200+ Funny Golf Jokes, Puns, & One-Liners “Fore” All Ages

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Short, punny, & dirty golf jokes to tell on the course
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Looking for an un-fore-gettable golf joke to charm everyone on the course? We’ve got you covered! In this article, we’re providing the ultimate list of golf jokes, puns, and one-liners for kids and adults. Whether you’re a seasoned pro, a weekend hacker, or just someone who appreciates a solid dad joke, you’re sure to find a winning option that putts a smile on your face.

Top-Tier Golf Jokes & Puns

  • What do you call an angry golfer? Teed off!
  • What car does a golfer’s assistant drive? A Caddy-lac.
  • Which ancient Egyptian pharaoh liked to golf? King Putt.
  • Where can you find a golfer on a Friday night? Clubbing.
  • How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore!
  • What do you call a wizard who can turn into a golf club? Harry Putter.
  • Why don’t bears use caddies? Because they like to hold their own cubs.
Section 1 of 11:

Funny Golf Jokes

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  1. There’s no better way to kick off a game (or pass the time during a round) than by sharing a silly joke about golf. Here are some hilarious options to crack up your partners, caddies, and even yourself: [1]
    • Did you hear about the golfer who turned into a party animal? He turned bro.
    • What do you get when you cross a body of water with golf? The Golf of Mexico.
    • Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course.
    • Who was the 19th-century sleepy villager who held his golf club tightly? Grip Van Winkle.
    • Why do golfers always carry a pair of trousers with them? In case they get a hole-in-one.
    • Did you hear about the golfer whose club burst into flames? He had several irons in the fire.
    • Did you hear about the golfer who used to wear colorful pants? He had a checkered past.
    • What do you get when you cross a baseball field with a golf course? A diamond in the rough.
    • What do you get when you cross a golfer with Humphrey Bogart’s stand-in? A double Bogey.
    • What do you call Simpsons characters that shoot par or better? Itchy and Scratchy golfers.
    • What did the group of priests do when they came upon a slower group of golfers? Pray through!
    • Did you hear about the golfer who didn’t have metal clubs in his bag? He was iron deficient.
    • What do you get when you cross a person living in a monastery with a short golf shot? A chip-monk.
    • What is called after a golfer attempts to retrieve a ball from an alligator’s mouth? An ambulance!
    • What do you get when you cross a shallow pit with a golfing comedian? An Adam Sand-ler trap.
    • Did you hear about the actor who took too many strokes on the golf course? He wasn’t right for the par.
    • Who do you get when you cross a golfer who scored one over par with a nightmare? The Bogey-man.
    • What do you get when you cross a golf ball that lands in a pond with a Deep Purple song? Stroke on the water.
    • Which TV show featured a mother and five kids who made the expected number of golf strokes? The Par-tridge Family.
    • What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm? Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.
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Section 2 of 11:

Short Golf Jokes

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  1. Share a short and silly golf joke to score some laughs. Just like pitching, you only need a few seconds to tell a funny golf joke and bring the crowd down. Here are some quick golf jokes to make everyone chuckle: [2]
    • Where is the lie in golf? On the scorecard.
    • What do you call an angry golfer? Teed off!
    • What type of beard is best for a golfer? A goatee.
    • What do you call a lion playing golf? Roarin' Mcllroy.
    • What area of the fairway is a dog’s favorite? The ruff.
    • How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore!
    • What do you call an online class for golfers? Masters class.
    • Which British actor only uses metal golf clubs? Jeremy Irons.
    • What do you use to find the location of a golf ball? A lie detector.
    • What do you call a skeleton’s second-chance shot? A skull-igan.
    • Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf? On a golf corpse.
    • What do computer experts use on the golf course? An Apple cart.
    • What 2 places have lots of curses? A witch’s haven and a golf course.
    • How did Moses prove that he was a good golfer? He parred the Red Sea.
    • Where are you most likely to find a bear on a golf course? In the cub house.
    • What do you call a police van filled with golfers’ assistants? A caddy wagon.
    • What do you call a story that involves golfers and spies? Stroke and dagger.
    • What do you call a golf shot that ends up in outer space? A black hole in one.
    • Which traveling entertainment show features bad golfers? The Slice-capades.
    • What do you call an itchy person who can shoot par or better? A scratch golfer.
Section 3 of 11:

