Expert Q&A for How to Deal with Mood Swings in a Relationship

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How can I help my boyfriend with mood swings?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If he asks for help, just do your best to show compassion and provide him with the help he needs. If he's being unreasonable though, you may be better off just creating some distance. You aren't going to be able to solve every mood swing, and sometimes, separating yourself and giving them space is the kindest thing you can do.

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Question

How do mood swings affect relationships?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

It totally depends on how the two people involved approach the problem. If the two of you are on the same page and approach the situation as "us versus the problem," it may not have a huge impact on the relationship. If one person in the relationship gets pulled into the orbit of the mood swing and things spiral out of control, it can be a huge deal. It just totally depends on how you approach it.

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Question

How do I not let my partner's mood affect me?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

It's hard, but the best thing you can do is sort of detach yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean you just stand up and walk away, but it does mean you need to kind of check out or remove yourself. Even if you preface it by saying something like, "I love you and I care about you, but I'm going to head into another room for a few minutes and relax," that's probably going to be fine.

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Question

How do you deal with a moody person?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Make it a priority to stay calm; don't get hooked in or react to their behavior. Listen, but suggest a calm break for the two of you after hearing them out, especially if there is repetition or escalation. Let them know you hear them and that you care. Ask what they might need from you.

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Question

What causes a woman to have mood swings?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Some women have mood swings around their menstrual cycle, but don't assume that across the board. Also, don't use the label "mood swing" as it can have negative connotations. Say something like, "Sounds you are feeling sad or down." Then ask if there is something bothering them.

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Question

How do I deal with a moody wife?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Pay attention if it is a recent development or an ongoing pattern. Is it related to pregnancy or post-partum? Are you patient enough? Are you willing to listen to her concerns? If you have tried all of this, ask her what is contributing to her moods or what she is struggling with. Remind her that you care. If her moods are extreme or very serious, suggest a therapist. Let her know you are willing to accompany her.

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Question

What do you do when your boyfriend has mood swings?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

If the changes in his mood are fairly extreme, it can be related to a mental health problem. However, it can also be a result of substances or certain food groups like sugar, lots of soda, etc. Be understanding, kind, and soft-spoken. Pay attention to the frequency and circumstances. Ask him what might be contributing to his feelings. Share any observations you notice.

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