Q&A for How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion

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  • Question
    How can I make amends if I hurt someone's feelings about their religion?
    Tami Claytor
    Etiquette Coach
    Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.
    Etiquette Coach
    Expert Answer
    Apologize as soon as you can so the situation doesn't drag on longer than it needs to. Leaving it unaddressed could put strain on your relationship with the person.
  • Question
    What about when Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses come to your door?
    Community Answer
    Simply explain to them very kindly and politely, "I admire your devotion and enthusiasm for your belief and your wish to share it to everyone else, but I'm sorry, I don't share this belief. Thank you."
  • Question
    I know some overly-assertive atheists who make statements about "religion" as if anything at all spiritual is stupid. To say I don't want to discuss religion is a bit different. Any suggestions?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    A debate is when people get together to talk with and listen to each other, to get feedback and to be ready to change their minds if the other has convincing arguments. At the very least, each party should come away with a broader insight, even if they stick to their own ideas. What you describe is not a debate, as they are not ready to discuss anything, so why waste time on them? Religion is not the same as spirituality; atheists can be spiritual, and any atheist should march along in protest whenever freedom of religion is in danger, let alone if they themselves are the cause of that danger.
  • Question
    What do I do if they are Muslim?
    Gigi King
    Community Answer
    Show them respect despite different beliefs. Everybody deserves to be treated with respect, no matter what. Put yourself in their shoes. Do unto others as you have them do unto you.
  • Question
    My friend always lectures me on what to do and what not to do. Like when I tell her that a group of spirits has developed a passion for me, she says to avoid them. Any advice?
    Community Answer
    Walk away or change the subject. You are in no way obliged to continue in a conversation that you don't feel comfortable with. Tell your friend this.
  • Question
    I am an atheist in India, but I live in an orthodox community. They can be pretty violent. Should I lie to them about my beliefs? Should I move?
    Community Answer
    Belief systems are typically a private thing. If you don't want people to know what your beliefs are, simply don't bring them up. If somebody else does, change the subject. If you're worried about your personal safety, yes, either lie or relocate to a more accepting community.
  • Question
    My father bashes Christianity a lot when I'm around. He and my sister are atheist, my mother and I are Orthodox Christian. My parents are divorced. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Be at peace with who you are. I know it makes you cringe when they gang up on faith, but try not to react and please pray for them. You are in great hands, and you know the peace that comes when you walk into that wonderful house of worship.
  • Question
    I am a devotee of Lord Hanuman, who is a Hindu god. A friend of mine, who is an atheist, keeps insulting him, telling me I won't get anything from worshiping a stupid monkey. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Tell him that you respect his choice to be an atheist, and you'd appreciate if he would do the same and keep is rude opinions about your religion to himself. Be firm. If he continues saying these things after you've had this talk with him, you should end the friendship, because that's really disrespectful.
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