Do you often feel afraid or insecure about the state of your relationships, worrying that you might be rejected by someone you care about? You’re not alone. Abandonment issues can be triggered by many things, including dysfunctional relationships, and the effects of having abandonment issues can range from mild to severe. Often, they manifest as intense anxiety about being abandoned or excluded.
Like many common fears and anxieties, abandonment issues can be overcome in time–and recognizing them is the first step. That’s why we created a comprehensive quiz to help you identify whether you may have abandonment issues. The sooner you understand and face your anxieties, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy happy relationships without fear of being left behind.
Questions Overview
- No. I think I’ve got a pretty great support system.
- It’s happened a couple of times, but it’s definitely not a regular thing.
- Yes, there has been someone who made me doubt myself.
- Yes, I have close ties with people who criticize me and compare me to others.
- Never. I have people I trust to stick by me no matter what.
- Rarely. I do think that way from time to time, but I know it’s unlikely.
- Sometimes. Despite evidence to the contrary, I think people will reject me.
- Always. I expect rejection from friends, partners, family—anyone.
- No, I like where we’re at—and if I didn’t, I’d talk to them about it.
- I worry that we’re a little out of sync at times, but we usually work through it.
- I’ve seriously questioned how strong our bond is multiple times.
- That's always how I feel, and I'm terrified we’ll always be like this.
- I don’t worry about that. They say I'm important to them, and I believe it.
- I worry about that occasionally, but I can usually push those fears aside.
- It’s a fear of mine. When I voice that fear, my friends try to reassure me.
- I’m constantly afraid of that, and I don’t know what I’ll do when it happens.
- I think we’re on the same page and care for one another equally.
- It’s crossed my mind, but I can tell it’s just stress, so I ignore it.
- Yes, I’ve thought about that before. Sometimes I can’t shake the thought.
- Yes, I’m positive that I care for them more than they care for me.
- No. I’m pretty quick to reach out to someone I trust for help.
- I feel nervous about it sometimes, but I usually ask for help in the end.
- Yes, it’s difficult. I tend to worry that I’m asking for too much.
- It’s impossible. It used to be easier for me, but now, I never ask for help.
- I’ve never felt like that, no. I tend to be pretty chill around others.
- I think it might’ve happened once, but I never knew exactly what happened.
- I feel like I’ve done that a few times. I’m trying to be a little less intense.
- Yes, that happens often. I just get so scared of losing them that I can’t let go.
- I don’t worry about that. I am who I am, and I’m proud of it.
- I worry about that occasionally, but I know it won’t fix my problems.
- I tend to compare myself to others more often than not, and I worry often.
- I’m constantly convinced I’ll never measure up to anyone else.
- I think I’m generous, but not to the point of overextending myself.
- When I really care about the other person, I occasionally overextend myself.
- Sometimes. I feel like it’s safer to be overly generous than the other way around.
- All the time. I’ll do anything to make someone happy, even if it’s not healthy for me.
- I’d feel so much relief. I don’t want to have relationships like that in my life.
- Cutting ties isn’t easy for me, but ultimately I think I’d see it’s for the best.
- Even though they were toxic, it’d be tough. I would feel rejected regardless.
- I would feel devastated. I think I’d have a hard time trusting others, too.
- I think my friends DO know the real me, and I know they won’t reject me.
- It’s occurred to me, but I won’t let that stop me from opening up to them.
- I do worry about that, and it’s a real battle to let my guard down as a result.
- I absolutely think that and feel like I need to put on a front to get them to like me.
- No, that’s never happened to me before.
- Sort of. I’ve fallen out with someone in the past, but nothing too serious.
- Yes. I worry that it colors my relationships sometimes, but I don’t want it to.
- Yes, and I can’t shake the memories of it. I’m afraid it’ll happen again.
More Quizzes
The fact that you can still comfortably trust other people, even if you\u2019ve had a bad experience or two, is also a positive sign for all of your current and future relationships. You likely find it easy to ask for help and tell people when you need something because you know that asserting yourself doesn\u2019t make you unworthy of love.
If you do ever feel like you\u2019re grappling with abandonment issues or other fears and anxieties, be sure to consult a professional therapist for help. Resources like the American Psychological Association (APA) and Psychology Today can help you get in touch with a licensed mental health professional, or you can check out an online therapy provider like BetterHelp<\/a><\/b>.
