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A stalker can be a constant source of stress and may even make you fear for your life or the life of your loved ones. Anyone who contacts you continuously when you don't want them to is considered a stalker. While it may be a stranger, more frequently, a stalker is someone you know – an ex-partner, a former lover, or even someone who used to be a friend. The quickest way to put an end to stalking is to file a report with your local police report. If the stalking continues, you may also be able to get a restraining order. There are also other things you can do to protect yourself from a stalker. [1] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
Steps
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Call 911 if you feel you are in immediate danger. If your stalker is nearby or is threatening you or your loved ones with violence, seek emergency assistance immediately. If possible, do what you can to move to a safe place where your stalker can't get to you.
- Tell the 911 operator everything you possibly can about the person stalking you, their location, and your location.
- If your stalker is not immediately nearby, let the 911 operator know that you also need protection where you are.
- Don't try to talk yourself out of calling 911 or convince yourself that you're overreacting. If you believe you are in immediate danger there's no reason to take unnecessary risks.
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Save all evidence of the stalking behavior. Even though your first instinct may be to eliminate all traces of contact with your stalker, any messages or gifts they send you can be used as evidence of their stalking behavior. If you have no evidence that a crime is occurring, police won't be able to do anything to help you. Your stalker also may commit other crimes, such as property damage or assault. Evidence you should save includes: [2] X Research source
- Written messages, texts, emails, or messages on social media (screenshot or save)
- Any gifts or other items your stalker sends to you
- Photos of any damage your stalker has done to your property
- Recent call history on your phone
- Any other evidence of stalking behavior
Tip: It's common for stalkers to claim that you wanted them to contact you or that they didn't realize you wanted them to stop. Send them a written message that tells them in no uncertain terms to cease contact with you and save a copy to show police.
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Take names of any witnesses to the stalking. Friends, classmates, coworkers, neighbors, and even family members who've been there when your stalker contacted you can help support your story. Ask them if they would be willing to tell the police what they saw or heard. If they agree, write down their name and contact information. [3] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
- It can also help to have them write down exactly what they saw or heard while their memory is still fresh. Any legal case could take months to develop and they may forget specific details of the incident in that time.
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Keep a journal of all stalking incidents. Every time the stalker attempts to contact you or engages in other stalking behavior, write down the date and time of the incident along with a brief description of what occurred. If you have evidence, such as a saved voicemail message or an email, make a note of the evidence you have for that particular incident.
- If there were any witnesses to the incident, write their names and phone numbers in your log of the incident.
- The Stalking Resource Center has a form you can use to record information about stalking incidents available to download and print for free.
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Go to the nearest police station as soon as possible. As long as you don't feel you're in any immediate danger, take your evidence to your local police station and ask to report the stalking in person. Tell your story to the officer who takes your report and show them the evidence you have. [4] X Research source
- Organize your evidence in chronological order before you go. Make copies of any physical evidence that you intend to hand over to the police.
- If possible, take a friend or relative with you who can corroborate your story as well as provide you with emotional support.
- If the officer you speak with seems dismissive or doesn't seem to be taking you seriously, ask to speak to someone else. Most local police departments have at least one officer who specializes in talking to and working with victims of abuse.
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Ask for a copy of the written police report. The officer you reported the stalking behavior to will produce a written report summarizing everything you said. It may take a day or two for the final report to be complete. However, you should be able to at least get the report number so you can come back and get a copy of the written report. [5] X Research source
- When you get the report, review it carefully. If there is anything that doesn't seem accurate to you or doesn't express what you said to the officer, mention it and get it corrected.
- Get the name and badge number of the officer assigned to your case. If no officer is assigned, ask that someone be assigned to your case so you have someone to call directly if you need to report incidents that happen later.
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Follow up if additional incidents occur. If your stalker contacts you again, write down the details carefully. Then call the officer assigned to your case and tell them about the latest incident. If you have evidence, such as letters or gifts from your stalker, let them know about it. [6] X Research source
- If you get anything from your stalker, such as a written letter or gift, take care not to touch it. Hand it directly over to the police. For example, if you are sent a letter, pick it up with tweezers and drop it into a plastic bag. Don't open it.
- Don't open any packages from your stalker. Take the whole thing to the police.
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Reach out to a local victim services or domestic violence program. Look for a government agency or nonprofit organization in your area that helps people who are victims of stalking or domestic violence. They will have resources you can use. They'll also help you protect yourself and your loved ones from any possible harm. [7] X Research source
- The police department may be able to give you the names and contact information for programs that could assist you.
