Q&A for How to Make Up with a Friend

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  • Question
    Should you let someone know they hurt you?
    Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. With over nine years of professional and research experience, Dr. Mesrobian specializes in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services. She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Absolutely! Still, be conscious while doing so and avoid accusations. Discuss with them which of their actions were upsetting to you by utilizing I-statements (for example, say something like "When you said that, I felt it was an attack against me.").
  • Question
    How do you make up with a friend after a fight?
    Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. With over nine years of professional and research experience, Dr. Mesrobian specializes in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services. She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    First, acknowledge what could have been different about your behavior and take accountability for your actions. Reducing blame and accusation and explaining your experience will help reduce defensiveness and allow for the relationship to repair.
  • Question
    How do I make up with a friend whose feelings I hurt?
    Community Answer
    Tell her that you're sorry, and the situation was your fault. Don't try to make excuses. Tell her that you hope she still wants to be your friend and that you'll give her some space if she needs it.
  • Question
    I am 12 and my best friend has blocked me on social media, deleted my number and won't let me see her. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Write her a note or send a letter saying you're sorry, even if it wasn't your fault. Or, go up to her, and if she doesn't want to talk, just give her time.
  • Question
    What if I called some of my friends really bad names? Will they ever forgive me for that?
    Community Answer
    It depends on the person and exactly what you said to them. Apologize sincerely and tell them it will never happen again. Say that you really hope they can forgive you, because you really care about them, and then just give them some space. Leave it up to them.
  • Question
    I want to make up with my friend, even though I don't understand why she is so annoyed at me. I try making up, but she keeps bringing up stuff that isn't important. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    You don't think those things are important, but she obviously does, or she wouldn't be upset. Apologize for whatever she's upset about, even if you don't think you did anything wrong. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person in life, especially if you want to maintain friendships.
  • Question
    What should I do if I don't know what I did to upset a friend?
    Community Answer
    Ask her what is bothering her. It might be family or at-home problems and she is taking it out on you. If she won't budge and she won't tell you what is wrong, you could try telling a teacher or counselor that you are worried about your friend. If she seems like she just needs some space, give it to her, and try talking to her again in a few days.
  • Question
    I accidentally hurt my friend this morning, and now I want to apologize to him. Should I do it?
    Community Answer
    Of course! Tell him that you're sorry about hurting him and that you'll do your best to make sure it doesn't happen again in the future. Tell him you hope you can still be friends. I'm sure he will forgive you.
  • Question
    What should I do if my friend and I got into a fight over text and she refuses to talk to me online and in person? We'll see each other at school tomorrow.
    Community Answer
    Try to stop her in the hallway and pull her aside, and let her know that you are sorry for whatever you did. She will probably do the same. If she's not ready to make up right away, be patient. Sometimes it takes someone a little while to get over hurt feelings.
  • Question
    I apologized to my best friend for a big fight that was my fault. I got no response, and my friend won't reply to my messages. Does this mean our friendship is over?
    Community Answer
    Try to give your friend some time and space - a few days, perhaps a week - and try talking to your friend again. If your friend still doesn't want to talk, you may need to move on.
  • Question
    What if my friend doesn't want to be friends anymore?
    Community Answer
    If your friend doesn't want to be friends anymore, then you just need to accept this decision and move on. You can't control the way others react, and friendship requires the consent of both people.
  • Question
    My best friend is trying to make up with me, but I can't forgive her. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Tell her that you need some time/space to figure things out. Think about what happened and try to decide if you want to continue this friendship or not. If you end the friendship over this, will you regret it in the future? You don't have to forgive her right now if you're not right. Your friend should understand if you need to take a break for a while.
  • Question
    My best friend and I have recently had a disagreement about something, and she wont talk to me. I've made her dessert, given gifts, etc., and she just wont budge. My friends have tried to help, too. Any tips?
    Community Answer
    If you've tried everything and she still hasn't forgiven you, then maybe it's time to move on.
  • Question
    What if she doesn't trust me any more and hates me, and she's going to spread rumors about me? What can I do?
    Community Answer
    If she's threatening to spread rumors about you, that's wrong, and you should tell an adult. If you did something to hurt her, apologize for it, but two wrongs don't make a right. She shouldn't be threatening you just because she's upset. Ask a teacher, counselor, parent, etc. to intervene.
  • Question
    How do I make up with a friend after we both said hateful things towards each other?
    Community Answer
    Apologize for what you are sorry for first. This may prompt them to say sorry as well. If not, don't pressure them. Once they know you're trying to make up with them, they'll probably say sorry eventually, and then you guys should agree to never say such hateful things to each other again.
  • Question
    I am 12 and I had a massive fight with my best friend. I called her names and now I need to apologize but I don't know how. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Try to meet up face to face and just apologize. Tell her that you said some things in the heat of the moment that you really didn't mean, and that you're very sorry. Tell her how much her friendship means to you and that you sincerely hope she can find a way to forgive you. If she doesn't forgive you immediately, just give her some time. She will probably come around.
  • Question
    What do I do if I miss a friend after I told them I didn't want to be friends anymore because I love them?
    Community Answer
    If you're rethinking this decision and you want to be friends with them again, you should just ahead and tell them that. However, if you truly know that the friendship is a bad idea because of your romantic feelings, you'll just have to endure missing them. It will get easier with time as your feelings start to fade.
  • Question
    How do I tell my parent I don't want to apologize to a friend when I don't really want to be friends with them anymore?
    Community Answer
    The best thing to do is to be honest. Be kind about it though. Tell them how you really feel and they will accept it. If they don’t then give it time. Make sure you give them little notes of love and gesture. Things will usually smooth over with time.
  • Question
    How do I make up with a friend when it was their fault but they think it's mine?
    Community Answer
    Apologize for whatever you did even if you don’t know, if they did something wrong and you started to ignore them, then depending on the kind of person they are they might be too stubborn to admit they are wrong. Or you did something you may not know about. Apologize anyway and see if they apologize for what they did as well.
  • Question
    A friend and I have had a fallout about a text she sent which sounded mean. I'm not exactly sure if she meant to be mean and when I questioned her about it she just made a joke. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    If it was just a joke, understand that she did not mean it in a mean way. If you really felt uncomfortable by it, tell her that you did not appreciate it and that you would like it if she didn't say jokes like that again. If she did mean for it to be mean, ask her to explain why so the two of you can sort things out.
  • Question
    Both me and my friend have said sorry, but I'm not sure if she was sincere or not. I really want to make up with her, but she said some really horrible things to me.
    Hannah Madden
    Community Answer
    If your friend wasn't sincere about their apology, it will be hard for you to forgive them. Try asking what you two can do in the future to avoid conflict to see if she's thought about her actions. Keep an open mind and bring some suggestions for the two of you to talk about.
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