people you care about are an afterthought, though. There are things you can do to make sure you’re giving loved ones time and attention and bring balance to your life. You can prioritize loved ones when you have a busy life if you schedule time for them, show them you care, and re-evaluate your priorities.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Scheduling Time for Loved Ones

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Make them part of your routine. Doing this will make it easier to make loved ones a priority because you won’t feel like it’s something special or extra you have to do. Just like brushing your teeth and washing your face are a part of your morning routine, make keeping in touch with your friends and family a part of your everyday life. Incorporating this time into your life will allow you to give each relationship in your life the time and attention it needs.
- For instance, your bedtime routine might include having a cup of tea, reading a book, calling your daughter, and then taking a bath.
- Or, for example, your afterschool routine might be to have a snack, play with your younger sibling, and then start on homework.
- Other routines you can incorporate into your life to enrich your relationships are having dinner together, celebrating special holidays together, going to church together, or going for evening walks together.
2
Put your loved ones on the calendar. Scheduling time with them the same way you schedule a meeting or an appointment is one way you can prioritize loved ones when you have a busy life. ^{[1]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source} Putting it on your agenda will help prevent you from scheduling anything else during that time. It’s also a way of saying to yourself that your family and friends are as important to you as the other things you put on your calendar. ^{[2]
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Expert Source

Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.}
- For example, if your partner is having a poetry reading, put it on your calendar so that you don’t plan anything else during that time.
- If you are worried you might forget or overlook your ‘priority appointment,’ set an alarm or reminder as well.
3
Multitask as a way to stay in contact. Most busy people find themselves multitasking, doing more than one thing at a time, on a regular basis. For instance, you might be in the habit of watching TV, checking your voicemail, and cooking dinner all at one time. Try using multitasking as a way to make time to contact your loved ones or show them that you care. ^{[3]
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Research source}
- For example, order your spouse lunch when you’re placing your own order and have their meal delivered with a note saying how much you care.
- Or, as another example, make use of the hands-free settings on your car and give your best friend a quick call while you’re riding home from school.
4
Include others in your plans. When you have a lot to do and can’t cancel any of your plans, you can still make your loved ones a priority. Similar to multitasking, consider inviting your friends and family to join you in your activities when it’s appropriate. This way you’re meeting your responsibilities and obligations, spending time with loved ones, and giving them a glimpse of your life all at the same time. ^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.}
- For instance, invite your sister to join you in your weekly tai chi class. You could say, “I won’t have much time this week, but I want to see you. Could you come to tai chi with me? It’s fun!”
- Or, for example, if you have to go out-of-town on business, ask your spouse to come with you. During your free time you can spend time together exploring the city.
- You can also use video chatting apps like Messenger, Skype, Facetime, ooVoo, Tango or Hangouts as a way to include others in what you’re doing. ^{[5]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Pew Research Center
  Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
  Go to source} This allows them to hear your voice and also see your expressions, emotions, and environment as you talk.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Showing Loved Ones You Care

