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Are being aggressive and being assertive the same thing?

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.

Guy Reichard

Executive Life Coach

Expert Answer

People often confuse assertiveness with aggression and they are very different. Assertiveness is being clear, direct, and fair about standing up or speaking up for one’s needs in a non-confrontational, respectful way. Aggression stems from fear and anger of not getting one’s needs met. They feel threatened in some way and act more forcefully, even attacking others, to protect what they feel is threatened or to get what they want.

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Question

What should I do if people feel like I'm being too aggressive when I stand up for myself?

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.

Guy Reichard

Executive Life Coach

Expert Answer

It is possible to be purely assertive and non-violent and still be perceived as aggressive by another who may feel threatened in some way. In that case, you decide what’s more important – you trying to get your needs met fairly or others liking you. If you choose to stand up for yourself, you can minimize the potential for being perceived as aggressive if you preface your request/assertion with consideration and empathy for the person you’re speaking to.

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Question

Can I be more aggressive by swearing?

Community Answer

No, swearing just makes you look immature. I recommend using your words carefully and controlling your emotions. Use the tips in the article.

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Question

How can I be more intimidating as a woman?

Community Answer

You might want raise your voice a little more, but don't shout and try not to show much emotion.

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Question

Is there any medication to make me more aggressive in sport?

Community Answer

There are drugs that enhance your athletic abilities, but I wouldn’t recommend them. Being aggressive in sport comes from your thoughts and emotions, and especially the way you choose to control them.

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Question

My boyfriend wants me to be more aggressive. I don't know how to do something I have never done before. How can I be more aggressive with him?

Community Answer

Just be yourself, you don't have to be who your boyfriend wants you to be. If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. If your boyfriend can't accept that, forget him.

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Question

I need to be more aggressive in sports. How would I do that?

Community Answer

To be more aggressive in sports I recommend that you think about something that makes you very angry.

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How can I be friendly and happy, but also aggressive?

Dewa Dewappriya

Community Answer

Learn control your emotions for different types of people. When you're with family members and friends, be happy and friendly. When you meet up with mean girls or bullies, show that you're an aggressive character (so as not to fight with bullies).

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