Expert Q&A for How to Deal with a Passive Aggressive Mother

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  • Question
    What are the characteristics of a passive-aggressive person?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    They tend to not communicate in a direct manner. They circumvent directness through various subtle, and not so subtle, manipulative ways. Instead of saying "no" to something, they may go on about how the situation isn't ideal until you change the plan.
  • Question
    How do you deal with a passive-aggressive person?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    They are not fun to deal with. Don't feed into the manipulation or indirectness. Make "I" statements and be clear in your own communication, requests, and responses. For example, "I really want to go to that movie, so I could go alone or with someone else if you don't want to go."
  • Question
    What causes passive-aggressive behavior?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Often it is learned. Some families handle disagreements in indirect ways so passive-aggressiveness is used outside of the home as well because that's what they are familiar with. However, the behavior is not productive.
  • Question
    What does passive aggressive mean in a relationship?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    It means that you or the other person uses manipulation to get their way. If they don't like something, they make sure nobody has a good time.
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