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Listen to them. This is one of the easiest and best ways that you can show loved ones that you care about them and that they’re a priority to you. ^{[6]
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Research source} Make the time to check in with your family and friends and find out what’s going on in their lives. You should also make time to be there for them on those occasions that they need special support. A strong connected family will have good lines of open communication where all members of the family feel heard and respected.
- Ask your loved ones how they are doing and really listen to their answer. Ask questions about what they say in response to let them know you’re listening.
- You can show your loved one that you’re really listening by repeating the feelings they’ve communicated back to them in your own words, “I hear you saying that your friend has been saying mean things about your behind your back and that really bothers you.”
- Remove distractions and try to limit interruptions when you are talking with loved ones. Turn off your electronic devices and give the person your undivided attention.
- When you can, be willing to stop doing something else to listen to a loved one for a minute or two. For example, if your friend calls and he’s upset because his dog is lost, you could stop working on your paper for a moment and listen to him.
- Resist the urge to give advice, regardless of how good your intentions are. Allow time for the other person to speak their mind about whatever they are feeling. Offer suggestions only when they ask for them.
2
Support their activities. Even if you can’t attend every event that they have, you can show loved ones that they’re a priority and that you care by supporting them in other ways. Take the time to find out how you can encourage, promote, and support your family and friends in the things that they’re doing.
- For example, you might not be able to attend your cousin’s tap dancing concert, but you can have flowers delivered backstage.
- Or, for instance, if you can’t help your friend volunteer at the animal shelter, you can pass out fliers at your job letting people know about shelter opportunities.
3
Use technology to keep in touch. Given the number of social networking apps and the ease with which you can post written text, pictures, audio, video, and more, keeping in touch with loved ones is not as difficult as it used to be. ^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
Go to source} Make the most of technology and find creative ways to let your friends and family know what’s going on in your life and find out what’s happening in theirs.
- You can send a ‘good morning’ or ‘good night’ text or you can text them in the middle of the day just to let the person know you are thinking of them.
- While you are responding to your email messages, send one or two off to loved ones as a way to keep in touch.
- Send a video or audio message expressing how grateful you are to have them in your life.
- Post a picture of you and your loved ones and tag them in it on social media. This is a great way to share your life and experiences with people that may not live close enough to visit regularly.
4
Write a note. Although it might be considered ‘old-fashioned’, most people would agree that finding an unexpected hand-written note from someone you care about gives you a good feeling. You can give this good feeling to your loved ones by writing a note, letter, or card and giving it to them. This is a simple, but powerful way to let them know they’re a priority to you.
- For instance, you could buy your grandfather a card and send it to him via snail mail just to let him know he’s important to you.
- Or, for example, if you make your child’s lunch for school, you could put a small “I love you” note in their lunchbox.
- Be creative and post a note for your loved one in a public place. For example, if you know your partner always checks the message board in the cafeteria, put a sweet note with their name on it on the board.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Re-evaluating Your Priorities

1
Be deliberate. This may be one of the most important things that you can do to prioritize your loved ones when you have lots of other responsibilities and obligations. ^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source} Consciously reminding yourself to make time for your family and friends and making decisions based on them will keep it on your mind and make it important to you.
- When possible, schedule activities around your time with your loved ones. ^{[9]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Business Review
  Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
  Go to source} For example, if your daughter generally has track meets on Thursday afternoons, try not to schedule any meetings for that time.
- Place a picture of your loved ones somewhere that you can see it frequently to remind you that they’re a priority to you.
- Start each day by thinking about why your loved ones are important to you. For example, you might say to yourself, “My mom’s a priority because of all she’s done for me.”
- Keep a journal or list and write about how grateful you are to have your family and friends. You can write a ‘gratefulness statement’ about one special person each day.
2
Set boundaries in other areas. It can be all too easy to allow work, school, and other obligations to spread over into your personal time. However, if you’re making your loved ones a priority then you’ll need to leave work at work and school at school, so to speak. Make sure that your time with your friends and family is spent enjoying their company and not focused on other aspects of your life.
- Put a time limit on the hours you will work each day or each week. Once you reach that limit then stop and give your attention to your loved ones.
- Other than important updates, avoid talking about work, school or other responsibilities with the people close to you. Instead, find out what’s going on in their life.
3
Think small. Instead of thinking that you need to spend hours with your loved ones to let them know they’re a priority to you, think about the small things you can do. This will help make spending time with friends and family seem less like another obligation. At the same time, try to view large tasks as smaller action steps. Breaking your responsibilities down into smaller chunks can help you feel less busy and see free time where you didn’t see it before.
- For example, you could plan to catch a quick coffee with your friend instead of trying to fit in lunch.
- Or, for instance, instead of thinking of your final report as one big project, think of it as three smaller projects: the introduction, body, and conclusion. You could work on the introduction and then take a break to check on your partner.
4
Delegate tasks to make more time. You may want to do everything and you may even be able to, but asking for help meeting your obligations and responsibilities may give you extra time to spend with loved ones. ^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
Go to source} It’s okay to ask family members to help with chores on a regular basis or ask friends for a favor every now and then.
- You might say to your friend, “I’d like to spend a bit of time with my daughter. Would you mind picking up my order when you pick up yours?”
- Or, you might tell your partner, “If you wash the car while I pressure wash the house, we’ll have time to relax and watch the movie together later.”
5
Log off. It might surprise you how much time you spend on your electronic devices. From checking email, to playing games, to texting, commenting, and posting – it all adds up. Logging off can give you back some of your time, which you can use to show your loved ones that they’re a priority. ^{[11]
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Research source}
- For example, spending 10 minutes playing with your dog is a much better way to spend your time than playing a game on your phone.
- As an experiment one day, try to track how much time you spend on your electronic devices doing non-essential tasks like commenting on posts. The next day, try to spend that amount of time (or more) with your loved ones.
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