Q&A for How to Think of Quick Witted Comebacks

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  • Question
    How can I make up an insult really quickly?
    Community Answer
    Take a good look at the person or think about who the person is and stuff they said and base your comeback on that. It helps to have a set of witty comebacks learned off by heart for such moments. If you're really good with such comebacks naturally, it usually means you've had to defend yourself a lot in family life, which isn't a great start to life and can leave you constantly being sarcastic, so don't use this as a common way of responding to people.
  • Question
    What if the other person is really good at comebacks and I freeze?
    Community Answer
    Think about what's happening and come back. If anything, just laugh. It will show that you don't really care what he said and that it didn't hurt you.
  • Question
    How do I respond to, "Shut up [my name], no one likes you"?
    Community Answer
    Keep your composure. Just look them in the eye and don't look away. People find this intimidating. You can also ask them to repeat what they said, because it is never funny the second time. You can also say, "The feeling's mutual" or, "No one cares about your opinion" or something like that.
  • Question
    How do I say a comeback without hurting someone's feelings?
    Community Answer
    Say something like, "Aww, that's cute... but can we get back to what we were doing? I'd much prefer being nice". It works every time.
  • Question
    What am I supposed to do when all my friends are extremely good at comebacks because they have almost genius IQs?
    Community Answer
    Just because they are smart doesn't mean they know every comeback in the book. Just find some that fit the situation.
  • Question
    What do I do if the person I hate the most is the one hurting me? All she says are things like, "the trash, where you belong, etc."
    Community Answer
    Using the same focus in the insult they made, find a flaw they have in that area. Think, maybe she called you ugly, but you can see that ugly mole behind her ear. Point it out. But always use creativity. Know they are not perfect. If you are really stuck, say "Yeah, you're a good friend too", making sure to say it sarcastically.
  • Question
    What if their comeback is illogical? How do I respond?
    Community Answer
    Just try to make them feel stupid about what they said. You could say something like, "What on earth does that mean?" or "Do you think these things through before opening your mouth?"
  • Question
    How do I come up with quick witted comebacks against a group?
    Community Answer
    Use the group's weaknesses. For example, if they are all dressed similarly or have something in common, come up with a comment about that. You can also bring up something from someone's past that really embarrassed that person. Then, the group will pick on one of their own instead of you.
  • Question
    My frenemy insults me a lot. I need a comeback, any ideas?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    "Why are you crying/looking so sad? Is it because of your hair?" "You know I don't mind that you're not smart. Or pretty. What I do mind is that your parents are brother and sister." "If you ate some of that makeup, you would be pretty on the inside too." "If she ever meets you, even Hello Kitty would say goodbye." "You know, I know three fat people and you're two of them." "If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."
  • Question
    What can I do if I'm not terribly creative?
    Community Answer
    Memorize some comebacks. For example: "You must have been born on the highway, because that's where most accidents happen."
  • Question
    What can I do if there a lot of people verbally attacking me?
    Community Answer
    Remove yourself from the situation.
  • Question
    What if they are saying I have a crush on somebody, and I am embarrassed?
    Community Answer
    Say "and what makes you think that?". If they ask why, say "really, you really think that?". Then scoff and roll your eyes. If they don't know what to say, say "that's what I thought" and walk away.
  • Question
    What if the person I'm battling won't back down? Should I leave? I don't want to seem cowardly.
    Embrace Adventure
    Community Answer
    If they started it, try ignoring their insults. People often look for emotion or a response when insulting others, so staying silent might frustrate them into giving up.
  • Question
    What if I say a decent comeback and the guy just laughs at me?
    Community Answer
    That usually means they don't know what to say back. Take it as a win!
  • Question
    What do I do when a person roasts me and I can't think of a good comeback?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Well, honestly, if that happens and you can't think of a good comeback, you're going to get roasted. You can always remove yourself from the situation by walking away. If it turns into harassment, you have a right to file a complaint, or at least point out that this behavior has gone too far. But the key in avoiding this lies in preparation. There are many sentences you can come up with beforehand that apply to just about any situation, that you can say to stop things. Just one example: "Maybe if you ate some of that makeup, you'd be pretty on the inside, too."
  • Question
    What if I think the comeback is not good enough and it will embarrass me?
