Explain the issue and where you’re coming from. “I think there’s been some tension between us lately and I want to clear the air. I know you care about us and want to be a part of our lives. But when you come over everyday, unannounced, it makes me feel like you’re constantly monitoring and criticizing me.” “You raised some amazing children, but my kids are my kids, and I really need you to respect my parenting methods. You’re undermining my authority and I can’t have that happening.” Propose a boundary that’s fair for both of you and offer a compromise. “I’d like you to call and ask before you come over. I’ll pick up when I see your number, and I’ll let you know if it’s a good time. If you want, we can even set up a weekly family dinner so you know you can see the kids at least once a week.” “I have no problem with you playing with the kids, but I need you to leave the major disciplining and rule enforcing to me.” Don’t let her dismiss your concerns or your requests. Be firm about your needs. “This might be hard to hear, but I need to set some limits.” “I understand if you’re feeling defensive, but I need to be honest. Setting up these boundaries is really important to me.” Tell her that you care about her, but you need to have some boundaries. “I want you in our lives, but I have to make that sustainable for both you and me. I think these boundaries are a good solution for both of us.” “You know I appreciate everything you do for us. Paul and I just need space to ourselves right now.”