Betterhelp<\/a><\/b> is the world\u2019s largest online therapy provider and has helped over 3 million people improve their mental health and their relationships. They provide online therapy, couples therapy, and even chat sessions. Just answer a few questions<\/a><\/b>, and Betterhelp will match you with a personalized provider to guide you in your journey toward a happier you.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Searching-for-Validation-From-Others"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Make-New-Friends-Quickly"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Stop Searching for Validation From Others","id":11741997,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Searching-for-Validation-From-Others","image":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/fa\/Stop-Searching-for-Validation-From-Others-Step-10.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Searching-for-Validation-From-Others-Step-10.jpg","alt":"How to Stop Searching for Validation From Others"},{"title":"How to Make New Friends Quickly","id":1593840,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Make-New-Friends-Quickly","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e4\/Make-New-Friends-Quickly-Step-19-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Make-New-Friends-Quickly-Step-19-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Make New Friends Quickly"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You may have slight abandonment issues.","meaning":"It\u2019s completely normal to have small fears and anxieties around abandonment, especially if it\u2019s happened to you before. Based on your answers, you may have some of these fears, but they likely aren\u2019t impacting you too badly.
While you may get nervous around the idea of a partner or your friends rejecting you, you can also detect those unhealthy thoughts and recognize them for what they are: fears, not facts. Being mindful of bad habits and negative thought patterns means it\u2019ll be easier to break them in the future.
Just remember that you should always try to be your own primary source of validation and love. Don\u2019t run yourself ragged looking for approval from other people when true friends and partners should love you for exactly who you are.
If you feel you have abandonment issues, consider talking to a professional therapist for help in overcoming them and creating healthy relationships with friends and loved ones. Resources like the American Psychological Association (APA) and Psychology Today can help you get in touch with a licensed mental health professional, or you can check out an online therapy provider like BetterHelp<\/a><\/b>.
Betterhelp<\/a><\/b> is the world\u2019s largest online therapy provider and has helped over 3 million people improve their mental health and their relationships. They provide online therapy, couples therapy, and even chat sessions. Just answer a few questions<\/a><\/b>, and Betterhelp will match you with a personalized provider to guide you in your journey toward a happier you.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Regain-Trust-in-Someone"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Know-if-a-Person-Truly-Loves-You"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Regain Trust in Someone","id":30279,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Regain-Trust-in-Someone","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/dd\/Regain-Trust-in-Someone-Step-16-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Regain-Trust-in-Someone-Step-16-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Regain Trust in Someone"},{"title":"20+ Ways to Tell If Someone Sincerely Loves You (Whether or Not They Say It)","id":1756524,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Know-if-a-Person-Truly-Loves-You","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/16\/Know-if-a-Person-Truly-Loves-You-Step-23.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Know-if-a-Person-Truly-Loves-You-Step-23.jpg","alt":"20+ Ways to Tell If Someone Sincerely Loves You (Whether or Not They Say It)"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You may have mild abandonment issues.","meaning":"Based on your answers, it\u2019s possible that you have a mild form of abandonment syndrome. You may have been neglected while growing up, bullied, or mistreated in close relationships where a friend or romantic partner criticized or took you for granted.
Because of those past experiences, you may have anxiety around the idea of being rejected by people in your life today\u2014and while your fears aren\u2019t severe yet, they may still be impacting your current relationships. Remember: these are fairly common fears, but that doesn\u2019t make them true. Rather than chasing approval from others, accept yourself for who you are and try to stop comparing yourself to others.
Furthermore, try not to distance yourself emotionally for fear that you\u2019ll get hurt, and remind yourself that it\u2019s okay to ask for help when you need it. It won\u2019t make you a burden for people who really love you. Most of all, love yourself and practice self-awareness to help you fight those fears when they manifest.
If you feel you have abandonment issues, consider talking to a professional therapist for tips on overcoming them and creating healthy relationships. Resources like the American Psychological Association (APA) and Psychology Today can help you get in touch with a licensed mental health professional, or you can check out an online therapy provider like BetterHelp<\/a><\/b>.
