Q&A for How to Refuse a Marriage Proposal

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Should you accept or decline a marriage proposal?

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach
Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.

Nicolette Tura, MA

Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Think about what constitutes a healthy marriage, and what your motivations for saying “yes” would be. Marriage probably won’t save a struggling relationship, but it can enrich a healthy one.

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Question

Why would someone reject a marriage proposal?

Community Answer

A marriage proposal might be rejected for a variety of reasons. The person may not be ready for commitment yet, feel pressured, not appreciate being asked in a public environment, not be sure about you as a lifelong partner, be in love with someone else, feel too nervous, be scared by the idea, be caught unawares, and much more. Assume nothing and be prepared to follow up to talk about it, without being mean, pressurizing or angry.

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I got a proposal, my family accepted it but the guy didn't reveal his decision. I tried to contact him, but he never showed interest. Now I'm in love with another guy, so what shall I do?

Community Answer

You should focus on your new chapter in life, and be happy with the person your in love with. If fate brings you and the person who proposed back together, then focus on that part of life, too.

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Can you please tell me how to tell a man I don't want any children with him?

Community Answer

If you are in a relationship with this man and he wants children but you don't, you must talk to him and explain how you feel. If he is a good man, he will understand. He then has the choice to do one of two things: a) stay with you, content to not have children, or b) end the relationship if he wants to have children more than he wants to stay with you. If he chooses option b, then you know he wasn't the man for you anyway.

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Is it OK to let a man feel nervous about asking to marry him? I think I will say yes when the time comes, but I feel he should never assume I will say yes.

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

There are some points in life when it's good to be clear. This is one of them. No one should ever really ask to marry someone if unsure whether the answer will be yes. It's his job to be sure. He must think about your feelings, know where you stand in life, know what your dreams and hopes and ambitions are, and you should share those with him - you love him, after all. Of course it's OK if he feels nervous, as it's an exciting step. But if you're making him doubt just because you don't want him to assume he has you, that's just playing games. You take this step together - show your true colors.

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Question

I loved a boy from a different religion. I later I realized I can't convert, but he got all his family involved and now I'm in position to accept it. I don't want to; how should I tell them?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

The sooner you tell him, the smaller your problems will be. In the end, we all have to do what's best for ourselves first. If you're not happy, you can't help someone else be happy. As to how to say it, be kind and gentle, allow him to be sad, but accept no deals. If you don't want it, then it doesn't happen.

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Question

I declined a marriage proposal and tried to end the relationship, as there's no point of keeping it going, but the guy does not want to end anything! What should I do to make him understand and move on?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

For any relationship to work, the love has to be at the same level. Since you said no, he made the mistake of either not checking or assuming you were. The relationship doesn't have to end, but if you want it to be over, then it is; you don't need anyone's permission or agreement for it to be over. Everything else is just practical arrangements. If you've understood, then it's no longer your problem what he understands. If he refuses to leave you alone, contact the authorities, who will perhaps have an easier time of convincing him that it's over.

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