Q&A for How to Break Up With a Fake Friend

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  • Question
    What should I do if I'm afraid that I won't find another friend?
    Amy Chan
    Relationship Coach
    Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals in just 7 years of operation, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Train yourself to get out of the "There's only one" mentality. Thinking that there's only one person out there for you, either with friendships or romantic relationships, can put you into a scarcity mindset. You might not find someone who is exactly like your friend, but there's definitely more than one person out there for you to be friends with.
  • Question
    What if I love my new friend but she does not give me that back. She only calls whenever she wants something from me.
    Community Answer
    Then it is probably time to break off the friendship.
  • Question
    Is it okay to use a Letter to end a friendship?
    Community Answer
    Not really. A letter is like a text, not face-to-face, and you can't have a real conversation. Try to find a place to meet up alone, and explain to the person calmly why you'd like to end it. Don't be accusing. Use words such as "During this time, I felt ..." instead of "During this time, you were... ." Hearing the person's response in voice also is better, because you get to understand how he/she really feels.
  • Question
    What should I do if my ex best friend is becoming best friends with another friend of mine and is gossiping about me?
    Community Answer
    Tell them it's not cool, and that if they have something to say to/about you, they should say it to your face. Don't get angry, be polite and kill them with kindness. Try not to put your friend in the middle. You could always just tell him/her, "Hey, if [your ex best friend's name] is talking about me, I don't want to hear about it."
  • Question
    What if the fake friend tells on you and tries to get you expelled from school which will cause losing friendship with other friends?
    Community Answer
    Gossiping about you is a typical sign of a fake friend. If you are worried that they are spreading lies about you that might cause you to get expelled from your school, you should talk to a teacher, school counselor, or the principal of the school as soon as you can. Picking an authority figure you can trust and talking to them about it now, helps decrease any damage the fake friend might try to do by lying about you.
  • Question
    A friend told another friend that I said mean things behind her back, when she came to me I accepted and apologized, but now I don't want to talk to the friend who complained. What shall I do?
    TamF
    Community Answer
    Simply start avoiding talking to her and become more distant. If she asks you about it, tell her that after what she has done to you, you lost your trust in her and that you would not want to stay friends anymore. If she asks you to forgive her, you can, but don't forget how she acted.
  • Question
    What if a person that we became friends with is the fake friend's best friend, and we don't want to get on the fake person's bad side because she holds secrets that she can use against us?
    Community Answer
    If you are worried that the fake friend is going to tell the new friend about your secrets, than consider telling the new friend first. Controlling when your new friend hears that information and who they hear it from gives you a little bit more control. Even if it is something you are nervous about the new friend knowing, chances are, it is going to be more truthful and sound better coming straight from you.
  • Question
    How should I get over broken friendships and move on without any worries?
    Community Answer
    Just forget about it, and hang out with your other friends. Do something fun, go to the movies or have a sleepover. You might not be able to completely get rid of your worries, but if you distract yourself you will feel better, and the worries will go away in time.
  • Question
    What do I do if someone is annoying, but thinks he's my friend?
    Community Answer
    You should be honest about how you feel towards him. Even if you have to kindly write him a letter, let him know that you are not interested in forming a friendship with him. Also let him know that you don't appreciate him invading your space all the time. Don't be mean, though. Try to keep things civil, to avoid any confrontation.
  • Question
    This girl is a fake friend to me, but I don't think she can see it. She talks behind my back, makes fun of me, and is a huge hypocrite, yet she doesn't apologize or think that she is wrong.
    Community Answer
    Just start talking to her less and less until you're not talking to her at all anymore. She'll eventually forget about you, and go on to annoy someone else. That happened to me, and this strategy worked.
  • Question
    I don't want to be the enemy of this person, but I don't know how to confront her as she is an extremely angry person. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    You can always bring out the good side of her in your conversation. Start by giving her a compliment so that you won't sound too critical of her. For example, if you want to tell her that she's bossy, you can say, "Hey, I really think that you have great leadership skills, but sometimes you can be a little too controlling." If you can't think of a way to do it using this method, you can always tell her that you're not trying to criticize her or be mean before saying what you wanted to say. No matter what, stay calm, and keep reassuring her that you're not trying to pick a fight.
  • Question
    My friend is very cunning. She acts innocent in front of my friends and teachers. When we are alone she talks very rudely to me. How can I tell others about this?
    Community Answer
    Just tell her you don't want to be friends anymore, or slowly start avoiding her. There's no need to try to convince others that she's rude or fake. It will just sound like you're badmouthing her. Just keep your distance from this girl, most likely everyone else will figure out who she really is soon enough.
  • Question
    This girl annoys me a lot and sometimes she doesn't talk to me for a week without any reason. I hate when she says I did something wrong when I didn't. She started it, but I'm the one who needs to get her apology. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Just tell her the friendship isn't working. If she gets mad then she didn't want to be with you any longer but hates that you said it to her face.
  • Question
    My friend is sometimes nice, but other times she is very rude. Does this mean she's a fake friend?
    Community Answer
    Not necessarily. Everybody has bad moments where they aren't as nice as they could be. If this is just occasional, be a good friend and ask her what is wrong. If she is rude often, it might be that she is not as good of a friend as you want her to be, and it might be best to move on.
  • Question
    I'm afraid my toxic friend has told my new friends (I'm moving to high school) lies about me. They both (the friends) blocked me on social media and are ignoring me. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Ignore them. Don't do anything rash like DM them harsh things or post things about them online. It's best that you just let this little problem take its course before it becomes a big problem that you can't extinguish. Once you think it's over, try to talk it out with your new friends. If they ignore you, just drop them altogether.
