Q&A for How to Reject a Marriage Proposal

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  • Question
    How do I reject a proposal without hurting the other person?
    Nicolette Tura, MA
    Empowerment Coach
    Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.
    Empowerment Coach
    Expert Answer
    Just let them know that marriage is a big step and you're not ready yet. However, let them know what they did was brave.
  • Question
    Is 60 too old to accept a marriage proposal?
    Community Answer
    Its never too late for anything, it is only late if the outcome of the decision would affect people (especially yourself) negatively. Do what you feel is right. After all, not all of ours have the privileges to grow old with our love. Take the opportunity if your heart and mind are completely on the same page.
  • Question
    My boyfriend said he wants to 'get physical' with me because I did all these steps when he popped the question. What do I do now?
    Community Answer
    If your partner has/is threatened you with harm, you need to take those threats seriously. File a report to the police, tell friends and family and remember this, it's better to be safe than sorry. A bent ego is never an excuse for violence.
  • Question
    My boyfriend doesn't want to marry, but his family is pressuring him. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Be on his side. Tell his family you aren't ready for that and ask them to let the two of you make your own choices about your relationship. Put up a united front. Maybe have him tell his family directly that he does not appreciate them pressuring him into getting married and the decision is not theirs to make.
  • Question
    I ran away from my girlfriend because she proposed to me in front of people in the mall (we first met there). Should I leave her or work things through?
    Community Answer
    What do you want to do? If you want to keep things going, then try to work it out with her. If you've been together long enough for her to have figured out that a public proposal wouldn't be your thing but she went ahead anyway, then your relationship might be in trouble. As such, any such working things through must begin with figuring out why she didn't respect your preferences.
  • Question
    Can a woman reject a marriage proposal because of physical appearance?
    Community Answer
    You can reject a person for any reason provided you're polite about it. There's no need to tell him he's too ugly to be your baby daddy. Just say that you're flattered but it's not where you saw the relationship heading and you're not ready for the commitment. However, you might want to rethink things -- he may have a lovely personality due to not having the good looks, and many a good looking person can lack in that department.
  • Question
    How can I break an engagement?
    Community Answer
    It's pretty simple; you have to tell your fiance you can't marry him for your given reasons, and then be prepared to tell your friends and family. It might be tough, but it's better than marrying someone you don't love.
  • Question
    I'm not ready to get married, but my family is forcing me to. How can I refuse to a guy?
    Community Answer
    Your family can't force you to marry someone; your life is yours to live, and you have the right to choose not to wed someone. Honestly and calmly tell the man in-person your feelings toward him.
  • Question
    What if my boyfriend asks me to marry him but I say no? Are we still together or does that mean we have broken up?
    Community Answer
    Talk to him and work that out together. If you're just not ready to get married yet, tell him that. If you're absolutely sure you do not want to marry him, now or ever, be honest. He deserves to know the truth. If you think the two of you have a future together, there's a good chance you can make it through this challenge.
  • Question
    I want to marry my boyfriend, but his family is pressuring him to marry another girl. How do I stop this marriage?
    Community Answer
    You can't stop it. It should be your boyfriend's choice who he wants to marry. If he wants to be with you, he should tell his family that so they stop trying to convince him to marry someone else.
  • Question
    I proposed to my boyfriend a year ago; we are now moving in together. I realized that I don't want to get married anymore. Is it too late to tell him, or should I simply say no at the proposal?
    Top Answerer
    This is perfectly normal. At point A in time (a year ago) you thought about what you want and feel and think, and concluded you wanted to get married. That's a logical and emotionally fair thing to do. Now, at a later point in time, in addition to all those aspects that led you to that conclusion, you have found several new elements in your feelings and thoughts, and perhaps have come to feel differently about things you already knew then, and your conclusion has changed. It's not fickle, it's not frivolous, it's very normal and human. It is never too late to tell him, but do it today.
  • Question
    How can I turn down a marriage proposal without hurting him?
    Top Answerer
    Being turned down will hurt him, no matter what you do. Be kind and sweet, give hugs and comfort. Provide for a way to save face to keep his pride intact. "I would definitely consider marrying you, but I'm not ready now." However, also consider this: It's his job to find out how you feel about marriage, and if the answer is going to be no, he really shouldn't have asked you in the first place. So he failed to take your feelings into account. You don't have to be angry for that (though you'd be right to be a bit angry), but getting rejected was his own fault, so may he suffer the consequences.
  • Question
    How do I refuse marriage if my family is forcing me into it?
    Community Answer
    Try to talk to them about it. But if you know that your family will not listen to you, get away from them. If your family is trying to force you into something that you don't want, its only for personal gain. They may gaslight you and try to guilt trip you or even give you away, but your life is yours and you are an adult able to make your own choices. Get into contact with local law enforcement if it against the law in your country, to have them step in and help you out. If not, getting into contact with friends (people whom you can definitely trust to not take your parent's side or tell your parents your intentions) and ask them for help to escape the situation. Some human rights groups will assist in countries where child marriage or forced marriage is considered legal.
  • Question
    How can I tell my parents that I don't want to be married?
    Community Answer
    Know your civil right first that you don't have to marry if you don't want to, legally. Then assure your parents how you can support yourself when you'll be on your own. Parents want their children to marry so after their deaths, the child has their children and a spouse to look after them.
  • Question
    Hi I'm against marriage (for myself) because I just dislike the idea, so what do I tell my boyfriend?
    Community Answer
    Break the news to him by chance. Like while watching a movie, just say something like, 'I'd never get married'. If your boyfriend asks why, explain why not with some reasons. If he doesn't ask, explain anyway by saying why you think it's not for you. If he still doesn't inquire, he may be aware that you don't want to marry. Maybe he doesn't want to either. If he feels heartbroken, make a decision if he can stay with you without the commitment to marry or without such a future. If he can't, give him time to deal with it and leave in the time he feels ready to detach from you.
  • Question
    I have a boyfriend and we love each other, but my family is opposed to our marriage. They are making me marry someone else whom I don't want to marry. What should I do now? How can I stop this marriage?
    Community Answer
    Your life is yours, women are not the property of their parents but whole, independent, self-actualized people who are free to make their own choices in life. No one can control your decisions or choices. If they do not respect your decisions, then that is on them. Always do what’s good for you; you have to live with the consequences of being married to someone you do not care for, not your parents. If this is likely to cause a family rupture, then realize that even that is preferable to an interminable life of misery living with the wrong person day in, day out. Your parents will come around eventually to the reality that you have every right to make your own decisions in life.
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