Prepare them for the conversation Springing it on them out of the blue or ghosting them for a week before you plan to break up are inappropriate, hurtful ways to end a relationship. Let them know that there’s something you need to talk about ahead of time. “I think we need to talk.” Choose the right time A poorly-timed breakup can be seen an as act of cruelty and create a lot more problems and pain. Avoid breaking up with someone on special days like birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, vacations, and holidays. Additionally, if your partner has just experienced a negative life event (e.g., a death in the family, loss of employment, serious illness) show some compassion and wait to break up to avoid causing additional heartache. Do it in person Break up in person to show that you respect them enough and that they deserve your undivided attention. Choose the right place Have the conversation in a private place such as their home. This allows you both to time to have an involved discussion and cry or express a range of emotions without the fear of “making a scene.” Get your emotions in check If you enter the conversation with anger, odds are, it will come out. Do some calming meditation or grounding exercises beforehand so you enter the conversation in a gentle, compassionate mood. Use “I” statements “I” statements are a way for you to express your feelings that avoids blaming or judging them. “I feel I need to spend time on my own right now.” “I feel I’m not honoring my desires for the future.” Be honest, not harsh Telling them the truth about your needs and desires will eliminate some of the mystery as to why you’re leaving them, making it easier for them to move on. “I feel I’m not able to give you what you need in a romantic relationship.” “I feel like I need time and space to rekindle the relationship I have with my true self right now.” “I love who you are, it’s just that I don’t feel any chemistry between us anymore. Ask questions Odds are, they’re going to have some things to share about ending the relationship and allow them to express those thoughts and feelings. “How are you feeling about this right now?” Reassure them Tell them how great you think they are to help ease the feelings of being rejected. “You’re the most brilliant, caring person I know, I just think we’re on two different paths.” Set ground rules moving forward Are you stopping all communication? Are you going to have a period of not talking before checking in? Letting them know what to expect will put their mind at ease. “I feel it’d be best if we didn’t talk or see each other for a few weeks.” Follow their lead Getting dumped is painful, so if they don’t want to be friends right away (or even friendly) be respectful of their needs. “I understand you’re hurt, so if you’re not ready to be friends I’m okay with that. I’ll be here for you when you are ready.” Thank them Breaking up is an emotionally draining conversation to have, so thank them afterwards for hearing you out. “I know this isn’t easy, but I just want to say thank you for talking to me about this and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you hearing me out.”