- Domestic violence shelters and programs can typically provide you with advice and support even if your situation is not domestic. For example, if you're being stalked by a former coworker with whom you never had a romantic relationship, you should still be able to get help from these organizations.
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Visit your local police station if you need an emergency restraining order. Normally, you would go through your local court to get a restraining order. However, if you need an order to keep your stalker away from you and the courts are not open, you may be able to get an emergency restraining order through your local police department. [8] X Research source
- Emergency orders typically only last until courts are in session and you have the opportunity to seek a temporary or permanent restraining order. Pay attention to the dates that your order will be in effect. In some states, you may have up to a week, but others only give you a few days.
- In some states, emergency restraining orders are limited to situations where you've been immediately threatened, such as if the police are called to the scene of an incident involving you and your stalker.
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Get a petition form from your local court clerk. Courts typically have forms you can fill out to ask the court for a restraining order against someone. These forms are available through the court clerk's office. Many courts also have them available on their website. [9] X Research source
- If you're working with a domestic violence shelter or other victim services program, they'll likely have copies of the restraining order form as well.
- Restraining order form packets typically come with a few pages of instructions. Read these instructions carefully and make sure you understand them before you start filling out your forms.
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Fill out your petition form with information about yourself and your stalker. If you downloaded the form online, you should be able to fill in your answers on your computer. Write your answers on a paper form neatly using blue or black ink. [10] X Research source
- If you need help filling out your form, reach out to a local domestic violence shelter or victim services program. If you're not already in contact with one of these organizations, ask the court clerk where you can get help filling out your forms.
Tip: When you complete your forms, make at least 3 copies. Some courts require additional copies – check the instructions that accompany the form.
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Take your forms back to the court clerk. Once you've completed and signed your forms, take the originals as well as your copies to the court clerk to file them with the court. The clerk will stamp your originals and copies "filed" with the date. There is never any fee to file a petition for a restraining order. [11] X Research source
- You may need to talk to a judge to have a temporary order issued. The temporary order is in effect until the date of your hearing.
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Have your stalker served with the petition. The judge won't issue a long-term or permanent restraining order without giving your stalker the opportunity to tell their side of the story. Officially serving your petition on your stalker gives them notice of the hearing and the opportunity to attend. [12] X Research source
- Typically, a sheriff's deputy will personally serve your stalker with the court papers for free.
- Talk to the clerk if you don't know your stalker's address or believe they will be difficult to find. There are alternate processes you can use to serve them.
- When the court documents are served on your stalker, you'll have a "proof of service" document to file with the court clerk. This document is filled out by the person who served the papers. Make a copy of it for your records and take the original to the clerk's office.
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Prepare your evidence and witnesses for your hearing. Make at least 3 copies of any documents you plan to introduce as evidence at trial and organize them in chronological order. If you plan to call witnesses, talk to them before the hearing about the questions you'll ask them. [13] X Research source
- If you don't feel comfortable presenting your own case, you can find an attorney to represent you. Your local domestic violence center will have information about attorneys who might represent you for free or on a sliding-fee scale that takes your income into account.
Tip: When you're assessing your ability to present your own case, keep in mind that your stalker may be in the courtroom. If their presence will make you nervous or intimidate you, it's a good idea to have an attorney who can speak for you.
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Attend your hearing to make your restraining order permanent. At the hearing, the judge will hear from both you and your stalker, as well as any witnesses either of you may have. The judge may also ask you questions directly about your stalker or how your stalker is making you feel. [14] X Research source
- If you do not attend this hearing, your order will not be made permanent.
- It's possible that your stalker won't bother to show up at the hearing. Even if they don't, you still typically need to prove that a restraining order is warranted. A judge won't automatically grant you a permanent restraining order just because your stalker isn't there to contest it.
- After hearing all the evidence, the judge will decide whether to make your restraining order permanent. You can get a written copy of your permanent restraining order in the clerk's office.
- The judge may decide not to make your restraining order permanent. You have the right to appeal this decision. If you file an appeal, your temporary restraining order will remain in effect until the appeal is heard.
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Keep a copy of your restraining order with you at all times. Once you get your permanent restraining order, make several copies of it. Keep at least one copy on your person at all times. Leave the other copies with management or security personnel at places you frequent. [15] X Research source
- For example, if you go to school and have a part-time job, give a copy to your school's security office and one to your manager at work.
- Keep a copy at home and another in your vehicle. If you're frequently at the homes of family or friends, leave copies there as well.
- If there are other people protected by the restraining order, such as your children or your significant other, give them copies to distribute as well.
