Witty comebacks These clever comebacks highlight your own intelligence without being super offensive. Examples: “As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?” “You have a mechanical mind. Did you forget to wind it up this morning?” “I like you. Of course, people say I have terrible taste in humans, but I like you.” Sarcastic comebacks These types of comebacks are a good way to deal with annoying people. Examples: “I wish we were better strangers.” “I’m busy now, can I ignore you some other time?” Defensive comebacks Use these one-liners to shut down someone who has just insulted you. “Pardon? I didn’t quite catch that…” (having to repeat their insult will make it less effective) “Amazing, you and I have so much in common!” “Aww, you think I care. That’s cute!” Famous comebacks These are quotes from popular figures that might come in handy. Examples: “You have delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” - Groucho Marx “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.” - Groucho Marx “There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” - Jack E. Leonard Nonverbal comebacks Sometimes another’s words are so groundless, insulting, and ridiculous, they don’t even deserve an audible response. Let them sit with their words and use these dismissive gestures to express your distaste. * A raised eyebrow * A smirk followed by turning away from them (and lingering before walking away) * A dramatic eye roll * A dramatic yawn and glance at your watch (or phone)