Q&A for How to Give Someone Space Without Losing Them

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  • Question
    How do you ask someone if they need space without being offensive?
    Lena Dicken, Psy.D
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Dr. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist with the state of California.
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Say something like “Do you need some time to process what you're going through on your own? Do you need space?” Or just simply “Tell me what you need? Would it be helpful for you to talk right now? Or would it be helpful for you to just have some space?”
  • Question
    Does getting space mean breaking up?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    No, not necessarily. In fact, if you respect your partner’s desire for space, it could potentially make the relationship stronger. If you have concerns, have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner about why they want space and what it means for your relationship.
  • Question
    What does it mean to give someone space?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    It can mean a few different things. For example, it might literally mean spending time apart or not talking to each other for a while, or cutting back on physical intimacy a bit. It could also mean giving them emotional space—for example, not asking them how they’re feeling, demanding their attention, or checking in on them quite so often.
  • Question
    Can space help a relationship?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    Definitely. In fact, it’s totally healthy and normal for people in a relationship to need space from time to time. Getting space occasionally--whether that means going out by yourself for a walk or taking a break from each other for a week or two--is a good way to maintain healthy boundaries and keep you and your partner from getting on each other’s nerves too much.
  • Question
    My boyfriend asked for space but he can’t tell how long It will last. It’s been a week now and I’m wondering if I should ask him again.
    Maya ballinger
    Community Answer
    No don't do that as it will only make the situation worse and he may end up ignoring you for longer. The best way is to ride it out and ask why it was so long and what caused the situation when you get back together. If he gives you the cold shoulder tell him politely that you no longer wish to see him and hope he finds someone that he had a connection with in the future.
  • Question
    My boyfriend said he needs space and that he still loves me as a person but is no longer in love with me? I'm lost and confused. I told him I didn't want to break up but that I'd give him his space.
    Community Answer
    He is very clear about this relationship. He admires you the way you are but he no more feels any romantic love for you. There are guys who stop loving and also hating the girl. So, don't feel rejected. You can't keep him when he is already sure of leaving. It is neither right nor fulfilling. Let's think about how to be so stunning a person that you seem unavoidable for those who have you in life. You are still loved as a person. You just need to not allow yourself to settle for second best. Find your passion and experience richness outside of him.
  • Question
    What if the partner did not state the main reason why he or she needed space?
    Community Answer
    The best way to know what's going on is found by asking them. If they have clear-cut answers that you also see as valid reasons, then it may be true, or half true. See if they seem interested in spending time with you and how well they feel with others. Lastly, notice if they have changed dramatically and seem happy while away from you. If they are interested or not will get clearer over time.
  • Question
    She feels happy without talking to me? After I gave her space? She is enjoying time with her friends?
    Community Answer
    If you feel unloved or left out, express your feelings directly to her. If she feels nothing even then, you can choose to be where you feel most accepted. Often that place is in your own company. Love yourself, explore yourself by accepting challenges while following your duties or learning something new. Life is changing, just grow as a person and be clear about your values and self-worth so no one takes you for granted.
  • Question
    How do I know he is done having some space without him hurting me?
    Community Answer
    In a loving and a friendly relationship, one partner feels free to express anything without the other hurting them. Nor does one take decisions for the other. Find out the need for him seeking space. Take care of those issues amicably. Figure out if this relationship is freeing and builds each other up or if it is confining and stressing you both. If it does not feel right, it may be time to make amends or take clear decisions.
  • Question
    I have apologised and given him space but he is still ignoring me?
    Community Answer
    If you ask him more and more to be with you, he will deliberately stat away. Love brings two people together. If you both have distanced so much, emotionally, it is better to rediscover your true passion and follow your dreams. This journey will help you be less clingy, and also make you aware of who loves you and who doesn't.
  • Question
    Is it okay to give 5 to months of space in a relationship? We were deeply in love, now she tells she doesn't love me and wants to give me some space. Also she tells don't keep expectations that I'll be back.
    Community Answer
    Five months or less, giving space does not mean going away from eachother as much as it means distancing for a little bit and getting closer to yourself or any other activity. Since she has made her desire clear that she does not intend to stay with you anymore, diving into it will not go somewhere fruitful. Try to let her go, even from your thoughts because she has done it too. Get put of painful relationships and follow your dreams. If you don't have anything in particular to chase, how about you solve your problems about being a better version of you?
  • Question
    Is going on a break and giving space the same thing?
    Community Answer
    People can do all sorts of things under the pretext of a break or needing space. You need to know from their behavior why they need either. Individual partners decide their own rules for a break which can be total physical distancing or giving space which can be done while still being together, being in touch.
  • Question
    I've been in a relationship for 6 years now and we have a 4 year old daughter. We love each other very much but he wants to move on and focus on himself. Why?
    Community Answer
    It's difficult to make assumptions as you said "we" love each other. Is there something that he loves but can't get because you deny it? Things like these might push him towards finding them outside of the relationship. If you can help him find himself, try it. You both go on self-discovery, together. Set healthy boundaries so neither feels intimidated, limited or disturbed. Allow him to talk with others, watch what he likes, play any sport he likes etc and you do it too as you choose. If it fails, ask about the child's future and financial support and move on.
  • Question
    How to deal with a partner who doesn't give you time and when we meet all we do is have sex?
    Community Answer
    If they have sexual needs that no one fulfills except you, they get what they want from you. If you seek time or anything else that is more nurturing than sexual contact and if your partner doesn't fulfill those needs, you have to see if that's how you want to lead your life. If not, let them know that it's been very unfulfilling for you and you'd like to seek away from them.
  • Question
    My boyfriend asked for space 3 weeks ago. In between he sends a random message. Not like before where it was every day: I miss you, I'm thinking about you. Suddenly he went cold.
    Community Answer
    Wanting space can be healthy. He might be missing you and so he sent that message. These tests can help both of you to become emotionally closer and feel more positive about your relationship. Try not to see this from just a negative point of view. See if he really misses you and what actions caused the need for seeking space. And then try to value each other and not question everything that happens throughout the day.
  • Question
    Can I ask for space if we are in a distant relationship?
    Community Answer
    Yes, you can. Distance relationships have a lot of online communications methods available to keep in touch. You can take a break from those. Make your online presence more about listening and sharing. Balance your emotions and be reasonable. If your partner is doing it without a reason, ask them why.
  • Question
    My boyfriend stated his reasons before asking for space. He said I'm stressing him out and I said okay, if the space can make you feel better, you can take it... I hope I'm not making a mistake?
    Community Answer
    Don't think about it that way. If you are talkative, very curious, introspective and easily annoyed or upset, he might want a break. If he likes it that way and comes back to you, you can decide if it's okay with you. Whatever the situation, you have to see why he needs space and if you agree with his reasons. If you don't, you both cannot force each other to stay together feeling stressed.
  • Question
    How does she miss me if she has taken space from me?
    Community Answer
    People try distancing to get the olden day charm back. May be she misses something that you used to do or she wants to bring more fondness by being away after which you both would want to spend more quality time together without bothering about other issues.
  • Question
    Is it okay to give financial support to your spouse after they ask for space?
    Community Answer
    Yes absolutely. In fact, it is essential to fulfill your responsibilities while maintaining a healthy distance.
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