Expert Q&A for How to Date a Widow

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  • Question
    How do you date a widowed man?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Make sure that you do not make any moves toward dating in the immediate aftermath of his wife's death. Each person takes a different amount of time before they feel ready to move toward dating. But otherwise, consider them a typical man. You don't need to think of them as "widowed" after a reasonable amount of time has passed.
  • Question
    How long do widows live after spouse dies?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    This varies greatly with the quality of the marriage, age of the survivor, and openness to moving forward in life without the partner. In some great love relationships when partners are much older, they can die fairly soon after their partner.
  • Question
    How do I date a widower with children?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Slowly and respectfully—especially if the loss is recent. Just be aware that the entire family will be reacting to the absence/loss of their spouse/parent. If after a reasonable amount of time the widow is still talking only of their deceased partner, they may not be ready to move forward.
  • Question
    Are you still considered married when your spouse dies?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    No, not legally. All forms have: single, married, separated, and widowed categories to select from. Even the wedding vows say: "till death do us part." However, some people "feel" married even after a spouse dies.
  • Question
    The man I'm seeing wants to get married, but his home is still full of his ex-wife's belongings. What should I do?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    As you start to talk seriously about re-marriage, have conversations about where you will live, and how you will each contribute some of your furnishings and possessions. If there is no flexibility, it might not be a good match, or he might not be ready to move ahead.
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