Q&A for How to Apologize to a Cat

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  • Question
    Can cats get their feelings hurt?
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Jessica Char is a Cat and Dog Trainer, Behavior Consultant, and the Founder of Feline Engineering and Canine Engineering. She specializes in modifying challenging pet behavior problems, such as fear and aggression, using positive reinforcement training protocols. Jessica is a Certified Fear Free Trainer, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer. She is also a member of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Jessica received her BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis.
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Expert Answer
    Yes, they can! If you think your cat is upset with you, give them some space to calm down and give it some time. The best thing you can do is back off and show them that you recognize that you've hurt them and that you're going to stop doing what you were doing.
  • Question
    How do you get a cat to trust you again?
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Jessica Char is a Cat and Dog Trainer, Behavior Consultant, and the Founder of Feline Engineering and Canine Engineering. She specializes in modifying challenging pet behavior problems, such as fear and aggression, using positive reinforcement training protocols. Jessica is a Certified Fear Free Trainer, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer. She is also a member of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Jessica received her BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis.
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Expert Answer
    Leave the cat alone for now. When you're feeling ready to enter the same head space where they are, sit at a distance and offer them their favorite treat so that your cat can come get them as they're ready.
  • Question
    Is there such thing as a cat "love bite"?
    Community Answer
    Yes, there is such a thing. A "love bite" is generally a gentler bite that can indicate either overstimulation or a playful mood. Read your cat's body language and proceed with caution.
  • Question
    How do I know if a cat forgave me?
    Community Answer
    It will start to come to you more looking for affection. It will also look calmer, etc.
  • Question
    Is there a quick and easy way to apologize for little things?
    Community Answer
    You can just say "sorry [cat's name]" in a sweet/apologetic voice and pet them gently on a spot they like. As step 4 says, "Your cat may not necessarily understand your words, but she will understand your tone." They may eventually come to understand the word, too, after you've used it enough times in such circumstances.
  • Question
    My cat is no longer meowing at me and seems offended. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Regain your cat's love and trust by combing her, petting her, or giving her a treat. Do more of what you know your cat likes, and over time she should warm up to you again.
  • Question
    My cat's leg looks exactly like my daughter's stuffed toy. I saw what I thought was the toy under the bed, but it was the cat's leg. I heard a loud screech. How can I regain her trust?
    Community Answer
    Follow the steps here. Give her some space, then approach her. Show you're sorry by giving her a cuddle or stroking her, showing the cat you're not going to hurt her.
  • Question
    Do cats ever really learn their names? We have two, Spot and Pixel. Should they learn that one name is their own and that the other name refers to the other cat?
    Community Answer
    Yes, they should be able to learn their names. But you need to make it clear to them. It can be a little confusing if they're always together or you always call to them at the same time. It's usually best to train pets individually. Also, cats usually respond best to names that end with an 'ee' sound (e.g., Spottie, Pixie). See How to Teach a Cat to Recognize Its Name .
  • Question
    Can this work for a dog or other pets?
    Community Answer
    Only certain parts - such as nice high apologetic voices, petting the animal, and leaving treats.
  • Question
    How do I figure out what a cat wants?
    Community Answer
    Try watching what they look at or linger around. House cats tend to focus around what they want, mainly because if it's something like a spot you are sitting in they can't just tell you to move. You can also try watching body language. If you do something like move the couch or redecorate than the cat will appear agitated (tail fluffed up, tail wagging back and forth, nose scrunched up, etc.) or frightened (ears back, crushed to appear smaller, eyes wide). If you notice this after you move said couch, try moving it back to see if that is what is upsetting your cat.
  • Question
    I just took my cat to the vet and they had to give him a shot. Now he is mad at me and is scared of me. What do I do now?
    Community Answer
    Give him space and leave him food, he will calm down in a day or two. Give him affection and be gentle around the area where he got his shot.
  • Question
    How do I know if a cat gives me a love bite if it bites softly anyway?
    Community Answer
    Cats can hurt you with their bite even when they are only few months old. If it doesn't hurt, it is likely a love bite.
  • Question
    What can I do if my cat is scared of me because I had accidentally threw something at it?
    Community Answer
    Leave it for a while, then call it over for love and affection. Treats also work to restore trust.
  • Question
    My cat is here one day and gone the other. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Don't worry about it too much. Cats are curious and live to explore. Sometimes my cat is gone for days at a time, but they most always will come back.