Dirty Golf Jokes

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  1. Turn up the heat with a dirty and un-fore-gettable golf joke. Whether you're teeing off with friends or looking to spice up your golf banter, the following puns will have you gripping your clubs with laughter. Here are some dirty, wild, and suggestive golf jokes and pick-up lines packed with innuendos: [3]
    • My favorite club? The one that gets the most action.
    • My wedge isn’t the only thing that gets dirty on the course.
    • What’s the hardest thing about golf? Keeping your balls dry.
    • Is that a 9 iron in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
    • The secret to golf? Keep your balls clean and your strokes dirty.
    • What’s the sexiest part of golf? When you sink it deep in the hole.
    • Why did the golfer bring 2 condoms to the course? Just in case he got a hole-in-one.
    • Why do golfers love the rough? Because sometimes it’s more fun when it’s hard to pull out.
    • How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.
    • What’s better than a hole-in-one? Finding someone who knows how to handle your wood.
    • What's the difference between a golf ball and my ex? I can actually drive a golf ball straight.
    • What’s a similarity between a bad golfer and a bad lover? They both finish too early and blame the wind.
    • What’s the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball.
    • Why are golf and sex similar? They are the 2 things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them.
    • I came home to my wife in lingerie… she said I could tie her up and do whatever I wanted. So I tied her to the chair and went to the driving range.
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Section 4 of 11:

Clever Golf Jokes

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  1. These jokes are a little witty, a little dry, and perfect for anyone who prefers some smarter humor on the course. Here are the sharpest golf jokes that are guaranteed to be a hole-in-one: [4]
    • What’s a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie will do.
    • What’s a golfer’s favorite dance move? The bogey.
    • What do golfers do on their day off? Putter around.
    • What are a golfer’s favorite flowers? Fore-get me nots.
    • Where can you find a golfer on a Friday night? Clubbing.
    • How’s golf like fishing? Both mysteriously encourage exaggeration.
    • What did the golfer say to the hip-hop dancer? Every day I'm Schauffele.
    • When is the golf course too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes.
    • What type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days? A skins match.
    • Who do you get when you cross a curving golf shot with a rapper? Vanilla Slice.
    • Did you hear about the golfer who swung his club halfway? He nearly had a stroke.
    • What do you call the emcee at a major golf tournament? The Master of Ceremonies.
    • Who’s the best person at the golf course to get to make coffee? The groundskeeper!
    • Did you hear about the golfer whose shot landed in a music store? He broke 3 records.
    • What did the golfers say to their crazy friend who held the club improperly? “Get a grip!”
    • What do you get when you cross a golfer’s pants with a chocolate snack? A Knickers bar!
    • Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
    • I’m green and I have pockets, but a Masters champion has never worn me. What am I? A pool table.
    • How would you describe an errant golf short that landed in a dinnerware boutique? A ball in a china shop.
    • What do you get when you cross a cereal-box character with one of golf’s all-time greats? Tony the Tiger Woods.
Section 5 of 11:

Golf Jokes for Kids

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  1. Tell a clean and creative golf joke to charm kids of all ages. Sharing jokes is a great way to bond with children, promote their creative thinking skills, and diffuse sour moods. [5] So, if you want your kids to fall in love with golf or simply make them smile, crack any of the following jokes below: [6]
    • What car does a golfer’s assistant drive? A Caddy-lac.
    • Which ancient Egyptian pharaoh liked to golf? King Putt.
    • Why don’t grasshoppers play golf? They like cricket better.
    • Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
    • What’s a golfer’s favorite sandwich? Peanut putter and jelly.
    • What do you call a wizard who can turn into a golf club? Harry Putter.
    • What movie about golf took place in a galaxy far, far away? Par Wars.
    • Why was Cinderella such a terrible golfer? Her coach was a pumpkin.
    • Why don’t bears use caddies? Because they like to hold their own cubs.
    • What do you call a golfer retrieving a ball in deep water? A scuba driver.
    • Which Star Wars character was good at sinking short shots? Jabba the Putt.
    • What kind of patterned sweaters do pirates wear on a golf course? Argh-yle!
    • What do you get when you cross a funny golfer with a stretchy toy? Silly Putter.
    • What do you call a female pop star who keeps missing her shots? Taylor Whiffed!
    • What do you get when you cross a short putt with a cookie? A chocolate chip shot.
    • Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
    • What do you get when you cross an extreme golf shot with a pirate? Captain Hook-ed.
    • What do you get when you cross a funny movie about golf with Donald Duck? Caddy-quack!
    • What do you call a popular Sesame Street character who takes one swing less than par? Big Birdie.
    • What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? “May the ‘Fores’ be with you…”
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Section 6 of 11:

Golf Jokes for Adults

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  1. Crack up adults with a cheeky, savage, or relatable golf joke. Tons of golf terms and puns can be turned into playful jokes for adults, whether you’re playing with beginners or professionals. Here are some mature jokes to throw out during the next round: [7]
    • What did you get on your last hole? Depressed!
    • The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
    • What do you call the area where golfers get high? A pot hole.
    • I collect betting money for golfers. What am I? A greenskeeper.
    • My wife said I play so much golf it’s driving a wedge between us.
    • What does a golfer like to hear from his wife? “Talk birdie to me.”
    • Golfing on election day? Make sure you cast an absent-tee ballot!
    • Golf is a lot like taxes. You go for the green and end up in the hole.
    • On what part of a course do golfers like to drink? The watering hole.
    • Where do criminals buy their golf equipment? In a pro and con shop.
    • How long did the golfer promise to stay married? Till death do us par.
    • The worst day on the course is better than your best day in the office.
    • What’s the best quality in a golf partner? They play worse than you do!
    • What do you call a golf swing from a player not wearing pants? A moon shot.
    • What do you call someone who can golf and drink at the same time? A multi-flasker.
    • Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh.
    • I told my buddy I got a new set of clubs for my wife. He said, “Sounds like a good trade!”
    • Did you hear about the politician who’s working twice as hard? He played 36 holes of golf.
    • An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it’s always possible to get worse.
    • What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.
    • Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course? Because that's how long it took the Scotts who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!
Section 7 of 11:

Golf Jokes for Seniors

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  1. Senior golfers know that the real victory is still being out on the course, so drop a witty joke about aging to land a laugh on the rough. Here are some funny golf jokes to say to older players: [8]
    • I’m not over the hill. I’m just on the back nine.
    • When your putt lips out, what disease do you have? Liprocy.
    • Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.
    • Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play other sports.
    • You know you're getting old when you hit the ball and then forget where it went.
    • Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf. Caddie: Oh, he's played with you, too, eh?
    • Golfer: That can't be my ball, it looks too old. Caddie: It's been a long time since we started.
    • At my age, I don’t mind hitting a bad shot. It just means more time on the course to enjoy the view.
    • If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight.
    • Are you a scratch player? “I sure am—every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.”
    • What’s one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age.
    • You know you’re a senior golfer when you can’t remember if you’ve already hit the ball or if you’re just practicing your swing.
    • Golfer A: I played World War II golf—out in 39 and home in 45. Golfer B: I played Civil War golf—out in 61 and home in 65.
    • Why do seniors love golf? Because it’s one of the few sports where it’s okay to walk slowly and complain about your hips.
    • Two longtime golf buddies were standing on a tee box overlooking a river, getting ready to hit their tee shots. One golfer pointed down the river, turned to the other golfer and said, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"
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Section 8 of 11:

Golf Puns

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  1. Slice up some laughter with these funny golf puns. If you’re the on-course comedian (or just want to leave your buddies in stitches), share one of these puns to lighten the mood between holes. Here are the funniest golf puns about driving, putting, and more: [9]
    • Go fore it!
    • A par is born.
    • Putter fingers.
    • Social putterfly.
    • Time to par-tee!
    • The Tee Stooges.
    • Green and bear it.
    • It’s ball or nothing.
    • Bread and putter.
    • Talk birdie to me.
    • The putt of a joke.
    • Fairway to heaven.
    • What a load of trap!
    • Golf is my cup of tee.
    • Take my wife… tees!
    • Chip off the old block.
    • Is this a cry fore help?
    • Golf forth and prosper.
    • You’re the best, by par.
    • Stop being a putt-inski.
    • I’m at a loss fore words.
    • I wouldn’t putt it past them.
    • As par as the eye can see.
    • To putt a long story short…
    • May the course be with you.
    • Not all men are created eagle.
    • Drive had it up to my eyeballs.
    • I like big putts and I cannot lie.
    • To tee or not to tee? That is the question.
    • Sorry, we don’t give out par-ticipation trophies.
Section 9 of 11:

Celebrity One-Liners About Golf

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  1. Drop a golf one-liner to keep your spirits up after a bad round. The glorious game of golf can drive you crazy sometimes, especially if your scores are down or you can’t hit a hole-in-one. Here are some funny golf phrases and quotes to lighten the mood and playfully tease your buddies when they make a bad shot: [10]
    • “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” —Mark Twain
    • “The older I get, the better I used to be.” —Lee Trevino
    • “I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.” —Muhammad Ali
    • “If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right. ” —Bob Hope
    • “The other day, I broke 70. That’s a lot of clubs.” —Henny Youngman
    • “We learn so many things from golf–how to suffer, for instance.” —Bruce Lansky
    • “Golf is a game in which you yell four, shoot six, and write down five.” —Paul Harvey
    • “They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.” —Raymond Floyd
    • “I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.” —Bob Hope
    • “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” —Gerald R. Ford
    • “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.” —Arnold Palmer
    • “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” —Jack Lemmon
    • “My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.” —Rodney Dangerfield
    • “Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe” —Lee Trevino
    • “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” —Hank Aaron
    • “The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” —Phyllis Diller
    • “Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” —Jack Benny
    • “Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive.” —Harvey Penick
    • “A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.” —Bob Hope
    • “If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.” —Tommy Bolt
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Section 10 of 11:

Golf Knock-Knock Jokes

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  1. Some knock-knock jokes have a reputation for being corny and cliché, but we promise you’ll find one you’ve never heard below. Here are the funniest golf knock-knock jokes to annoy your playing partners or generate a few laughs in the clubhouse: [11]
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Tee. Tee who? Tee-rrific shot! You’ve got this!
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita driver that hits straight.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Fore. Fore who? Fore-get about it, just hit the ball!
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Andy. Andy who? Andy hits another one in the rough.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe hit one straight this time?
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ida. Ida who? Ida like to see you drive me on this hole.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Par. Par who? Par-ty time, let’s finish this round strong!
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? I’d cry too if I kept hitting shots like that.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben waiting for you to hit a drive straight.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Caddy. Caddy who? Caddy you believe I just hit that shot?
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Foursome. Foursome who? Foursome, golf is a tough sport!
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the golf clubs, you drive the cart.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Iota. Iota who? Iota use a five wood for this shot, don’t ya think?
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Adolph. Adolph who? Adolph ball hit my teeth and now I talk like dis.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ivy. Ivy who? Ivy seen a lot of golfers like you, you need practice.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Wendy. Wendy who? Wendy conditions keep messing up my shots.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Iron. Iron who? Iron the fairway, just trying to make the perfect shot!
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke at your stance, it needs some improvement.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda if you’ll ever stop hitting bogeys today.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah scuba diver who can fish your ball out of the water?
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Harvey. Harvey who? Harvey gonna take 6 hours for this round…take your shot!
Section 11 of 11:

More Funny Jokes

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  1. Check out these other funny, cheesy, and pun-filled jokes. Want to keep the fun going? Here are some other joke articles to make your friends and family laugh out loud:
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/golf-jokes
      2. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/golf-jokes
      3. ↑ http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/golfjokes/golfjokes.html
      4. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/golf-jokes
      5. ↑ https://www.idahoednews.org/voices/a-dads-diary/no-kidding-turns-out-dad-jokes-are-good-for-us/
      6. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/golf-jokes
      7. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/golf-jokes
      8. ↑ https://theleftrough.com/golf-jokes/
      9. ↑ https://propergolfing.com/80-bad-golf-puns-that-you-cant-help-but-laugh-at/
      1. ↑ https://www.golfplaythru.com/blog/82-funny-inspiring-short-golf-quotes
      2. ↑ https://par3nearme.com/golf-knock-knock-jokes/

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