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Tell people around you about your stalker. Your friends, family, coworkers, classmates, and other people who see you regularly should know about your stalker. Identify your stalker to them. Make sure they know not to talk about you or provide information about your whereabouts to your stalker. [16] X Research source
- If they don't know your stalker, a photograph can be helpful. You might also provide a basic description of your stalker. Keep in mind that in extreme cases, your stalker may dye their hair or otherwise disguise their appearance to try to get close to you without being recognized.
- Make sure your neighbors know about your stalker so they can report if they see your stalker lurking or snooping around your home. If you live in an apartment, tell your landlord about your stalker and make sure they know that this person does not have permission to enter your home – especially if they previously lived there.
Tip: If you have a community watch program in your neighborhood, let them know about your stalker as well.
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Change your usernames and passwords online. If you suspect that your stalker could access your online accounts, change all your passwords to keep your information secure. Changing your usernames, especially on social media, can also make it more difficult for your stalker to find you online. [17] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
- If you aren't able to change some usernames for professional or personal reasons, just make sure you've protected those accounts with the highest possible security.
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Block your stalker on social media accounts. All social media platforms, such as Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, allow you to block users who you don't want to interact with. Once you've blocked your stalker, they'll be unable to see or interact with your posts. Typically, you'll also be unable to see or interact with their posts as well. [18] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
- Continue be vigilant about what you post on social media even after you block your stalker. Someone who still has access to your account and is friends with them could report back information. Don't post personal information that would give away your whereabouts. Avoid posting pictures or information about trips you take or events you attend until after you've returned.
- Turn off tagging so people can't tag you in photos or posts they create. This information could get back to your stalker.
- You might also consider making your social media accounts private so your posts can only be viewed by people you know.
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Alter your routes to work or school. Particularly if your stalker is local, they may try to follow you as you go about your routine. Come up with different ways to get to the places you regularly go or leave at different times during the day.
- For example, if you have to be at work at 9:00 a.m., you could leave some mornings at 7:30, others at 8:00. If you're reliant on public transportation, consider leaving early and taking a roundabout rather than a direct route.
- Try to vary your other errands as well. For example, if you go to the same grocery store every Saturday morning, occasionally go to a different store or do your shopping on a different day. You don't want your stalker to be able to reliably predict where you are or where you'll be on any given day.
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Get new locks on your home. If your stalker previously lived with you or had keys to your home, get all of your locks changed as soon as possible. This ensures that your stalker can't enter your home and threaten your safety or damage your belongings. [19] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
- Deadbolt locks and other safety features can also keep your home more secure. Test your windows as well to make sure they can't be opened from the outside.
- Be careful about who you give a key to your home. Don't give a copy of your key to anyone who still has contact with your stalker.
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Secure your mail with a lock or get a PO box. Your stalker may check your mail and use the information to access your accounts or learn information about you. Do what you can to make sure your stalker cannot access your mail. [20] X Research source
- If you regularly get packages, make sure they'll be delivered to a secure location where your stalker wouldn't be able to retrieve them.
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Install an alarm or surveillance system. Alarm systems and video doorbells are fairly inexpensive, and many systems are relatively easy to install. These systems secure your property and can give you peace of mind, especially if you're frequently home alone. [21] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
- Many home security systems have some level of connection to local police, enabling them to respond more rapidly if your stalker is lurking around your home or threatening you.
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Move to a different residence. Moving is not an option for many people and it might not be open to you. However, if you are able to simply move to a new location, this can help ensure that your stalker doesn't know where you live or how to find you.
- If you can move, find out if your state has an address confidentiality program. These programs protect victims of stalking or domestic violence by keeping your personal address out of public records.
- If you live in an apartment complex, take your police report, restraining order, and other documents related to the stalking to your landlord and ask if you can move to a different unit in the same complex. You may be able to do this without affecting your lease.
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Tips
- If you have a friend or loved one who is being stalked, do what you can to support them and keep them safe. This may require you to be proactive because stalking victims often have a hard time reaching out and asking for help.Thanks
- Stalking is illegal. Make sure you know the law in your state.Thanks
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Warnings
- This article focuses on how to report stalking in the US. If you live in another country, the process may be different. Your local domestic violence shelter will have information on how to report stalking and protect yourself from stalkers.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/stalking
- ↑ https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/stalking
- ↑ https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims
- ↑ https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims
- ↑ https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims
- ↑ https://www.ovc.gov/pubs/helpseries/HelpBrochure_Stalking.html
- ↑ https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/emergency-protective-order.aspx
- ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1278.htm
- ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1278.htm
- ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1278.htm
- ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1278.htm
- ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1278.htm
- ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1278.htm
- ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1278.htm
- ↑ https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/stalking
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/stalking
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/stalking
- ↑ https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/stalking
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