  • Question
    My cat does not have a tail. How else can I read her body language?
    Community Answer
    Looking at your cats ears, fur, and eyes. If your cat is happy, her fur may be more flat, while if shes mad or irritated, her fur maybe more fluffed out. Cats sometimes show emotions with their ears, too. Flattened ears could mean shes mad or scared, and when her ears are in the normal position, she may be more calm.
  • Question
    What if my cat still hates me after I do these steps?
    Community Answer
    See a trainer for advice.
  • Question
    What do I do if my cat rolls around when I try to say sorry to it?
    Community Answer
    She is glad to see you and is no longer angry. You don't need to apologize. If your cat is doing this with her ears back, however, she is offended and may bite you. If your cat looks tense and ready to strike, especially when rolling around, she is not happy with you and you should give her space. If she looks relaxed and comfortable, she just wants attention.
  • Question
    What if I hustle my cat really bad?
    Community Answer
    Give them some time to themselves, especially without stimulation. But remember to acknowledge their presence if they come up to you—otherwise they will feel ignored.
  • Question
    When I said "I'm sorry" to my cat she got up and started rubbing against my leg, why is that?
    Community Answer
    When a cat rubs your leg it's a sign that they want affection or attention.
  • Question
    My cat likes to crawl into my lap, purring super loudly, then falls backwards to be cradled and sucks on my finger while gripping my arm tightly with four paws. Is this an abandonment issue?
    Community Answer
    It may not be an issue, it may just be an affectionate cat. But if you know you have been neglecting him lately, you should cuddle him and give him attention.
  • Question
    Do ragdoll cats strike when offended?
    Community Answer
    Yes, sometimes. Although ragdoll cats are normally relaxed and demure, an extreme offense to them may cause a bite or scratch, normally without warning.
  • Question
    A cat I know was doing something in a bush. I was waiting for her and suddenly she lashed out and was hissing and tried to scratch me. How do I apologize without being hissed at
    Community Answer
    Wait until you see the cat again and sit down close to her. Get some treats and hold out your hand with the treats in it. She might come up and accept the treats. If she does, cautiously begin to pet her. If she flinches or hisses or scratches at you, lay the treats on the ground, walk away, and try the method again later.
  • Question
    What does it mean when my cat lays beside me and looks up at me?
    Community Answer
    It most likely means it wants to be petted and shown affection. Remember to look at its ears and tail to see if it’s still mad before you try to touch it.
  • Question
    If I accidentally did something really hurtful to the cat and I forgot to apologize, will it affect its behavior towards humans? If it saw a human, next time it will be aggressive?
    Community Answer
    No, you'll quickly regain the cat's trust by spending time with it. One incident will not turn a loving cat into an aggressive one.
  • Question
    How do I figure out what food my cat likes?
    Community Answer
    You will know they like it, if they eat it. If they don't, it will stay in the bowl until you can't stand it any longer and put domething else down.
  • Question
    I was at the shelter and met this cat. She was a total sweetheart, but then she hissed at me. I apologized and she forgave me and started loving me again. The she hissed again. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    The best way to apologize to a cat, since they don't really understand English, is to avoid doing whatever is making them hiss for a while. If they're seemingly mad for no reason, they're probably not happy that you're petting them or don't want you getting too close. Just simply add a bit of distance and don't take it personally. The cat will come to you when it's ready.
  • Question
    I have adopted a new cat from its former owner. She will allow me to pet her, but then she starts growling and batting at me. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Try giving her some time to get used to your house. She could also be distressed that you aren't her previous owner and wondering what is going on. Keep your distance and give her time to adjust. Maybe keep some treats nearby and reward her when she comes near you.
  • Question
    Do cats really get offended?
    Community Answer
    Sure. Cats are easily offended creatures. They have a lot of pride.
  • Question
    What do I do if I feel bad for abusing my cat and want to make up for it?
    Community Answer
    The best thing you can do to "make up for it" is to never do anything like this again. Take things slow with your cat and rebuild the trust. If you feel like you might not be able to control yourself and there's any chance you might hurt your cat again, you should find it a new home immediately.
  • Question
    Why would my cat pee on my husband's bed?
    Community Answer
    If a cat suddenly starts peeing outside the litter box, they're either dealing with something stressful (changes in the house, their life, etc.), the litter box is not clean enough, or they are ill. If you think you can rule out the first two options, take your cat to the vet.
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