How to Tell a Guy You Love Him

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What you need to know about taking this big step in your relationship
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If you’re contemplating telling a man that you love him, it’s normal to be a bit nervous, since this will most likely take your relationship to the next level. Luckily, we’ve compiled a complete guide on how to tell a man you love him for the first time, from figuring out whether you’re ready to actually saying the words. We’ve also included expert insights from dating coach Cher Gopman, so keep reading!

Telling a Man You Love Him: Quick Tips

Pick a time when he's relaxed and in a good mood, and choose a place where you'll have some privacy. Look him in the eyes and say, “I love you.” Be patient and let him respond in his own time, and let him know that he doesn't have to say it back if he isn’t ready or doesn't feel the same.

Section 1 of 3:

Psyching Yourself Up

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  1. Before you commit to telling him that you love him, try to get a grip on your true feelings. Have you suddenly become overwhelmed with feelings or has your adoration grown over time? Typically, infatuation is something that comes on suddenly, whereas true love builds over time as you grow closer to somebody. [1]
    • It’s best to know someone pretty well before declaring your love. If you’ve been together for at least a few months and have seen him at good times and bad times, there’s a better chance that your feelings are genuine.
    • On the other hand, if you’ve only been dating for a few weeks and everything seems perfect, you might just be infatuated with him, rather than truly in love.
    • It’s usually best to keep your feelings to yourself until you’re sure that you really do love him, so take your time and don’t pressure yourself to make the declaration too quickly.
    • Telling him too early in the relationship may freak him out, and he might feel like it’s too much too soon.
  2. Even if he hasn’t said the words yet, your man may be feeling the same way you are, and his actions may demonstrate this. The way he treats you, how he looks at you, and how he talks about you can all be clues, explains Gopman. Think about your relationship and the way he treats you to see if he’s been giving you signs that he might be in love with you.
    • If you’re not sure where to start, Gopman recommends asking yourself these questions:
      • Does he make you a priority?
      • Does he mention you when he talks about his future plans and goals?
      • Have you met the people (e.g. family, friends, coworkers) that are important in his life?
      • Does he speak in terms of "we" instead of "I"?
      • Does he remember the important things you tell him and check in about them later?
      • Does he consistently try to take care of you and keep a smile on your face?
      • Is he affectionate? Does he want to hug, kiss, and hold hands?
    • If his actions don’t indicate that he may be in love with you, you might want to hold off on telling him until you’re more sure about his feelings.
    • On the other hand, if his actions do indicate that he feels the same way, there’s less of a chance he’ll be freaked out or scared when you say "I love you."
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  3. You should only say "I love you" if you truly mean it. You should not say it to feel more secure in your relationship, or just to hear him say the words back to you. Never use those words to manipulate him, keep him around, or fix a mistake that you made. [2]
    • The best reason to say "I love you" is that you simply cannot keep it to yourself any longer, and you want him to know how you feel.
    • It’s important to remember that "I love you" is a powerful statement that can change your relationship. Be sure that you’re ready for this, and that you’re not saying the words lightly.
  4. Even though you feel ready to say "I love you," your boyfriend may not be on the same page yet. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you, or that he’ll never develop the same feelings that you have. It only means that he doesn’t feel the same way right now, and it’s important to respect that. Before saying “I love you,” think about how you’ll handle the situation if he doesn’t say it back, so that you’re prepared. [3]
    • If he doesn’t feel the same way, you may feel rejected or uncertain about your relationship, so it’s important to accept this possibility before taking this step.
    • If you think you would be absolutely crushed if he doesn’t say it back, you may want to hold off on telling him until you’re more sure about his feelings.
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Section 2 of 3:

Choosing Your Method

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  1. If you love him, you’ve probably shared your feelings and other personal information with him before. What settings worked best when you communicated this information? Was it over the phone or a text message? Was it during a romantic date night? Does he seem to prefer more casual, natural conversations, or serious romantic moments? [4]
    • You’re less likely to scare him if you use a method that he’s receptive to, so don’t get hung up on the idea that it has to be a big, sweeping gesture if he isn’t into this type of thing.
    • There’s no right or wrong way to tell him that you love him—the most important thing is that you both feel comfortable and connected.
  2. If you are nervous about talking to him in person, consider giving him a card or a letter that expresses how you feel. This will also give him time to digest what you've said and think about his feelings for you before responding, whereas an in-person conversation may make him feel pressured to answer on the spot. If you’re nervous about telling him or worried that you may clam up during the conversation, this is a good way to go.
    • A written note is really helpful if you need time to come up with the right things to say. You can even choose a more humorous card to keep it light and still get your point across.
    • You could even find a poem or song that expresses what you would like to say and copy it down in your handwriting.
  3. Telling him face-to-face is the most romantic, yet nerve-racking method. It forces you to be vulnerable and direct, which can be scary, but it can also propel your relationship forward in a positive way. “If the relationship is getting to that point and you feel that way, you should tell him how you feel, and not hold back,” says Gopman. “In relationships, you want to always be progressing. You want to be moving forward, and this is a step in that forward direction.”
    • If you go this route, you might find it helpful to practice what you're going to say out loud in front of a mirror beforehand.
  4. Love is more than a feeling. Your words and actions can also reveal how you feel, even when you haven’t said those words yet. If you don’t feel ready to verbally express your love, but you want to express how much he truly means to you, try showing him through your actions. Here are some ideas:
    • Do something nice for him, like cooking his favorite meal or surprising him with tickets to a movie that he wanted to see.
    • Be present during good and bad times. While it’s easy to be supportive during happy times, you can really show your love when he’s down in the dumps. Whether he’s had a bad day at work or is dealing with a family health crisis, be his rock and show him you are on his side 24/7.
    • Support his passions and dreams. Whether he’s going back to school for a master’s degree or joining a club to explore his love of mountain climbing, be his cheerleader. Research his hobbies and goals, so that you can encourage him and bring additional insight to the table.
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Section 3 of 3:

Talking to Your Man

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  1. Pick a time when he is relaxed, stress free, and in a good mood. Make sure you two are in a private place where you guys can have an uninterrupted conversation. You don’t want someone to walk in or overhear this private moment!
    • Avoid professing your love after a physically or psychologically charged situation (like before or after being intimate) because he may say that he loves you too due to an adrenaline rush or from being in an emotional environment. [5]
    • Also, avoid telling him if either one of you is intoxicated or sleepy. He may or may not remember what you said in these situations, so it’s best to be sober and clear-eyed when you have this conversation.
    • If you’re already discussing future plans for your relationship or how you currently feel, this would be the ideal time to tell him that you love him.
  2. Be as natural as possible and tell him that you love him. Look him in his eyes and say, "I love you." You do not have to make it dramatic or awkward, just speak from the heart.
    • You can choose the ideal situation when you tell him, but try not to think about it too much. If the two of you are alone and having a good time, let him know. Listen to your gut, and say the words when it feels right.
    • Avoid saying, "You are the love of my life." It causes a comparison between you and his past relationships, and it may feel too intense for the moment. Because of this, you might be less likely to get the response you desire if you use that phrase. [6]
  3. When you tell him that you love him, let him know that he doesn't have to say it back to you if he doesn’t feel the same way, or if he isn’t quite ready yet. You don’t want him to feel any pressure when you tell him.
    • For example, you could say something like, "I love you. I understand if you're not ready to say it back yet, or if your feelings aren't in the same place as mine. I just wanted you to know how I feel."
    • Remember that love happens at different speeds for people. Even if he doesn’t say it back to you at that moment, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be with you, or that he won’t develop those feelings in the future. [7]
    • If your partner doesn’t say "I love you, too," you can use this as an opportunity to ask him where he sees the relationship going.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it really better to just tell him how I feel?
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Relationships should be built on honesty, trust, and vulnerability. Don't be scared to show him how you feel so you can move forward together and have a deeper, more meaningful relationship. It's definitely scary to say how you feel, but it's the best thing to do, both for yourself and the other person.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Yes No
    Not Helpful 10 Helpful 47
  • Question
    What if he doesn't love me back?
    Community Answer
    It's not necessarily a bad thing if he does not love you back. His feelings may be progressing more slowly. He may love you later on as your relationship continues to grow. Just because he does not love you does not mean that he does not care about you and want to be with you.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 18 Helpful 82
  • Question
    Do I just blurt out "I love you"? Should I say something like "Hey, _______ are you in a relationship? If not,I would like you as a boyfriend." Which one is the best approach?
    Community Answer
    If he is not your boyfriend, you shouldn't tell him that you love him. Even if you feel like you love him, he may not respond well if you tell him this. Ask him if he is single. If he is single, let him know that you would like to get to know him better.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 19 Helpful 95
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      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Be honest about your feelings. If your past actions demonstrated your words, he may not be too surprised.
      • Being patient with him is the best way to allow his love to grow if it is not already there yet.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-savvy-psychologist/202103/5-ways-to-use-positive-self-talk-to-psych-yourself-up
      2. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/gaslighting-emotional-abuse/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202106/4-strategies-cope-rejection
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/needy-person-in-relationships
      5. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/self-awareness-matters-how-you-can-be-more-self-aware/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201412/when-should-you-say-i-love-you
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201412/when-should-you-say-i-love-you

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To tell a man you love him without scaring him off, wait for a good time when you’re both relaxed, in a good mood, and unlikely to be distracted so you’ll have his full attention. Avoid telling him when he’s sleepy or intoxicated, since he might not remember what you said in the morning. When the time’s right, simply look him in the eyes and say, “I love you.’ You can also take some of the pressure off of him by adding something like, “I understand if you’re not ready to say it back or if you’re feelings aren’t in the same place as mine. I just wanted you to know how I feel.” For more tips from our co-author, including how to figure out if you’re really in love or just infatuated with a man, read on!

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