    Community Answer
    A huge factor in comebacks is confidence. So if you don't think it's good enough, don't say it and use it as a learning experience.
  • Question
    How do I think of quick witted comebacks if kids are using code words to insult me and I don't know what they mean?
    Community Answer
    Try something like, "What, you're too scared to actually insult me to my face?" If they say something to you not in code after that, use the tips in the article.
  • Question
    What should I say after I make a witty comeback, but the person I insulted doesn't get it?
    Community Answer
    Say something like, "Wow, you're even slower than I thought you were," or, "You don't get it? Why am I not surprised."
  • Question
    How do I think of quick witted comebacks to use on a family member?
    Community Answer
    Think of very embarrassing moments for that person. You can probably remember some since you're family. Then you can say something like, "At least I'm not the person who pooped on the floor in the grocery store!" and just walk away.
  • Question
    When someone insults me, and everyone goes 'oooooohh,' as if to say it's a tough act to follow, how can I be sure I have a comeback that makes everyone say 'ooooohh' too?
    Sloane_barbre
    Community Answer
    Take the insult that your opponent used, figure out what it is that made everyone 'oooooohh', and use that in your comeback.
  • Question
    What if they comeback your comeback? Do you comeback that? Or something else?
    Community Answer
    The best way to not get roasted after your comeback backfires is to have an almost impenetrable comeback. However, if that really isn't possible, you should comeback their comeback.
  • Question
    How do I make good comebacks towards someone who is really good at it?
    Community Answer
    Try to find their weakness and use that to attack them. Find or think of some ways to target that weakness. At the same time, identify your own weaknesses that he keeps targeting, and find some comebacks for the things he might say.
  • Question
    How do I reply to a sarcastic remark?
    Community Answer
    You can simply say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Really try to pick it apart.
  • Question
    What do I do if I forget and freeze when I'm being insulted?
    Community Answer
    Don't forget that you don't always have to make a witty comeback. Never let them walk all over you, but if it's too late to make your comeback, then just end the conversation. For example: "Thanks for spending time with me, I appreciate it" or "I would roast you, but my mum said I'm not allowed to burn trash." And then simply walk away from it.
  • Question
    How do I make a subtle but biting comeback when debating with someone?
    Community Answer
    It mostly depends on what you mean by debating. If it is an actual debate in front of a real audience, use the crowd as a tool. One example is, say your opponent makes a stinging insult to you, look at the audience, smile and sarcastically say something along the lines of "Wow! I think (name) just pieced more than 5 words at a time!" and then back up your opinion. When it comes to debates, the crowd's support is really what matters. If its just an argument, its go big or go home, so don't be afraid to use harsh comebacks!
  • Question
    How do I respond when people make comments about my weight?
    Community Answer
    Weight is usually not a thing to joke about. You know you are good looking no matter what they say, and you can tell them that. If you really want a comeback, here’s one I made. “At least my weight can be changed using exercise and a diet. The only thing that will fix your swelling ego is kindness. Try it, you’ll like it!” However, I think it would be much better to get a teacher of boss in the situation. That way, it’s easier to see who’s the more mature one (you).
  • Question
    What do I do if I'm mocked when making a comeback?
    Community Answer
    You can just say "I left you speechless, so you took my words." And you could follow up with "but don't worry it's okay, I expect nothing less from a person like you." Saying this makes them question themselves.
  • Question
    How do I come up with quick witted comebacks if my friend is sensitive?
    Community Answer
    Use light sarcasam. Don't say anything mean. Maybe you could make fun of some one she/he doesn't like? Instead of coming up with something, you could add onto something that your friend said. Or, you could even say something witty in defence of your friend if you're being bullied. Like; "I know you're tired of having to pick on people to get power, but my friend stayed up half the night and didn't look sleepy when she came into class."
  • Question
    I have a lot of friends who will insult me in a really subtle way. They'll say things like "Your hair is so pretty, even if you put in no effort, like today". What could I do?
    Community Answer
    Maybe you could say something like: "Sorry, I was just using you as an example for my hairstyle."
  • Question
    I have good comebacks, I just always stutter when I say them? Any advice?
    Aleena Campbell
    Community Answer
    Plan ahead! If you're thinking them up on the spot or trying to remember something you saw, you're going to stutter. Pick a few really good comebacks that you like and memorize them, so you'll be ready.
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