Betterhelp<\/a><\/b> is the world\u2019s largest online therapy provider and has helped over 3 million people improve their mental health and their relationships. They provide online therapy, couples therapy, and even chat sessions. Just answer a few questions<\/a><\/b>, and Betterhelp will match you with a personalized provider to guide you in your journey toward a happier you.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Handle-Rejection"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Affirmations-for-Self-Love"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Deal with Rejection: 9 Expert-Backed Ways to Handle It","id":151784,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Handle-Rejection","image":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Handle-Rejection-Step-17-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Handle-Rejection-Step-17-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Deal with Rejection: 9 Expert-Backed Ways to Handle It"},{"title":"Self-Love Affirmations to Build Your Self-Worth","id":13398779,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Affirmations-for-Self-Love","image":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2d\/Affirmations-for-Self-Love-Step-79.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Affirmations-for-Self-Love-Step-79.jpg","alt":"Self-Love Affirmations to Build Your Self-Worth"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You most likely have abandonment issues.","meaning":"While this quiz isn\u2019t a tool for diagnosis, you likely have some form of abandonment syndrome based on your answers. You likely suffer from frequent anxiety that your loved ones will desert you, especially if they perceive any of your flaws or meet someone they like more.
You may also struggle with insecurity and go out of your way to be a people-pleaser, meaning you put others' needs ahead of yours; this can stem from the fear that your loved ones will think you\u2019re unworthy otherwise. You may even be prone to letting unhealthy relationships continue because you\u2019re scared of losing someone who claims to care about you, even if that person is dishonest, oppressive, or just doesn\u2019t have your best interests at heart.
Fear of abandonment is common, but you don\u2019t need to let that fear rule your relationships. You deserve all the love in the world, so remind yourself that chasing others\u2019 approval and overextending yourself to make them happy is not the way to get it. The more you focus on self-love and validation, the less you\u2019ll rely on other people for it\u2014and the easier it\u2019ll be to create balanced, healthy relationships.
Consider talking to a therapist if you feel you have abandonment issues and would like professional help overcoming them. Resources like the American Psychological Association (APA) and Psychology Today can help you get in touch with a licensed mental health professional, or you can check out an online therapy provider like BetterHelp<\/a><\/b>.
Betterhelp<\/a><\/b> is the world\u2019s largest online therapy provider and has helped over 3 million people improve their mental health and their relationships. They provide online therapy, couples therapy, and even chat sessions. Just answer a few questions<\/a><\/b>, and Betterhelp will match you with a personalized provider to guide you in your journey toward a happier you.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Overcome-Fear-of-Abandonment"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-More-Self-Confidence-and-Love-Yourself"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment","id":8174799,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Overcome-Fear-of-Abandonment","image":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/67\/Avoid-Sadness-by-Staying-Busy-Step-12.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Avoid-Sadness-by-Staying-Busy-Step-12.jpg","alt":"How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment"},{"title":"How to Have More Self Confidence and Love Yourself","id":846183,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-More-Self-Confidence-and-Love-Yourself","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/42\/Have-More-Self-Confidence-and-Love-Yourself-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Have-More-Self-Confidence-and-Love-Yourself-Step-15.jpg","alt":"How to Have More Self Confidence and Love Yourself"}],"minimum":0}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>![\"Social](\"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e9\/Social-anxiety2.png\/-crop-375-300-375px-Social-anxiety2.png\")
<\/picture>","alt":"Social Anxiety Test"},{"title":"Relationship Anxiety Test","id":13804388,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Relationship-Anxiety-Test","image":"![\"Relationship](\"\/images\/thumb\/c\/cb\/Relationship_anxiety_test_image.png\/-crop-375-300-375px-Relationship_anxiety_test_image.png.webp\"\/)
<\/picture>","alt":"Relationship Anxiety Test"},{"title":"Why Can't I Sleep Quiz","id":13284563,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Why-Can't-I-Sleep-Quiz","image":"![\"Why](\"\/images\/thumb\/4\/48\/Sleep-quiz.png\/-crop-375-300-375px-Sleep-quiz.png.webp\"\/)
<\/picture>","alt":"Why Can't I Sleep Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"Not really. I'm open to learning more about myself and my relationships, but I'm not particularly worried about anything.","result":"That's great. We have some quizzes that might help you learn about yourself:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"Love Language Quiz","id":13401673,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Love-Language-Quiz","image":"![\"Love](\"\/images\/thumb\/9\/97\/Love-languges.png\/-crop-375-300-375px-Love-languges.png.webp\"\/)
<\/picture>","alt":"Love Language Quiz"},{"title":"What's Your Mindset Quiz","id":13699974,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Whats-Your-Mindset","image":"![\"Whats](\"\/images\/thumb\/1\/17\/Whats-your-mindset-image.png\/-crop-375-300-375px-Whats-your-mindset-image.png.webp\"\/)
<\/picture>","alt":"What's Your Mindset Quiz"},{"title":"Apology Language Quiz","id":13685898,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Apology-Language-Quiz","image":"![\"Apology](\"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6c\/Apology-language-quiz-image.png\/-crop-375-300-375px-Apology-language-quiz-image.png.webp\"\/)
<\/picture>","alt":"Apology Language Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>
More About Abandonment Issues
Signs of Abandonment Issues
You often grapple with insecurity.