  • Question
    In friendship if I'm always the one who has to sacrifice or deal with the "I can't make it" or "I don't have time for you," which happens all too frequently, does this qualify as fake?
    PeaceWithin
    Community Answer
    You cannot immediately assume not having time for things qualifies someone as fake. There are many aspects of our friends lives that we do not know about. With this in mind, there could be family issues that are holding your friend back or they may have a ton of work. So, it is important to know that there might be something else that is making them cancel plans with you.
  • Question
    I am afraid that my friend will tell my secrets to other people. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Confront that friend, and let her know that you told her your secret only because you trusted her. If you're really suspicious and know any of her secrets, threaten to expose them if she does the same to you.
  • Question
    How do I get over a friend that I used to have but is now best friends with another friend of mine and is rude to me? What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Make new friends! This way you won't have time to hang out with that friend anymore. But you could also talk to your friend about this, for me this worked out really well and I'm better friends with my best friend than I was before, so this could work out for you just the same.
  • Question
    What should I do if my friend frequently walks away while I'm talking?
    Community Answer
    Tell them how disrespectful that is and how angry it makes you. If they continue to do it, stop being friends with that person. They clearly aren't interested in engaging with you.
  • Question
    Not only does she turn things into a competition, but she also never understands the fact that I don't want to be her friend. Two days later she tries to talk to me like nothing happened! How do I get rid of her?
    Community Answer
    Hang out with another group of friends, and if she tries coming close to you avoid her. Block her on social media and block her number, this way she may get the idea that you really don't like her.
  • Question
    What do I do if the fake friend is my only friend and I don't have anyone else to go to?
    Community Answer
    If your fake friend is your only friend, then why not try making friends? It's always good to make more friends. But make sure they're also not fake friends, or else, it'll repeat all over again.
  • Question
    My friend turned on me after I stuck up for my other friend, myself and what's right. I have told a parent and I'm ignoring them. What else can I do if I still don't feel safe?
    Community Answer
    Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor at school and tell them how you are feeling, and maybe ask your teachers to keep an eye on this former friend when they around you. Try not to worry too much, you're doing everything right and this will probably blow over soon.
  • Question
    I never wanted to be friends with her, but I'm friends with her just because of my mother. She lives next door so I have to play with her, and if I don't, my mom's friends bug my mom. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    First, try to get to know her, she might be a really nice person and the two of you could actually became real friends. If she turns out to not be a nice person, you could tell your mom and she will probably understand. If her friends are real, they should accept that even when you aren't friends with someone else's daughter.
  • Question
    How do I end a friendship with a fake friend whose family is good friends with my family? We see each other a lot, but this friend isn't very nice to me.
    Community Answer
    You could try talking to this person about their behavior. Just calmly, politely say something like, "You know, I really don't appreciate you saying/doing that. If you want to continue being friends, I need you to be a little nicer." If this doesn't work, just be polite and civil when you have to see them, and ignore them when they're not being nice.
  • Question
    My friend always asks me to sit with her on the bus, but when I get on the bus, she's sitting with another friend. Is she a fake friend?
    Community Answer
    The best way you can find out is to ask her yourself. Ask how she views her friendship with you and others. Tell her that you want to spend more time with her, but feel that you're pushed aside even when you two have made plans. Be prepared for her to push back and deny these things, but if you feel like she isn't being truthful or willing to own up to her mistakes, then you might want to find another friend to spend your time with.
  • Question
    I've been fighting with my friend, and I feel like the trust has been lost. I still want to be friends, but I'm unsure of how to approach him. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Even if it isn't your fault, apologize and tell him how you feel. Tell him you don't want to give up on your friendship. Things might not go back to normal right away, but if he accepts your apology, you can start rebuilding the trust.
  • Question
    I have been a fake friend myself, but I had to be one because I was scared to hurt her. How should I punish myself?
    Community Answer
    You shouldn't punish yourself. That is never the answer. Think about what you've learned from this experience. Maybe you would't make the same choices next time? Sometimes it's okay to tell little white lies to spare a person's feelings, so if you did that, don't be too hard on yourself. If you're really upset, talk to someone about how you're feeling, like another friend, a parent, a counselor, etc.
  • Question
    So it's okay to push people of bad influence out of my life for good?
    Top Answerer
    When I realized that my father is a liar, that he'd been cheating on my mother since forever and that nothing he says is sincere, he didn't stop being my father. Sure, their relationship ended, but I clearly remember feeling free after my realization. I could simply ignore anything he said or did and smile and think my own thoughts. Of course it's OK to push people out if you want to, but you don't have to do so in order do stop their bad influence. Just realizing that the person is a bad influence can be enough to stop the person from influencing you.
  • Question
    I have a "friend" who tries to use everything against me and others. She also tells me things I shouldn't do yet she does them. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    This girl is not your friend. Stop talking to her if you can. If she uses stuff against you, respond with something like "Hmm, fascinating..." then pull your phone or your homework out and act like you're super into it.
  • Question
    I have friend that talks behind my back, makes fun of me, and uses me for popularity. But when I end it, she’ll tell her mom about this, and it will be awkward whenever I see her or her mom. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    End it anyway. Don't stay in a friendship with someone who mistreats you because you're afraid of a little awkwardness. You have ever right to end this friendship and you definitely should. If her mom asks you what happened, tell her the truth!
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