If you have abandonment issues, your fear of rejection may seem downright irrational, like it comes out of the blue. Even when your relationships are going great, you may find yourself feeling insecure about your partner’s (or friend’s) feelings for you because you feel unworthy of their love and affection.
You struggle to trust people. Trust issues and abandonment issues go hand-in-hand since abandonment issues are essentially the irrational fear that someone will leave you—no matter how much they say otherwise. If you can’t bring yourself to trust your partner and friends, even if they tell you how much they care, it means you may have abandonment issues.
You’re a people-pleaser. Going out of your way to please everyone around you, even to the point that it inconveniences you, is a sign that you may be afraid of abandonment. You might go to great lengths to please people because you’re afraid of being seen as “unworthy” or “inadequate.”
You let toxic people stay in your life. If you fear abandonment, you’re more likely to let a toxic person (anyone who brings negativity to your life, whether they’re manipulative, critical, controlling, etc.)—stick around. Abandonment issues can cause you to fear losing anyone who claims to care for you, even though you may not have a healthy relationship with them.
You move on fast after breakups. Sometimes, fear of abandonment can also cause you to fear being alone, to the point that you may quickly search for a rebound after any relationship ends. Moving on too quickly can be an attempt to forget the pain of “abandonment” after a breakup.
You tend to be reserved and closed off.
Fear of rejection can cause you to be emotionally detached and afraid of showing people your true self. You may believe that if they see you for who you really are, they won’t like what they see and they’ll reject you. Being reserved is a defense mechanism that you may use to help protect yourself from the pain of rejection.
Overcoming Abandonment Issues
Develop your self-awareness.
Taking this quiz is a great first step! It means you’re thinking mindfully about the anxiety you may be grappling with instead of letting the fear rule you completely. To become even more self-aware, try to think about where your fears came from and what is triggering them now. By understanding the source of your anxiety, you can become aware of when it’s most likely to flare up and how to calm yourself down, ultimately overcoming your possible fear of abandonment.
Practice self-love. Loving yourself is an extremely important part of overcoming any possible insecurities around abandonment. If you have abandonment issues, you likely struggle with your self-image and may even compare yourself to other people or close yourself off from others for protection. Practicing self-love will allow you to lower your guard and open up to others because you’re not relying on them for validation anymore—you’re getting it from within.
Start by making time for self-care and practicing verbal affirmations. Verbal affirmations are positive things you can say about yourself—something like “I fully and completely accept myself.” It may feel strange at first, but the more you pump yourself up with supportive words, the more you’ll start to believe in yourself. If you notice any negative thoughts about rejection and abandonment, try to override them with positivity and supportive thoughts instead. This is an easy way to reduce the negativity in your mind!
Get professional help. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most effective treatments for issues like fear of abandonment. You can discuss your fear of abandonment with your therapist, and they can teach you valuable tools to help you confront and successfully overcome your fears in a healthy way. Resources like the American Psychological Association (APA) can help you get in touch with a licensed mental health professional.
Want to learn more?
For more information about abandonment issues and how to overcome them, check out these resources.
Medical Disclaimer
Any medically related content, whether User Content or otherwise found on the Service, is not intended to be medical advice or instructions for medical diagnosis or treatment, and no physician-patient or psychotherapist-patient relationship is, or is intended to be, created.
Reader Success Stories
- "Thank you. It was good to know so I can move on past issues."
